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Tips for how to keep sex pleasurable when you have vaginismus

Vaginismus is a condition characterised by involuntary muscle spasms in the pelvic floor muscles. IT can make vaginal penetration painful or impossible. However, it doesn’t mean that your sex life can’t be pleasurable. Here are some tips to help keep sex enjoyable and intimate even when dealing with vaginismus:

1. Understand Your Condition

Knowledge is empowering. Understanding vaginismus, its causes, and its symptoms can help you and your partner(s) approach intimacy with empathy and patience. Vaginismus often has both physical and psychological components, so addressing both aspects is really important. Consult a healthcare provider or a therapist who specialises in sexual health to get a clear diagnosis and tailored advice. Consider seeking help from a sex therapist or pelvic floor physical therapist. These professionals can provide specialised treatment, exercises, and support tailored to your needs.

2. Open Communication

Effective communication with your partner is essential. Discuss your feelings, fears, and what feels comfortable for you. Sharing your experiences and concerns can help with creating more trust and intimacy and ensure your partner understands what you’re going through.

3. Gradual Desensitisation

Gradual desensitisation is a common treatment for vaginismus. This involves the use of vaginal dilators of increasing sizes to help your body become accustomed to penetration gradually. Start with the smallest dilator and progress at your own pace. This process can help reduce the muscle spasms and make penetration less painful over time. Be sure to use plenty of lubrication to make the process more comfortable.

4. Focus on non-penetrative pleasure

Engage in activities that arouse and excite you without the pressure of penetration. Kissing, touching, oral sex, and using sex toys can provide immense pleasure and help maintain a fulfilling sex life. Exploring each other’s bodies and discovering new erogenous zones can be incredibly intimate and enjoyable.

5. Relaxation Techniques

Practices such as deep breathing, meditation, and progressive muscle relaxation can reduce stress and promote a sense of calm. Incorporating relaxation techniques can help manage the anxiety and physical tension associated with vaginismus. Regularly practicing these techniques can help you feel more relaxed during intimate times.

6. Use Lubrication

Lubrication can significantly enhance comfort during sexual activity. Choosing for high-quality, water-based lubricants to reduce friction and make penetration attempts more comfortable. Lubrication can also enhance pleasure during other forms of sexual play, making the experience more enjoyable for both partners.

7. Explore Different Positions

Certain sexual positions may be more comfortable than others. Experiment with different positions to find what works best for you. Positions where you have more control over the depth and angle of penetration, such as being on top, can help you manage discomfort more effectively.

8. Be Patient with Yourself

Overcoming vaginismus takes time and patience. Celebrate small victories and progress, no matter how minor they may seem. Be kind to yourself and avoid putting pressure on achieving a specific outcome. Your journey to pleasurable sex is unique, and taking it one step at a time is perfectly okay.

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I will be running my ‘Cultivating Consent Culture’ workshop from 09:00–10:00 on Friday 16 August at The Chalice tent at Medicine Festival!

If you’d like to book me for an in-person event like a hen party or baby shower, or as a fun interlude at a sex ed/sensuality event, do get in touch via email. All workshop participants will receive a printable PDF companion workbook with tips and exercises to try out at home.

More workshops info here

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I’m Almaz Ohene, a Creative Copywriter, Freelance Journalist and Accidental Sexpert.
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This content is not behind a paywall, but since it takes time to create and upload each piece, do please consider becoming a paid subscriber of ‘She Dares to Say’ (especially if this project is something that you value, and you have the means to do so), which is either billed monthly at £3.79 or annually at £34.99.

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You can also show your enjoyment without spending £££, by liking, commenting or restacking on Notes or by just generally sharing this post 😃