Zucked up

Meta’s chief schmo got a glow up. But you know who he reminds me of now?

Maybe we’ll get a steel cage match with Musk, Zuck, Jake Paul, and Mike Tyson!?

Zuck is also out here saying those Ray-Ban Meta smart glasses are the next big thing. Def legit 'cuz when has he ever hyped something and been wrong? OK, off to spend the rest of the day looking at the Metaverse through my Orion goggles!

Chappell(e)

Either Chappell Roan or Dave Chappelle needs to change their name 'cuz it's taking up too much of my brainpower processing which of 'em is in the clickbait headlines du jour. Or they can just get married ‘cuz I’d click on anything that says “Chappell Chappelle.”

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Hurricanes

They should name hurricanes after Russian women.

It's easy to stick around when a Hurricane Doris is approaching, but everyone would totally evacuate if they knew Hurricane Svetlana was coming to town.

"Fill your bathtub with water, Olga's coming!"

On a serious note, just donated to BeLoved Asheville (“All donations go directly to our projects as we have no paid staff!“). Consider it if you got the means. Asheville resident Alex Dobrenko`says they’re doing good work.

NYCorruption

The biggest shocker about this Eric Adams thing is how cheap he could be had for. Some flights and a luxury suite!? My message to Adams:

Imagine a foreign country trying to bribe the mayor of any other American city. New York City, baby. We still got it!

Get Jay Z on the horn. We need a remix:

🎶 In New York
Concrete jungle where Turks will pay you
There's no one you can't bribe
Mayor of New York
These flights will make him feel first class
Permits will come through
Let's hear it for New York 🎶

Related: I’m glad Hell’s Kitchen is still kinda dangerous because I'm a fan of truth in advertising.

The Rubesletter is hand-typed by a human named Matt Ruby who could use your support. I mean, clearly, I need therapy. So pay up. You’ll get bonus content and good vibes. ‘Preciate it.

Brat

What’s brat mean? Charli XCX:

“You’re just like that girl who is a little messy and likes to party and maybe says some dumb things sometimes. Who feels herself but maybe also has a breakdown. But kind of like, parties through it, is very honest, very blunt. A little bit volatile. Like, does dumb things. But it’s brat. You’re brat. That’s brat.”

Um, that’s just all the dark triad personality traits combined. RIP Brat Summer. Hello, Narcissist Fall!

And now they’re telling me Kamala is brat? I was gonna vote for her, but now that I know she’s brat, I’m kinda worried.

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Looney

Jewish friends asking, "What are you going to do on October 7th?"

Wait, now I gotta do something IN BETWEEN Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur!? Damn, I didn’t think I could hate H@mas even more, yet... 😡 Seriously, my calendar doesn't have room for this much October Judaism.

Meanwhile, the Middle East is going (more) crazy.

ICYMI: Here’s what went down in Lebanon, which was downright cartoonish.

1. Hezbollah kept firing rockets at Israel.

2. So Israel destroyed Hezbollah’s cellphone network.

3. Then, they got pagers.

4. So Israel blew up the pagers.

5. Then, they switched to walkie-talkies.

6. So Israel blew up the walkie-talkies.

7. Then, they met in person.

8. So Israel bombed the meeting.

9. Then, their leader vowed Israel would “face just retribution and a bitter reckoning.”

10. So Israel killed him in a strike.

My advice to whomever runs Hezbollah now: If your homing pigeon starts ticking, back the f– up.

Do they not have Looney Tunes in the Middle East? Because at some point, you'd think it’d dawn on folks like Hezbollah that they're the coyote, not the Road Runner.

Anyway, Iran is now firing rockets at Israel. I’m sure that’ll work out great for ‘em. Beep beep.

As for American diplomacy in the region…

U.S. = Charlie Brown
Israel = Lucy
Cease-fire = 🏈

Baby talk

“The GOP doesn’t even have a platform.”

Not true! See below…

Pretty much sums it up.

Meanwhile, Trump out on the campaign trail is embodying the classic decline of every TV show...

Season 1: "He wasn't born in America."
Season 10: "She never worked at McDonald's."

Knicks-T’wolves trade

.02 from a Knicks fan: Liberation for OG, Bridges, and Hart. Lets them cook. Something had to be done about the logjam. Props to Randle who ate up minutes during the regular season, but he never proved he could produce in playoffs/deserved big contract he wanted. And with IHart gone and Mitch down, something had to be done at center. Def worried KAT is too soft, but maybe a new situation where less is asked of him is perfect fit? In Leon we trust! Let's go Knicks! 🏀

Quickies

🎯 I’ve never met a man who is extremely successful and also extremely into video games.

🎯 Ozempic is the stolen valor of weight loss. You never hit the gym, but you still get the praise.

🎯 I know I’m tough to date ‘cuz my ex started doing triathlons after we broke up. That means she could bike 15 miles, swim another mile, and then run a marathon. But after living with me for 9 months, she was like, "The pain is too much. I can't take it."

🎯 Conspiracy theories are a balm against the chaos of the truth.

🎯 Ladies must have loved the Zodiac Killer. Bad boy, dangerous, big planner, and loves astrology!? Humina humina.

🎯 Dear incels…
Good news: Women just want you to be good at something.
Bad news: Unfortunately, complaining doesn’t count.

🎯 Edgiest thing you can say now is: “I am not a victim. I am not disordered. I am responsible for my decisions. And I don’t want you to feel sorry for me.” [Gasp!]

🎯 Growing up, coding was for nerds, politics was for geeks, and data was for losers. It was glorious.

🎯 Kids, you won’t believe this, but once upon a time, p0rn, weed, and sports betting were frowned upon. Then we decide to switch to a sin-based economy. #sinonomics

🎯 You know you're truly old once people start saying you're "[x] years young."

🎯 We need to reevaluate the term “midlife crisis.” The way things are trending, midlife is probably closer to 60ish now. (Looks like I'm gonna need another sportscar.)

🎯 Just change "screens" to "sedatives" and there's your answer. Like imagine someone asking, "Is it okay to give the kids sedatives all day?"

🎯 Yeah, I know I have “first world problems.” But am I only supposed to kvetch if I have malaria!?

🎯 I’m a huge fan of passive aggressive Post-It notes so I’m thinking about getting a roommate.

5-spotted

Seth Meyers has “no f–king idea” what Salesforce actually does.

“I saw ‘architect’ used as a verb. I don’t even think architects use ‘architect’ as a verb. If you were at a party and you said, ‘What do you do?’ and someone said, ‘I architect,’ you would think, ‘No you don’t!’”

Big Tech is undermining the pillars of America’s market economy.

The addiction economy relies on an asymmetrical exchange of information. Users are expected to blithely surrender their private information for access to services. The data collectors, meanwhile, fiercely guard their own privacy, typically refusing to disclose what information they have, whom they sell it to, and how they use it to manipulate our behavior.

Chat Podcasts Rule the Market—and Always Will.

Narrative podcasts are very expensive to make. They require a large upfront investment, and then you try to figure out how to make them as successful as possible if they resonate with audiences. And a lot of companies have had difficulty bringing those types of projects to market given the struggles of the entertainment media industry…Podcasts with chat as a focus are a little bit easier to test out, put in the market, and to create each week.

The good thing about the mainstream media: verification.

What these newspaper and TV exposés have in common, is that they are already investigations. The scrutiny has already been done and redone, tested by lawyers, combed through by editors, channel heads, lawyers again, lawyers again.

Journalists carefully sift through rumour and third-hand accounts, track down the people mentioned in those rumours, discount anything that can’t be verified.

Then, when a participant is traced and willing to talk, their accounts are corroborated by others who were there at the time of the alleged incident.

Ethan Hawke on the time Kris Kristofferson told off Toby Keith (allegedly).

“You know what Waylon Jennings said about guys like him?” he whispered.

I shook my head.

“They’re doin’ to country music what pantyhose did to finger-fuckin’.”

Thanks for BEING YOU.

-Matt