The Soul’s Desire

^{translated from the Spanish by the Benedictines of Stanbrook}

         Vivo sin vivir en mi.

I live, but yet I live not in myself, 
For since aspiring to a life more high
I ever die because I do not die.

This mystic union of Love divine,
The bond whereby alone my soul doth live, 
Hath made of God my Captive—but to me 
True liberty of heart the while doth give.
And yet my spirit is so sorely pained 
At gazing on my Lord by me enchained, 
That still I die because I do not die.

Alas, how wearisome a waste is life!
How hard a fate to bear! In exile here
Fast locked in iron fetters lies my soul,
A prisoner in earth’s mournful dungeon drear. 
But yet the very hope of some relief
Doth wound my soul with such tormenting grief, 
That still I die because I do not die.

No life so bitter, none so sad as mine
While exiled from my Lord my days are spent, 
For though to love be sweet, yet hope deferred 
Is wearisome: from life’s long banishment,
O God, relieve me! from this mournful freight 
Which crushes with a more than leaden weight,
So that I die because I do not die.

I live, since death must surely come at last;— 
Upon that hope alone my trust I build,
For when this mortal life shall die, at length 
My longings then will wholly be fulfilled.
Come, Death, come, bring life’s certainty to me, 
O tarry thou no more !—I wait for thee,
And ever die because I do not die.

From “Glosa”

Vivo sin vivir en mi,
Y tan alta vida espero,
Que muero porque no muero.

Aquesta divina unión 
Del amor con que yo vivo,
Hace á Dios ser mi cautivo,
Y libre mi corazón:
Mas causa en mí tal pasión 
Ver á Dios mi prisionero,
Que muero porque no muero.

       ¡Ay! ¡ qué larga es esta vida! 
¡Qué duros estos destierros, 
Esta cárcel y estos hierros 
En que el alma está metida! 
Solo esperar la salida 
Me causa un dolor tan fiero,
Que muero porque no muero.

       ¡Ay! ¡ qué vida tan amarga 
Do no se goza el Señor!
Y si es dulce el amor,
No lo es la esperanza larga: 
Quíteme Dios esta carga,
Mas pesada que de acero,
Que muero porque no muero.

Solo con la confianza 
Vivo de que he de morir,
Porque muriendo el vivir 
Me asegura mi esperanza:
Muerte do el vivir se alcanza,
No te tardes, que te espero,
Que muero porque no muero.

This poem is in the public domain. Published in Poem-a-Day on September 8, 2024, by the Academy of American Poets.

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“The Soul’s Desire,” also known as “Glosa,” is a partial translation of the thirteen-stanza poem that first appeared in Obras escogidas de Santa Teresa de Jesus: precedidas de su vida (Baudry, Librería Europea, 1847). “The Soul’s Desire” was later the second of thirty-six poems published in Minor Works of St. Teresa: Conceptions of the Love of God, Exclamations, Maxims and Poems of Saint Teresa of Jesus (Thomas Baker, 1913). The reverend Father Benedict Zimmerman provided notes on each poem and for “The Soul’s Desire.” He wrote, “This poem, known as the ‘Gloss’ of St. Teresa, is the most famous of her verses. It was written at Salamanca [in Spain] in 1571, as related by Sister Isabel of Jesus in her deposition in the process of canonisation [sic]: ‘When I was a novice I sang one day during recreation some verses describing the grief felt by the soul at its separation from God. During the singing [St. Teresa] went into an ecstasy in the presence of the nuns. […] By comparing the day and hour with what she wrote later on, we discovered that during this rapture our Lord had bestowed upon her some signal favour [sic].’”