Wow, every workplace is the same. It's like, 'Big victory! We got the new Dunder Mifflin contract,' and... muscle emoji.”

— Reporter Jeffrey Goldberg, comparing America's spy masters to characters on the hit comedy series "The Office."

ALL THE WRONG SIGNALS

Trump admin officials are awkwardly scrambling to respond to the most absurd national security debacle in recent memory. Sensing their moment, Democrats pounced.

Picture an episode of The Office, in which the show’s bumbling cast gets put in charge of America’s national security, and you’ve basically got the ludicrous scandal now gripping Trump’s cabinet. Replace the secured compartmented information facility, or SCIF (where you’re supposed to discuss imminent attack plans) with Dunder Mifflin’s conference room, and Dwight’s blinking landline with the Signal messaging app… and, Oops!

To recap: Trump officials set up a whimsically insecure group chat to discuss a military strike in Yemen, and then accidentally invited a journalist to read all the secret details. This morning, two top Trump officials from the chat were unfortunately (for them) scheduled to testify in front of the Senate Intelligence Committee. Senate Democrats (believe it or not) brought the fire this time, and asked legit tough questions. Was classified info discussed? What about secret details like weapons, targets and timing? Do you guys make a habit of dishing military secrets over commercial apps?

The answers changed over the course of the hearing. Early on, Tulsi Gabbard, the Director of National Intelligence, stated unequivocally that “there was no classified material that was shared in that Signal chat group.” By the end, both Gabbard and CIA Director John Ratcliffe had backtracked to say no intelligence information that would be classified under their authority had been shared. Spot the difference? Reporter Jeffrey Goldberg reported that it had been Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth who shared the detailed attack plans, including timing, weapons packages, and even the names of human targets. Gabbard and Ratcliffe told senators to… ask Hegseth. In that subtle, D.C. kind of way, they threw Pete under the bus… and not the *party* kinda bus.

But wait… was that… Senate Democrats… demonstrating competent opposition? Could it be?

Senate Intel Vice Chair Mark Warner (D-VA) pinned Gabbard and Ratcliffe down in their most obvious contradiction. The Trump officials kept claiming that they couldn’t discuss the chat, but also that it had featured no true national secrets. “If there’s no classified information, then share it,” Warner demanded.

Later, Sen. Mark Kelly (D-AZ), a Navy vet, got both Gabbard and Ratcliffe to retreat from confident statements that no war plans had been shared. Instead, they cowered under a series of “I don’t recalls” about the specifics of strike timing, targets and weapons. Gabbard was forced to acknowledge: “I believe there was discussion around targets in general.”

More gnarly details emerged. Gabbard confirmed she was overseas during the Signal chat but refused to say whether she was using a personal or government phone. (That seems bad!) Steve Witkoff, Trump’s envoy, was reportedly in Moscow at the time, for a meeting with…wait for it…Vladmir Putin. Don’t worry, you can trust Vlad not to hack U.S. officials’ phones! (And he would definitely not share it with the Iranians, who back the Houthis, right guys?) Oh, and the Pentagon recently warned its own staffers that Russian hackers were targeting Signal, according to NPR. Security is tight as a drum around here!

Trump, renowned for his careful handling of classified information, backed National Security Advisor Mike Waltz, who reportedly invited Goldberg into the chat in the first place. Trump called Waltz “a good man,” and called Goldberg “a sleazebag.” As for using secured rooms to discuss military war plans? “Life doesn’t always let you do that,” Trump told reporters later in the day.

“This was a huge mistake, correct?” asked Sen. Jon Ossoff (D-GA). Trump’s CIA director replied: “No.”

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WHAT ELSE?

Social Security is breaking down under a deluge of firings and DOGE cuts, according to the Washington Post. Elon Musk’s DOGE has removed thousands of personnel, leading to multiple web site crashes, unanswered phone calls from elderly beneficiaries, and managers covering for desk receptionists at field offices. AARP says its calls have doubled as anxious seniors try to figure out their benefits. All brought to you by the richest man in the world and his billionaire under-president!

Meanwhile, Donald Trump’s nominee to lead the Social Security Administration faced Senate confirmation hearings Tuesday. Frank Bisignano faced a grilling from Democrats over DOGE cuts, and the fact that Musk branded the popular program a “Ponzi scheme.” “I will commit to have the right staffing to get the job done,” Bisignano said… which was ambiguous to the point of being ominous, tbh.

Trump’s Justice Department refused to disclose information about deportation flights that took Venezuelan nationals to El Salvador. Attorney General Pam Bondi and other officials claimed that disclosing the timing of the flights would “pose a reasonable danger to national security.” So, let’s get this straight. Flight timetables? Big secret! Military strikes in Yemen? Throw it on the group chat, guys, no big deal!

The leader of Turkey’s main opposition party was detained and accused of corruption, as mass protests against President Recep Tayyip Erdogan entered their sixth day. Istanbul Mayor Ekrem Imamoglu, a presidential candidate for the opposition Republican People’s Party, called the charges politically motivated. The government has arrested more than 1,100 demonstrators.

Israeli authorities released the Oscar-winning director of “No Other Land” after he was detained amidst an attack by West Bank settlers. Hamdan Ballal was held on suspicion of throwing stones and property damage, which he denied. He said he was defending his home during a raid by masked Israeli settlers on his village, Susya, in the West Bank. “No Other Land” won the Academy Award for Best Documentary.

Colorado Republicans took down the portrait that sent Donald Trump into a tantrum. Trump whined on Truth Social that the painting hanging in the state Capitol was “intentionally distorted,” while Barack Obama’s was “wonderful.” Democrats who control the legislature deferred to Republicans, who mollified their Dear Leader by removing the offending portrait. Most adults would get over an unflattering picture. Donald Trump, alas, is not most adults.

WE'RE ALL FRIENDS HERE

On the latest episode of Pollercoaster, Dan Pfeiffer and Jon Favreau breaks down new 2024 election data that shows where voters trust (and don’t trust) Democrats—and the two key strategies to shift the balance. Should Dems rebuild trust on key issues, or focus on eroding Trump’s credibility? Spoiler: It’s both. To access this exclusive subscriber series and more, subscribe now at crooked.com/friends!

A paralyzed man can stand again after receiving an experimental injection of stem cells. Another man in the small trial regained movement in his arms and legs, while two others showed no improvements. Tiny steps, but…go science! Improve lives!

Five traumatized lions rescued from the war in Ukraine are settling into a new life in England. Rori and lionesses Amani, Lira, Vanda and Yuna were all found near the front lines and have now arrived at a big cat sanctuary near Ashford, southeast of London. Pride month!