In England, pubs and other businesses re-opened yesterday but I seem to be running a few weeks behind the general public when it comes to the easing of the rules so I still haven’t made use of some of the new freedoms. I haven’t had a picnic with six people, for example, and so I didn’t go to the pub yesterday. But I did have a great day.

Do you remember that feeling when your parents would go out for the day, or in the best-case scenarios, would go on holiday and you would have a free house? I loved nothing more as a teenager. I would feel almost drunk on the freedom. It’s the same kind of feeling I would get when I lived with housemates and would put my key in the door after a long day at work hoping no-one would be in so I could fully relax for the evening and as I opened the door I would realise I had got my wish. Score!

Well that’s the feeling I got x100 yesterday when my parents went out for the day. I honestly felt giddy. I felt free. I felt like myself. After an important video chat with two friends, the first thing I did was put the tunes on loud in the kitchen and have myself a little mini kitchen disco. I then did some cooking (another of my favourite things to do) and waited for two of my best friends to arrive for a socially distanced lunch and hang out in the garden.

Later, long after my parents got back I had a bubble bath with candles, a mug of peppermint tea and a good book (see below for what I was reading). In my flat in London I would do this at least twice a week but I can count on my hand the number of times I’ve done it while here. It’s partly because my parents are funny about water usage and partly because I have really struggled to relax during lockdown. I mean I struggle to relax in everyday life anyway so it was no wonder that during a global pandemic I found in particularly difficult. I would get in the bath and almost immediately start to feel antsy. Normally I have a no-phone rule (although I usually put it out of reach with a podcast or music playing) but I have found myself unable to be parted from my phone over the last few months so instead I would sit in the bath mindlessly scrolling or messaging friends on Whatsapp – or even reading work emails!

I was thinking after my bath as I lay on my bed continuing to read that it’s probably no surprise that I was much more able to relax after I had had a day where I felt much more like myself again. Even though I love my parents and living with them hasn’t been that bad, it’s not possible to do exactly what you want with your weekend when you live with other people. Plus we haven’t had the normal freedom we usually can enjoy because until recently everything has been closed and we have been told to stay home.

I miss having whole weekends to fill with plans or no plans. I was mulling on this when my friend Tiffany Philippou shared a picture on her Instagram account (see picture below). Oh how I love this description of weekends when you are single! (By the way, it’s from Adelle Waldman's book The Love Affairs of Nathaniel P, which I haven’t read but now want to.) “Wide-open vistas that extend in every direction” is perfect.

I had a tiny taste of it this weekend and just can’t wait to get my own place to have that feeling again. There is no greater feeling than feeling free as a bird and I think this line just sums up how I feel about being single to how I feel about the idea of a relationship. Obviously I know there are relationships where you can still feel free and not hemmed in but I fundamentally believe you’ll still never feel as free as you do when you’re single (and actually happy with your relationship status).

Anyway this is a long-winded way of saying that I’m so glad to be feeling like me again. I know I will feel even better when I have my own place again and have all my belongings in one place and can come and go as I please without answering to anyone. On that note, thank you so much to all those who emailed or messaged me with hopeful stories of getting onto the property ladder as a single person. I’ve spent the last few weeks visiting houses, calling estate agents and mortgage brokers and oscillating between thinking about renting and thinking about buying. For various reasons, I have decided to rent for now and have found the perfect place that I desperately want so please cross your fingers, think happy thoughts, pray or send positive vibes that the landlord says yes to my application this week.

By the way, the beautiful illustration above is by my friend James Clayton, who kindly allowed me to use it in today’s newsletter. After asking him, I found out he is actually a subscriber, which was lovely to hear. Do check out his Instagram page!

Have a lovely week

Nicola

Twitter: @TheSingleSupp | Instagram: @TheSingleSupplement

The big Single Supplement survey

HUGE thanks to everyone who filled out the survey. I haven’t had time to look through and analyse everything yet but I was pleasantly surprised by some of the results when I had a quick look this week. I was also blown away and really touched by some of the comments. You’re all so lovely. Thank you so much. It means an awful lot to me. Without further ado, it’s time to announce the winners of the fab prizes I acquired!

• The winner of the Essential Oil Candle Making Kit worth £32 from Somewhere of London is Jessica from Harpenden.

• The winner of a month’s trial of Onloan, a fashion rental subscription service worth £69 is J'Nae from London.

• The winners of the three year-long subscriptions to the paid version of The Single Supplement are Maxine from High Wycombe, Gaynor from Dursley and Davina, Toronto, Canada.

Congrats to the winners! I was honestly so excited when I did the prize draw (I used the website Random to generate the winners by the way) and if I am honest a bit jealous of Jessica and J’Nae! I would love both those prizes for myself! Anyway, I will be in touch with you later today to sort out you all getting your prizes so look out for an email!

What caught my attention

‘I was wailing over the fence’: what single parents learned from lockdown

This is a brilliant feature by Hannah Booth, who is a single mother by choice. Although it’s about the realities of lockdown as a single parent, this paragraph made me feel quite emosh as it’s how I feel when I’m on my bike so I’m sharing this but do go and have a read of the article as well! “One day, I suggested we take her bike to the park. She had shown no interest, but I was determined she should learn to ride. After an afternoon or two of sulks and frustration, she nailed it. It had simply required the momentum of a few consecutive days’ trying, which our previous lifestyle hadn’t allowed. As she freewheeled round an empty car park she shouted: “I feel so free!” I hadn’t felt so happy in weeks.”

7 Perfect Movies For A Single Girl Summer

I love this upbeat article by the lovely Shani Silver. I also haven’t watched many of the films on her list so now I have a great list of films to watch. I also loved this paragraph: “The list is not exhaustive, or profound, but it is mine, and it’s made with love for single women who can’t sit on patios with all their friends this summer. Let your mind escape, and let your worries get lost momentarily in fiction. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to channel my inner Diane Keaton by putting ice in my wine, and then I’m going to watch a movie.”

Love beyond sex, money and property: a case for friendship

This is a really interesting article about friendship groups by Lara Feigel although to be honest, it made me feel a bit sad. Here’s the opening paragraph: “What claims do friendships retain, as family life takes over? How much do we live in our friends’ shadows, comparing our relationships, jobs and versions of motherhood? These were questions I asked myself, getting divorced in my late 30s just before having my second child. I was used to turning to my husband for practical help; seeking help from friends feels awkwardly regressive when you’re not used to it, and burdensome when they’re caught up in childrearing. As I emerged out of the turbulence of my 30s, I asked myself what remained of earlier friendships, and chided myself for allowing so many to take on sparse outlines, structured by occasional catch-ups rather than continuing shared experience.”

The lowdown

• Although it’s not about being single, I wrote an article for Positive News about women and personal finance and how there is a trend for women to talk much more about money and how this is a good thing for our financial freedom. It’s not online yet, but you can buy a copy of the magazine here.

• For those of you that missed the interview I did with Tahmina Begum on Instagram, do go back and give it a watch on IGTV. It was a great chat. I have also been meaning to recommend her newsletter for months now. It’s a really lovely read mainly aimed at portraying Muslim women in a more positive light but it’s open to all to subscribe and I honestly love it. Subscribe here.

• I was mentioned by Francesca Specter in this lovely blog about the joys of being single, which you should definitely read, especially if you are newly single! I also love the idea of being included in a list of single positive resources alongside some truly bad-ass recommendations!

The boob club book club

Who is reading Jog On by Bella Mackie? I have only just started reading it again and so far have really related to how she felt having her heartbroken. It really reminds me of my worst ever break up, which I might tell you all about one day. I’m going to set the date for a chat about the book for 1st August!

About me

For those who don’t know, I’m Nicola Slawson, a freelance journalist who lives in Shropshire, UK. If you would like to support what I do, please consider subscribing to be a paid supporter of The Single Supplement. You can also buy me a coffee on Ko-Fi if you would prefer to support me in a more ad-hoc way. Don’t forget to follow me on Instagram and Twitter. 

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