Mark Zuckerberg is turning into a Paul brother
This is the Rubesletter from Matt Ruby. I’m a comedian, writer, and the creator of Vooza. Every Tuesday, I send essays, jokes, and videos to your inbox. You’re on the free plan, for the full experience, sign up for a paid subscription. Mark Zuckerberg is turning into a Paul brotherAlso: Chappell Roan, hurricanes, Eric Adams, Brat, Lebanon, ESPN, baby eating, and more.Zucked up Meta’s chief schmo got a glow up. But you know who he reminds me of now? Maybe we’ll get a steel cage match with Musk, Zuck, Jake Paul, and Mike Tyson!? Zuck is also out here saying those Ray-Ban Meta smart glasses are the next big thing. Def legit 'cuz when has he ever hyped something and been wrong? OK, off to spend the rest of the day looking at the Metaverse through my Orion goggles! Chappell(e) Either Chappell Roan or Dave Chappelle needs to change their name 'cuz it's taking up too much of my brainpower processing which of 'em is in the clickbait headlines du jour. Or they can just get married ‘cuz I’d click on anything that says “Chappell Chappelle.” Hurricanes They should name hurricanes after Russian women. It's easy to stick around when a Hurricane Doris is approaching, but everyone would totally evacuate if they knew Hurricane Svetlana was coming to town. "Fill your bathtub with water, Olga's coming!" On a serious note, just donated to BeLoved Asheville (“All donations go directly to our projects as we have no paid staff!“). Consider it if you got the means. Asheville resident Alex Dobrenko`says they’re doing good work. NYCorruption The biggest shocker about this Eric Adams thing is how cheap he could be had for. Some flights and a luxury suite!? My message to Adams: Imagine a foreign country trying to bribe the mayor of any other American city. New York City, baby. We still got it! Get Jay Z on the horn. We need a remix: 🎶 In New York Related: I’m glad Hell’s Kitchen is still kinda dangerous because I'm a fan of truth in advertising. The Rubesletter is hand-typed by a human named Matt Ruby who could use your support. I mean, clearly, I need therapy. So pay up. You’ll get bonus content and good vibes. ‘Preciate it.Brat What’s brat mean? Charli XCX:
Um, that’s just all the dark triad personality traits combined. RIP Brat Summer. Hello, Narcissist Fall! And now they’re telling me Kamala is brat? I was gonna vote for her, but now that I know she’s brat, I’m kinda worried. Looney Jewish friends asking, "What are you going to do on October 7th?" Wait, now I gotta do something IN BETWEEN Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur!? Damn, I didn’t think I could hate H@mas even more, yet... 😡 Seriously, my calendar doesn't have room for this much October Judaism. Meanwhile, the Middle East is going (more) crazy. ICYMI: Here’s what went down in Lebanon, which was downright cartoonish.
My advice to whomever runs Hezbollah now: If your homing pigeon starts ticking, back the f– up. Do they not have Looney Tunes in the Middle East? Because at some point, you'd think it’d dawn on folks like Hezbollah that they're the coyote, not the Road Runner. Anyway, Iran is now firing rockets at Israel. I’m sure that’ll work out great for ‘em. Beep beep. As for American diplomacy in the region… U.S. = Charlie Brown Baby talk “The GOP doesn’t even have a platform.” Not true! See below… Pretty much sums it up. Meanwhile, Trump out on the campaign trail is embodying the classic decline of every TV show... Knicks-T’wolves trade .02 from a Knicks fan: Liberation for OG, Bridges, and Hart. Lets them cook. Something had to be done about the logjam. Props to Randle who ate up minutes during the regular season, but he never proved he could produce in playoffs/deserved big contract he wanted. And with IHart gone and Mitch down, something had to be done at center. Def worried KAT is too soft, but maybe a new situation where less is asked of him is perfect fit? In Leon we trust! Let's go Knicks! 🏀 Quickies🎯 I’ve never met a man who is extremely successful and also extremely into video games. 🎯 Ozempic is the stolen valor of weight loss. You never hit the gym, but you still get the praise. 🎯 I know I’m tough to date ‘cuz my ex started doing triathlons after we broke up. That means she could bike 15 miles, swim another mile, and then run a marathon. But after living with me for 9 months, she was like, "The pain is too much. I can't take it." 🎯 Conspiracy theories are a balm against the chaos of the truth. 🎯 Ladies must have loved the Zodiac Killer. Bad boy, dangerous, big planner, and loves astrology!? Humina humina. 🎯 Dear incels… 🎯 Edgiest thing you can say now is: “I am not a victim. I am not disordered. I am responsible for my decisions. And I don’t want you to feel sorry for me.” [Gasp!] 🎯 Growing up, coding was for nerds, politics was for geeks, and data was for losers. It was glorious. 🎯 Kids, you won’t believe this, but once upon a time, p0rn, weed, and sports betting were frowned upon. Then we decide to switch to a sin-based economy. #sinonomics 🎯 You know you're truly old once people start saying you're "[x] years young." 🎯 We need to reevaluate the term “midlife crisis.” The way things are trending, midlife is probably closer to 60ish now. (Looks like I'm gonna need another sportscar.) 🎯 Just change "screens" to "sedatives" and there's your answer. Like imagine someone asking, "Is it okay to give the kids sedatives all day?" 🎯 Yeah, I know I have “first world problems.” But am I only supposed to kvetch if I have malaria!? 🎯 I’m a huge fan of passive aggressive Post-It notes so I’m thinking about getting a roommate. 5-spottedSeth Meyers has “no f–king idea” what Salesforce actually does.
Big Tech is undermining the pillars of America’s market economy.
Chat Podcasts Rule the Market—and Always Will.
The good thing about the mainstream media: verification.
Ethan Hawke on the time Kris Kristofferson told off Toby Keith (allegedly).
Thanks for BEING YOU. -Matt You’re on the free list for The Rubesletter by Matt Ruby. For bonus content, become a paying subscriber. Check out Matt’s other newsletter: Funny How: Letters to a Young Comedian. Follow Matt elsewhere: Instagram • YouTube • Threads • Twitter • TikTok • Facebook |
Older messages
White lies, disco naps, and ex-pats
Wednesday, September 25, 2024
Also: Thoughts on Aaron Rodgers, J. Lo, Elon, Diddy, Tucker, Jews, Netflix, Mulaney, Robert Caro, and more. ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏
What a week for freaks!
Friday, September 20, 2024
Diddy, Gaetz, Nuzzi, RFK Jr., and the "black n*zi." Everything hits at once! 📐 Also: 20 correct takes on the election you won't see anywhere else. ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏
We should train cops at comedy clubs
Tuesday, September 17, 2024
Comedy club bouncers do a way better job at deescalation than the police. ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏
Something freaky is happening
Tuesday, September 10, 2024
Found the unification theory for my political views. ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏
Don’t botsh*t where you eat
Friday, September 6, 2024
On black sludge, AI, and why you might want to cut back on microwave popcorn. ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏
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