It’s my fault. As ambassador of the elites, I take full responsibility for this defeat.

First off, let’s admit it: He’s the greatest con man ever. The first time around, people might not have understood what was happening. This time, everybody knew — and they went for it anyway. When you get the marks to volunteer for the duping, you’ve achieved true con mastery.

Am I mad? Nah. Frustrated, but this is just who we are. It’s the same way I feel about the rise in antisemitism. We act like something new is happening, but really we just moved the rock and are now seeing what was underneath all along. I’d rather stare it in the face than pretend it’s not there. This is who we are.

(Also, let’s be real: I’m a white dude who lives in NYC so I’ll probably be insulated from the worst of it.)

Plus, I kinda saw it coming…

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The media lesson

America just learned what everyone in comedy figured out a few years ago: podcasts and YouTube have way more power than legacy media now. Dear elites: Stop fighting the last war. Theo Von now has more pull than 60 Minutes. (Gulp.)

Comics know this because we’ve seen how these things move ticket sales. A few viral vids and all of a sudden guys who couldn’t sell out clubs began headlining theaters. Guys who got pod listeners to feel like part of their tribe saw ridic Patreon earnings. (The Tim Dillon Show has 42,674 patrons which means it earns over $200K/month from it.)

“Butts in seats” is the comedy version of elections. It’s our way of saying, “Scoreboard!” The lesson we’ve learned: You can go on Colbert 15 times and it won’t have the impact of one Rogan appearance. Especially if you wanna reach dudes.

Ezra Klein explained this in the NYT:

She should’ve gone on Rogan, and much else besides…But Rogan is symbolic of something bigger. There is an alienation that’s grown between young men and much of the Democratic Party. For years, there’s been no real way of talking about masculinity in liberal circles that didn’t attach the word “toxic” before it. There’s been a reveling in growing female strength and a deep critique of male culture. You can have any view you want on the merits of that, but it’s had consequences.

FYI Rogan desperately wanted to talk to Kamala. But her team insisted on him travellng to her, doing an interview that was 45mins max, and having others in the room during the discussion. He refused because that's just not what he does. I get that. (I’m with Ezra though: Man, I wish she had gone.) If your media sources portrayed that differently, consider how much they’re failing to provide the full picture elsewhere.

As an exercise, Democrats should figure out how to make a podcast that appeals to men who like sports. Give bros a lane for something (anything!) that codes masculinity, strength, sports, etc. in a way that’s not considered misogynist. Because the closest dudes get to leftism like that is one tweet every four years from Lebron. Too little, too late. Build an infrastructure (manosphere 2.0?) that streams aspirational masculinity. Otherwise, lil’ fellas gonna keep winding up in a Jordan Peterson vortex and no one should take advice from a guy who wears suits like that.

If any/all of this annoys you, I return to this question: Do you want to win next time or nah?

Because what I’m really getting at…

It’s time to realize that incessantly calling men toxic is a bad way to get their votes.

Men are sick of being labelled inherently evil. You know how “the way you were born is bad” shouldn’t be said to gay/trans folks? Well, same thing for everyone, including SWM. No one likes “you people” pile ons.

Wanna win ‘em over? Go for less dunking and more persuading.

Also, stop falling for the culture war traps set by the right. Instead, focus on things that help the millions of Americans who have seen their lives downgraded in the face of globalization.

Y’know, like this guy's been saying all along:

Dems don’t have to go full socialist, but they should speak more to people’s economic needs instead of scolding them for not updating their cultural software quickly enough.

I said that over at Threads and Brad Grier asked me, “How exactly would you persuade young men to vote for Kamala Harris?”

My answer: First off, don't attack them. That just puts ‘em in a defensive crouch. Second, make them feel seen/heard. Third, give them programs that will help them (as opposed to scolding them).

The truth is men are suffering and retreating right now. Richard Reeves has been discussing this at length. Here's a taste.

I worry that we’re not signaling strongly enough to young men now we need you. We in very different spaces. We the families, we the mothers, we the labor market, we the community. Not just we need people, but we need you. And absent that sense of we need you, I think we see a lot of young men retreating.

Hey ladies

Also, we can’t blame it all on men. 53% of white women voted for Trump.

Same as it ever was…

Check out the 2024 results by gender/race:

Tell white men they suck: “You’re not getting my vote.”
Tell white women they suck: “I knew it.”

I guess this is some kinda political negging. Trump out here doing double duty as a con/pickup artist.

In the end, this election felt like trying to decide between your abusive ex and the new match on Hinge who keeps love bombing you. America forgot about all the bad stuff in the past and just remembered “he did make me laugh.”

Now what?

Let’s go, institutions!

Also, I’m excited to watch him turn on all these bootlickers, the way he always does. What’s the over/under for when Elon and Trump have a falling out? I’m going February 2025.

Personally, my plan for the next four years is to stop following the laser pointer. I aim to tune out the daily meshugas of “can you believe he said…” crap. I refuse to let that man control my nervous system. They’re eating the dogs? Fine. Hannibal Lecter did what? Cool. Windmills are doing trans surgery on kids? Whatever.

It’s all Misdirection 101. The wild stuff he says is the magician’s patter that keeps us from paying attention to the Saudi wealth fund up his sleeve. I’m gonna try to ignore the garbage island jokes and keep an eye on the Peter Thiels of the world.

However, there is one quote that keeps sticking in my head though…

After describing the American public as “a 2-year-old smearing the contents of his diapers on the wall” and “a hormone-addled 15-year-old girl slamming the door and giving you the finger,” a red-faced [Tucker] Carlson proposed a solution. “There has to be a point at which Dad comes home,” he said, to full-throated cheers from the crowd. “Dad comes home and he’s pissed. He’s not vengeful, he loves his children. Disobedient as they may be, he loves them, because they’re his children. … And when Dad gets home, you know what he says? You’ve been a bad girl. You’ve been a bad little girl and you’re getting a vigorous spanking right now. And no, it’s not going to hurt me more than it hurts you. No, it’s not. I’m not going to lie. It’s going to hurt you a lot more than it hurts me. And you earned this. You’re getting a vigorous spanking because you’ve been a bad girl, and it has to be this way.”

Um, does this mean Tucker Carlson gets to spank me now?

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Comedy

🃏 Jokes: Get ‘em on my social media: Instagram – TikTok – Threads – X – Substack Notes.

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Quickies

🎯 Had people tell me they prefer voting on Election Day because they “like the energy.” That’s like saying you prefer being awake during a colonoscopy because you “dig the vibe.”

🎯 Flight attendant is the craziest job. You're a greeter, server, nurse, public speaker, and security guard all at the same time.

🎯 Sharks, my idea is an airline that forbids babies. It’s called NBA (No Baby Airlines). Tagline: WHERE EVERY SEAT IS FIRST CLASS!

🎯 Sharks, my other idea is Activist Soup. It’s soup created specifically for throwing on art masterpieces. Extra staining impact, low carbon footprint, and, in solidarity with Palestine, zero matzah balls.

🎯 It’s cute how baseball players all put on mittens when they get to first base. I’m always hopeful they’re about to make a snowman.

🎯 I have been overwhelmed with authenticity and would greatly prefer if people would start pretending more.

🎯 My air conditioner wants to connect to the wi-fi and now I’m afraid it’s going to have more followers than me.

🎯 "Skunk" is such an incredible word. Exactly what that animal should be called. Sharp, funny, and close to "stink" but not. Kudos to whomever named 'em.

🎯 Everything is more complicated than it seems. That overnight sensation took a decade. That war had multiple causes. That simple solution took thousands of iterations. I call this OCCAM'S HAIR GROWTH.

🎯 The 90's seem downright innocent now. Sir Mix-A-Lot was all "I like big butts" and we were like "Whaaaa?" And then Cisqo told us about thongs and we went, "No way!" Cut to now, when we have an entire generation who considers first base hawk tua and second base eating a**.

🎯 Really thought the election would be decided in January with Mike Johnson and AOC competing in a jousting competition.

Live

See me live. Ticket info here.

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-Matt