This is the Friday post at Downtime, a feel-good weekly roundup of recommendations and delightful distractions. If the email cuts off, you can view it on the web.

Hi! I hope you had a lovely and delicious Thanksgiving, however and with whomever you chose to spend it.

I’ve been thinking about holiday cards—and how much I love them. There’s something so special about opening the mailbox to find cute photos of my friends, their kids, or their pets tucked inside. But here’s the thing: every year, I also find myself feeling so stressed out about sending our own. I even have an annually recurring reminder in my to-do list app that says, “take family photo for holiday cards.” And every year, I wonder—why do I put so much effort into something that might get tossed in the trash five seconds after someone glances at it?

Still, as much as I question it, there’s something about the tradition that feels worth keeping. Maybe it’s because I don’t want it to be just another box I check off my list. This year, I’m thinking about how I can make it feel more meaningful—not just for the people who receive the card, but for me, too. What if I pushed the tradition a little further? Instead of just sending a photo, maybe I’ll include a short list of our highlights from the year or add sections like “Our Favorite Shows of 2024” or “Something We Learned This Year.” It feels like a way to turn the tradition into something deeper—a moment of connection rather than just a snapshot.

What about you? Do you have special ways of keeping in touch with loved ones during this time of year?

Leave a comment

—Alisha

Before we get into it, a quick sponsor note:

If you’ve been thinking about adding retinol to your routine but don’t know where to start, Medik8’s Crystal Retinal is a product I’ve been testing that’s worth checking out. I *love* that they have different “levels” of the product so you can work your way up, depending on how sensitive your skin is or how much of a beginner you are with retinol. I use it as the second step in my nighttime routine (after cleansing).

I’ve been pairing this with their Advanced Night Ceramide moisturizer, which is super hydrating, absorbs beautifully, and doesn’t leave my skin feeling greasy. Together, these two products leave my skin feeling so smooth, soft, and glowy the next morning.

Good news: Medik8 is having a 30% off sitewide Black Friday sale from 11/24 to 12/3. That means the retinal starts at $37! Their gift sets are a great deal, too (the Night Shift set actually has both the retinal and the moisturizer). If you’re ready to take your skincare routine up a notch this winter, check out their full line.

*Sponsored placement. Thank you Medik8 for letting me test the products, and thank you for supporting the brands that support Downtime!

2 Silly Peak-Holiday Things I Consumed This Week

Because my brain can’t handle anything cerebral right now…

📺 The Merry Gentlemen on Netflix
I’m generally very on board for “bad holiday movies that bring joy regardless” but sorry, Chad Michael Murray, but this was just…okay. The premise: a big-city girl moves back to her small town to save her family’s failing business and, naturally, turns their old music lounge into a venue for male strip shows. Along the way, she meets a hot small-town guy, falls in love, and, of course, navigate a relationship crisis that everyone knows will resolve with a happy ending. Still, it was fun to watch with friends, but it doesn’t hold a candy cane to my favorite Netflix holiday movie, A Christmas Prince. Have you seen this one yet? Would love to hear your take!

📕 The Christmas Tree Farm by Laurie Gilmore
This one surprised me! I wasn’t sure what to expect—TikTok-famous books often promise vibes but no depth. And sure, Laurie Gilmore’s pen name is a little on-the-nose (clearly inspired by Gilmore Girls), but the book delivers exactly what it should: pure, cozy escapism.

The story follows Holly, a big-city woman who inherits her family’s Christmas tree farm in a picturesque small town. (You can probably guess where this is going.) Determined to sell the farm and get back to her corporate life, Holly’s plans get derailed when she meets Luke, the handsome and slightly grumpy local tree farmer who has his own reasons for keeping the farm alive. Cue small-town hijinks, festive traditions, and just the right amount of romantic tension.

It’s full of charm, swoony moments, and all the holiday atmosphere you could ask for. I found myself reaching for it every night, which is basically the highest praise I can give any book right now. Perfect for lulling you into a snug holiday mood.

The Art of Staying Close With Friends

In today’s Q&A, Gyan Yankovich, the Sydney-based author of FRIENDSHIP FIRST, shares her insights on nurturing friendships, pushing the boundaries of intimacy in platonic relationships, and navigating life transitions with grace.

What inspired you to focus your book on nurturing *existing* friendships rather than how to make new friends, which has been a popular topic?

In my experience, it’s really easy to think about the kinds of friends we wish we had—whether they’re friends to go to new bars with, play sports with, or share secrets with—and assume these people aren’t already in our lives. For some reason, it’s easier to place these imagined expectations on someone we haven’t actually met yet than to look at the people around us and see if any of them could fit the bill. But when I think about the friends I’m close to now that I wasn’t, say, two or three years ago, more often than not these people were already in my life, just sitting more at the periphery.

One of my favorite pieces of research that I came across was a study that found our friends enjoy us reaching out more than we think. There’s often this hesitation to text a friend we haven’t been in touch with for a while, but researchers have found we’re massively underestimating how much people appreciate hearing from their friends, even if they’re not as close as they once were. It’s a nice thing to keep in mind, especially when we’re thinking of people we wish we were closer to.

I loved your perspective on inviting friends into activities traditionally reserved for families, like graduations or holidays. Why do you think this kind of inclusivity is so important?

In one of my interviews for the Australian edition of my book, a woman I spoke to kept using the word “obligation” when talking about her friends. It struck me because I’ve always associated obligation with family and often given it negative connotations—showing up for holidays, graduations, or birthdays because it’s expected.

But I loved the idea that we should also feel some kind of pressure to show up for our friends in the same way society expects us to for our family. If we want these relationships to last through our twenties, thirties, forties, and beyond, this sense of attachment and obligation is essential.

As a new-ish mom, I’ve found it challenging to carve out quality time with friends who aren’t in my closest circle. Do you have advice for maintaining friendships through life’s big transitions?

I love that you’ve brought this up because it’s something I’m going through myself—six of my friends have had babies in the last couple of months. Early in the book, I write about how transitions like starting college, moving cities, or becoming a parent can bring big opportunities for meeting new people and making friends. On the flip side, they can also make it harder to keep in touch with those we were once close to.

I try to remind myself that friendships ebb and flow—just because I’m close to someone now doesn’t mean I always will be, and that’s okay. We can come together again when our lives align. I don’t have a baby myself, but friends have described this “new place” you go after having one, which can last a year or two.

Sometimes transitions strengthen friendships, but not always, especially when one person is going through a life-changing event. In those moments, I focus on accepting the ebb and flow and hoping we’ll reconnect when the time feels right.

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Two Downtime Recommendations from Gyan

1. Nobody Wants This (Netflix)

I’ve been an Adam Brody fan since I was a teenager deeply obsessed with The OC, and this new rom-com series is so charming I had to stop myself from watching it in one sitting. I’m always impressed when I come across well-written flirting, either in a book or TV show, and Brody has such great chemistry with Kristen Bell. I’ve actually squealed at some points. 

2. Rothy’s The Square Mary Jane

After seeing Pandora Sykes wear these flats in lollipop red on her Instagram, I decided to get them in black just days before a three-week vacation to Europe. I knew it was a risk taking brand-new shoes away on a trip that would involve a lot of walking, but they were comfortable from day one—a true rarity! [Editor’s Note: I love this one too and wear it all the time as an alternative to sneakers!]

Thank you, Gyan! You can purchase her book, “Friendship First: From New Sparks to Chosen Family, How Our Friends Pave the Way for Lifelong Happiness” on Barnes & Noble or Amazon.

(Note: This interview was conducted in October and has been edited for conciseness and clarity.)

Edit: If You’re Shopping This Weekend…

It is indeed, Black Friday, so I decided to share just a few cozy, Downtime-approved picks. These are all products that I own and can vouch for that are currently on sale.

• Chappywrap’s blanket is my go-to for couch lounge sessions. I push this blanket on everyone I can. 20% off sitewide with code JOY20.

• LAKE has been a long-time pajama favorite. I’m emotionally attached to this cozy robe that I use every morning (yes, EVERY morning) after a shower—I was so desperate for one that I got a M, a full two sizes above my usual XS as they were sold out, and it fits me just fine with the attached belt (just a little bit roomy, as to be expected). Their baby and kids pajamas are not only super soft, but very stretchy. The fit is meant to be snug, and I think babies and toddlers just look so adorable in them! 25% off sitewide.

• Land’s End: I now own the packable down jacket as my no-frills daycare pickup/going for a quick walk. I also just got this quilted coat for much colder temps (if you’re in between sizes, size up to make room for chunky sweaters). Land’s End makes plus sizes. Up to 60% off sitewide with code AVALANCHE.

• Margaux: My favorite shoe brand. They rarely have sales, so if you’ve been eyeing a pair, I would take advantage. My favorites: the Demi Jane (very soft, buttery leather) and The Downtown Boot. 20% off sitewide.

• LESET: Their pointelle is the loveliest fabric. I have their long pant set and it’s a great lounge outfit. Their Margo tee is my favorite basic white tee. 30% off sitewide.

• Parachute: I know this brand is known for their bedding, but I get asked all the time where my shearling clogs are from whenever I post a mirror/outfit photo on Instagram. Well, they are from Parachute! And they’re finally back in stock. 30% off sitewide.

You can see everything linked here.

✨ DOWNTIME SUBSCRIBER GIVEAWAY ✨

I’ve been doing reader giveaways as a way to say thank you to the paid supporters of Downtime.

This week, I’m giving away the Votive Candle Collection from Hotel Lobby ($145 value). Not only are the scents gorgeous, the packaging is stunning. I’ll choose a winner next week at random, from the pool of paid subscribers who’ve been subscribed for at least 6 months.

If you’d like to join our paid community and be eligible for giveaways and other perks, click here. Thank you for reading!

PREVIOUSLY ON DOWNTIME

Cozy Little Luxuries and the Simple Gifting Formula I’m Using This Year Nov 22 Read full story

The Dessert That Feels Like A Warm Hug, From Pastry Chef Paola Velez Alisha Ramos · Oct 23 Read full story

Take care, and may your weekend be full of cozy blankets, good books, and snacks within arm’s reach. x Alisha