The wackiest headlines from the week as they would appear in a Classifieds section.

Careers

GOLDEN BASEBALL HITTER: Baseball fans are fiercely debating a potential rule change (still hypothetical) that would drastically alter the sport. Called the Golden At-Bat, it would allow managers to send their best hitter to the plate for any at-bat once during a game to ramp up the drama. NYC sports radio legend Mike Francesa said he would stop watching baseball if it were implemented.

SEEKING BRITISH SUMO: London will host an official sumo wrestling tournament in 2025, only the second time ever that an official tournament will take place outside of Japan.

SOMEONE HIRE SANDOVAL: The icons of Vanderpump Rules are out. Season 12 will introduce an entirely new cast of young, drunk servers who scream in parking lots.

Personal

FAKE GRAVE DOWN: A vandal destroyed the prop tombstone of fictional character Ebenezer Scrooge used in 1984’s A Christmas Carol movie. We don’t want to point fingers, but The Muppet Christmas Carol fans always seem to get mighty cocky around this time of year.

ABANDONED PIES: A van stolen from an English Michelin-star restaurant this week wasn’t recovered quickly enough to save its precious cargo: 2,500 pounds of savory pies. The steak and ale, turkey, and butternut squash pies were destined for a Christmas market nearby, but after the incident, the nearly $32,000 worth of food had to be thrown out.

ISO HOME FOR ROCK: Stephen King is shutting down his three independent radio stations in Bangor, ME, after keeping them alive for decades. Is it worth it to bury them in a controversial cemetery in hopes they return?

For sale

MUSICAL KNOCKOFFS: US Customs and Border Protection agents seized more than 3,000 fake Gibson guitars at a Los Angeles port. If the guitars had been real, they would have been worth $18 million and made some of y’all’s dads really excited.

8-BIT THIGH: KFC released a Tamagotchi knockoff—in case you wanted to care for and raise a breaded drumstick as a virtual pet. The devices were initially available in Madrid for under $5 but are going for as much as $30 on eBay.

EAU DE TOMATE: Get ready for savory perfumes in 2025. Industry experts predict your trendiest friends will be walking around smelling like they just got off a brunch shift.—MM

One Toronto man has taken the discipline of Strava art to a new level.

Duncan McCabe combined his love for running and animation to create a now-viral TikTok that stars a stickman in a hat dancing to Sofi Tukker’s “Purple Hat” overlaid on a map of Toronto. People have used Strava to walk, run, cycle, and hike art-inspired routes that create a still shape or object on a map, but McCabe blew those away with his degree of difficulty: He ran ~120 times over the course of nearly a year to create a 27-second moving picture that’s been viewed more than a million times.

“I became one with the stickman,” McCabe deadpanned to the New York Times. “It’s an unbelievable amount of work for a few seconds of content.”—DL

Here are some illuminating scientific discoveries from the week to help you live better and maybe even get your friends and family their favorite presents ever.

Animal elders pass on wisdom like The Giver. The oldest members of endangered species need to be protected most, conservationists warned in a new review of more than 9,000 peer-reviewed papers on social and collective memory in wild animals. Older female elephants remember tipoffs to danger (like lions), postmenopausal orcas lead their pods to the best areas for salmon hunting, and deep-sea corals can shelter entire ecosystems for thousands of years. When animal herds lose their elders to poaching or climate change, they can fall apart, the researchers found—imagine if a school of fish lost the older members of the family who led everyone else to the best breeding grounds. The scientists are calling for “longevity conservation,” which prioritizes protecting older animals and the knowledge they share with the rest of their populations.

Google’s new weather tool nails 15-day forecasts. A new AI model trained on 40 years of weather data (up until 2018) is able to project 2019 weather patterns better than the best forecasting models currently used by meteorologists, according to Google. The tech giant said its new toy, GenCast, sees an additional five days ahead compared to leading forecasting tools, and it also sometimes provides more accurate predictions for wind and the path of extreme weather like tornadoes, which could help disaster-prone areas better prepare for emergencies. Google DeepMind isn’t alone in pursuing meteorology: AI leaders Nvidia and Huawei also released weather forecasting models over the past few years.

Good gift-givers don’t do this. As you check off your holiday shopping list, check in with yourself—is this present something they want, or something you want to give them? The best gifters leave their ego at the door, according to a psychologist who says people tend to prefer presents they’ve asked for, rather than surprises. So, go the straightforward route, and also don’t be afraid to do a partial gift, like four nice dinner plates out of eight requested. Other gift-maxing suggestions include: Giving experiences (like vacations or massages), sacrificing nice gift wrap so you can splurge on the main attraction, and getting sentimental presents rather than clothes or gadgets for those closest to you.—ML

The University of Michigan is considering expelling some of its pioneering diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) initiatives from its halls, joining scores of American institutions moving in a similar direction.

Michigan’s flagship state school announced this week that it will no longer solicit diversity statements on applications for faculty positions, promotion, or tenure. In revealing the decision, Provost Laurie McCauley cited criticism that requiring job candidates to describe how they’re positioned to advance DEI goals has the potential to “reduce diversity of thought among faculty members.”

The UMich regents also reportedly considered slashing funding to some DEI programs and funneling more money toward financial aid for low-income students and expanding recruitment programs, according to the New York Times. Though they ultimately didn’t move to defund the programs at their Wednesday meeting, the regents’ rethinking of DEI has drawn vigorous criticism from UMich DEI professionals and other members of the school community.

While the developments mirror wider trends across academia and industry—including Harvard and MIT similarly getting rid of diversity statements—it’s a major about-face for an institution that trailblazed DEI practices that were replicated on campuses nationwide. It represents one of the first instances of a selective public university remodeling its DEI approach not as a reaction to changing laws, per the New York Times.

DEI debate

Since 2016, UMich has spent $250 million on a sweeping DEI initiative that infused all aspects of university operations, made diversity training for faculty the norm, and centered identity in hiring decisions and course syllabi, according to the New York Times.

The effort has been attacked for causing administrative bloat: UMich professor Mark J. Perry, a DEI critic, calculated that the school employs 241 DEI professionals (a number UMich calls an overcount).

The NYT reported on other criticisms of Michigan’s DEI practices:

• Some faculty members claim much of the DEI effort means they must contend with the need to write time-consuming reports, participate in virtue signaling exercises with dubious results, and work in a culture that creates overeagerness among students to file formal complaints.
• Surveys found that Wolverines are generally ignoring UMich’s DEI efforts and having fewer interactions with people of other races on campus.
• Some faculty accused the university of prioritizing box-checking over substantive action to help students from disadvantaged backgrounds. The New York Times noted that Black enrollment has stagnated.

But campus activists and some faculty members believe that dropping the programs would be a mistake and a capitulation to outside political pressure. While acknowledging UMich’s DEI playbook isn’t perfect, they claim branding DEI professionals as mere pencil pushers is a mischaracterization of their work, which includes tasks like helping plan class schedules to accommodate students with evening jobs. Defenders credit DEI with boosting enrollment rates of first-generation college students and people of color (though Black enrollment remains disproportionally low).

Meanwhile, UMich’s Chief Diversity Officer Tabbye Chavous accused the New York Times report of peddling misinformation and “sexism.”

DEI on the decline in corporate America

DEI battles aren’t contained to Ann Arbor. Conservative activism, fueled by the Supreme Court’s 2023 decision banning affirmative action in university admissions, has spurred companies large and small to lawsuit-proof their DEI strategy or ditch it altogether.

Last month, Walmart said that it would close its center for racial equity, stop considering race and gender when choosing suppliers, and stop reporting data to the Human Rights Campaign index used to grade companies on LGBTQ inclusivity.

Corporate and governmental DEI got a rebuke in federal court this week when a judge rejected Boeing’s plea deal with the Justice Department over two deadly 737 Max crashes: US District Judge Reed O’Connor claimed a DEI provision in the agreement injects diversity considerations into the choice of a monitor to oversee Boeing’s future compliance, which is not in the public interest.

Meanwhile, a newly created “anti-woke” ETF that will begin trading in the coming months—consisting of only S&P 500 companies without DEI hiring—has reportedly singled out Starbucks as a target for exclusion from the fund. Starbucks responded that its diversity goals expired recently and have not been reinstated.

Looking ahead: President-elect Donald Trump will likely wage an aggressive campaign against DEI in universities by threatening to retract federal funding. It’s also expected he’ll fight against diversity initiatives in federal agencies and in the selection of government contractors, efforts that could lead to DEI falling even further out of favor with corporate America.—SK

It’s a big world out there. In this section, we’ll teleport you to an interesting location—and hopefully give you travel ideas in the process.

The Apollo—Harlem’s legendary theater that has launched the careers of singers, rappers, comedians, and poets—will become the first institution to be recognized at the Kennedy Center Honors in Washington, D.C.

Queen Latifah will host tonight’s ceremony, which will air on CBS and Paramount+ on Dec. 23. Cinema visionary Francis Ford Coppola, rock band the Grateful Dead, jazz musician and composer Arturo Sandoval, and singer Bonnie Raitt will also provide something to talk about as honorees.

But it’s The Apollo and its place at the heart of American culture for nearly a century that’s finally getting its long overdue recognition:

• The theater opened in 1914 as a home for burlesque shows before it was shut down in the 1930s. When it reopened in 1934, ownership looked for ways to cater to Harlem’s burgeoning Black population and booked jazz musicians and created Amateur Night.
• For 90 years, Amateur Night has attracted unknowns ready to stare down a famously fickle audience and make names for themselves. Ella Fitzgerald, Lauryn Hill, and Machine Gun Kelly won over the crowd; Luther Vandross and Dave Chappelle, however, were met with a chorus of boos that did nothing to deter their rise to stardom.

It’s showtime a few doors down, too: The Apollo Theater had a major expansion this year, opening auxiliary stages at the nearby Victoria Theater. The new space will be used to develop Black talent, create educational and community programs, and increase performances.—DL