Writing Examples

Hey writers,

Welcome back to Writing Examples. Last week, we dissected the opening lines of Dickens's A Tale of Two Cities. This week, learn how specificity can make a description come to life.

But first, a quick reminder: 

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Get Specific, Make It Vivid

“In his blue gardens men and girls came and went like moths among the whisperings and the champagne and the stars. At high tide in the afternoon I watched his guests diving from the tower of his raft or taking the sun on the hot sand of his beach while his two motor-boats slit the waters of the Sound, drawing aquaplanes over cataracts of foam. On weekends his Rolls-Royce became an omnibus, bearing parties to and from the city, between nine in the morning and long past midnight, while his station wagon scampered like a brisk yellow bug to meet all trains. And on Mondays eight servants, including an extra gardener, toiled all day with mops and scrubbing-brushes and hammers and garden-shears, repairing the ravages of the night before."

– F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby
 

One colorful anecdote is worth a thousand generalities: the more specific the anecdote, the fewer words you need need to paint the whole picture. A description that rambles on for too long may be informative, but reading can’t be just informative. It needs to be entertaining too, to keep your reader engaged.

Instead of saying, “the party was made up of superficial friends who flocked to Gatsby for his money,” Fitzgerald tells us that the guests “came and went like moths.” They were only attracted to the bright lights. This colorful metaphor communicates the same meaning in fewer words — all without breaking the action of the party.

And the phrase “blue gardens” is even more dense with meaning; it’s a microcosm of this entire passage. Instead of reading “Gatsby is rich,” we learn he has a garden that he doesn’t mind being trampled by rowdy guests, because his landscapers will clean it up.… Need Fitzgerald say more? Most importantly, the party is cast in shades of blue: it’s sad. Gatsby is sad; his life is hollow. No amount of champagne or Rolls-Royces or motor-boats can fill the emptiness that seems to sit at the center of these lavish parties.

The more specific, colorful, and unique your descriptions are, the more impactful, memorable, and convincing they will be to your reader. For example, don’t just say, “sales increased.” Tell the reader about the queue that wrapped around the block at the town’s new waffle shop. Don’t just say “there were many lavish parties that involved expensive cars and drinks”; say it like Fitzgerald.

The more specific and colorful your descriptions, the more awesome your writing will read.

How I Write Podcast

How to Make Your Writing Memorable | Mark Forsyth

What do Katy Perry, Charles Dickens, and the Bible all have in common? They’re responsible for some of the most famous lines in history. And in this episode, you’ll find out why.

Mark is an author and etymologist who reveals the secret sauce to memorable writing: rhetorical devices. Chiasmus, anaphora, antithesis, synecdoche.

Writing today (i.e., texting and Tweeting) is brief and hyper-minimal — which is fine, if you’re writing the instruction manual for a new dishwasher. But the most memorable works of writing lean into the beauty of language. It’s not about using purple prose. It’s about using rhetorical formulas to create unforgettable lines, to shape ideas that stick in your readers' brains.

If you want to write something memorable — a book, an essay, a poem, a speech — then this episode is for you. 

Listen Now: YouTube | Spotify | Apple

Thank you for reading Writing Examples. This week, see how you bring your stories to life by illustrating the scene with one colorful anecdote.

Happy writing,

The Write of Passage Team