The Rubesletter - We should train cops at comedy clubs
This is the Rubesletter from Matt Ruby. I’m a comedian, writer, and the creator of Vooza. Every Tuesday, I send essays, jokes, and videos to your inbox. You’re on the free plan, for the full experience, sign up for a paid subscription. We should train cops at comedy clubsComedy club bouncers do a way better job at deescalation than the police.Five scalding hot takes way too dangerous for the internet (hide the kids!)💎 We should train cops at comedy clubs. Re: Tyreek Hill arrest, it sure does seem challenging for police to deescalate without being jerks about it. The crazy thing is comedy club bouncers seem to know how to do this better than actual cops. “Gonna need you to keep it down, sir” = problem solved 90% of the time. And they don’t even have guns. Screw the police academy, we need to start training wannabe cops at the local Chuckle Hut. 💎 It’s not Gen Z’s fault. We should spend more time blaming Gen X for Gen Z (and Boomers for Millennials). How ya gonna bake the cake and then turn around and start complaining about how it tastes!? Look in the mirror, Dr. Frankenstein. 💎 Women’s standards are too high. Women do more domestic labor because they have higher standards. Men can live in a hovel, eat TV dinners, and sleep on the floor every night and be fine with it. Yet instead of being praised for our adaptability, we are criticized for our tolerance. This LMS (Low Maintenance Shaming) must stop! 💎 We’re living too long, The problem is we live too long now. No one was depressed 300 years ago because they were just happy to be alive. Then: "I made it to 50. Wow!" Now, you turn 50 and it’s like, "Jeez, I’m not even halfway there." This is at the heart of so many issues we’re facing (e.g. divorce, social security, geezer politicians clinging to power, etc.), yet we refuse to have an honest conversation about it. 💎 We screwed up evolution. Dumb, ugly people are having so many babies. Meanwhile, smart hotties are like "I'm gonna wait." Reverse Darwinism! It's messed up cuz nature is tryna tell us to do the exact opposite. Must be really frustrating for Mother Earth that we're an OS that refuse to run her code properly. 🤑 Support the cause. You’ll get bonus content too. Just a few bucks a month. It helps. 🤑Quickies🎯 Great dating hack no one discusses: Lower your standards. 🎯 It’s not that complicated. “The Bear” is transgenre: It’s a drama that identifies as a comedy. 🎯 introvers - person who can go either way on being an introvert/extrovert 🎯 There needs to be a documentary about blogging/internet stuff in early 00's if for no other reason than that it'll show young people that online life wasn't always (and doesn't have to be) a hellscape. 🎯 One big problem with "late night" is we all watch it at noon. 🎯 Dear under-25 bisexuals: No one believes you. Every lesbian thinks young bisexual women are actually straight. Every gay dude thinks young bisexual guys are actually gay. Get back to us when you're 40 and then we'll buy it. 🎯 Q: What is dark triad personality? 🎯 I will not "get home safe." I will get home dangerous. 🎯 stoicoin - a cryptocurrency for people who believe in stoicism * * My scam idea that seems like it'd have a 90% chance of success. 🎯 A great thing about being bohemian is it makes apathy seem intentional. 🎯 The problem with community is other people. 🎯 I am the mother of Dave Grohl's new baby. I will not be taking questions at this time and ask you to respect my family's request for privacy as we deal with these difficult circumstances. Comedy🃏 Get jokes on my social media: Instagram – TikTok – Threads – X – Substack Notes. 🃏 Watch my standup at YouTube. I post new Shorts there on the regular and got a new special coming soon. 🃏 I post clips at Punchup.Live too. Here’s one where I talk about drugs and conspiracies... 🃏 NYC: GOOD EGGS is uptown every Monday night at 7:30pm at the new NY Comedy Club on the Upper West Side. Also go these other weekly shows in NYC: HOT SOUP (Tuesdays) at Comedy Cellar and GOOD EGGS (Wednesdays) at NY Comedy Club (East Village). ScreenshootingWell, lookie here… 👀 Binge fringe Hear me out: Beer goggles are actually a GOOD thing. When society stops binge drinking… …it also stops screwing! 👀 Brat everything “For the design: I’m thinking ADHD, but make it BRAT.” 👀Tacky Relate so hard to this Tom Ford thing. When I was 8, I asked my mom if she thought I was good looking. She eyed me up and down and then replied, “Maybe after you get braces.” Thanks for the future therapy material, Ma! I did have bad teeth though. I know because my orthodontist used the mold of my teeth as his before and after to sell other patients. Every month he’d pull out the mold and show me and I’d have to sit there, nod, and think, “Yeah, I was pretty damn heinous. Thanks for reminding me!” 👀 Oh, Elon It's giving "The other day a veteran approached me, good looking man, tough man, and he said, 'Sir...'" We need a term for when one's downward spiral coincides with manic sh*tposting on social media. “Shock bottom” perhaps? 👀 “…led to death threats” I refuse to reward "led to death threats" with true victimhood status. There's been too much death threat inflation. This ain't 1993 anymore. "I got death threats" is the price you pay for going viral now. Anytime I hear someone complaining about death threats these days, I think, “We get it, you’re popular.” 5-spotted🗯️ Speaking of, Nick Gillespie on threat inflation.
🗯️ Sasha Chapin: 50 things I know. Good list!
🗯️ Pamela Paul on euphemism inflation and Georges Carlin/Orwell. “The right euphemism not only removes blame, it also reassigns it.”
🗯️ Roger Ebert: “A lot of fans are basically fans of fandom itself.”
We did it! Thanks for reading. -Matt P.S. Listen to my podcast Kind of a Lot with Matt Ruby. It’s like this newsletter but audio and with someone calling me out on my bullsh*t.
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Older messages
Something freaky is happening
Tuesday, September 10, 2024
Found the unification theory for my political views. ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏
Don’t botsh*t where you eat
Friday, September 6, 2024
On black sludge, AI, and why you might want to cut back on microwave popcorn. ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏
The three-song limit
Sunday, September 1, 2024
How bands treat press photographers is how we should all lead our lives. ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏
Let's stop talking about GOATs
Monday, August 26, 2024
The term is basically meaningless now. || Also: Axes, vaping, fashion, mental health, candles, and crabs. ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏
What the media can learn from comedian podcasters like Theo Von, Joe Rogan, & Marc Maron
Thursday, August 22, 2024
On the importance of setting a frame. ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏
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