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Staying fully present during a conversation is as hard as holding an M&M candy in your mouth for the two minutes it takes to completely melt without giving in to the urge to crunch on it, writes leadership consultant Amber Johnson, who offers tips on honing your focused listening skills. Pay attention to when your mind wanders so you can call it back, repeat back what another is saying to you and get curious about the deeper meaning of the conversation and what's not being said, Johnson advises.

Put it into practice: Johnson offers an equation to remember when engaging in conversation: "Better questions + active listening + thoughtful sharing = your half of a good conversation." As Johnson notes: "Asking better questions helps us improve the quality of our conversations and our relationships."

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I had never thought to compare the skill of deeply listening to another person to eating candy before. But Amber Johnson's article made me realize that it can often be difficult to really focus on what another person is saying without our mind wandering just a few seconds into the conversation.

While we listen, we're often thinking about how to respond or a million other things, like what we'll be doing after this conversation. It can prevent us from genuinely hearing what the other person is saying -- and what they're not saying -- as well as keeping us from noticing body language or other clues to the emotional disposition of the other person.

Marlene Chism advises us to be cognizant of those clues, along with an awareness of our state of mind before we enter a conversation. If we're angry or unprepared, it's a recipe for disaster.

Awareness, then, is the key to any good conversation -- aware of our own emotional, physical or mental state as well as awareness of how others are feeling, too. It takes much cognitive effort to listen to another person deeply. When we do, though, we can become adept at picking up on what they're saying under the surface of conversations, which can lead to better questions to get to the root of problems.

Take Johnson's candy test and see if you can concentrate for the two minutes it takes for it to melt in your mouth. If you can keep your mind steady for that long, then you'll become one of the best deep listeners around.

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