A Rogue Dream

^{after Olivia Gatwood}

I get ready for my first day as the new girl in high school
already knowing what not to wear. I dress perfectly
to stand out and disappear. I know how to put on
makeup, and I do it exactly right. My hair
looks awesome, of course! I step onto the bus,
pause by the driver, raise my arms like a superstar,
and meet the eyes of my adoring audience.
Three different beautiful girls punch
each other in the face to have me sit next to them.
I decline and the school’s most lovely, artsy boy
slides over to make room. He knows his feelings
and only goes too far
when he honestly misunderstands. He’s one of the safer ones.

I walk down the halls and no one makes fun of me.
I pass the section of lockers where her locker is, and
she is there, taking a book out of her backpack.
She’ll go running this weekend, as usual, and won’t
be followed. The man who won’t be following
her has already followed half a dozen women
to rape and kill and leave in the woods. But she won’t be
followed. She’ll survive her fate this time, and come back

to school on Monday, avoid the mean girls in the bathroom.
She’ll pick on the new girl, call her a virgin of all things.
She’ll limp her way through math, cheat a bit in science,
do pretty good in history and English. She’ll graduate,
and go to the state school on a track scholarship. She’ll
have two girls and keep them safe. She’ll almost forget

about this other ending: her in the woods near her house,
staring at the ground beneath her, wondering why.

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“The poem ‘A Rogue Dream’ came from a prompt based on the poem ‘I’m always trying to make my poems timeless’ by Olivia Gatwood, in which she uses a playful voice and includes the phrase ‘rogue dream.’ I have been writing poems for my new book—a hybrid memoir that includes material about the fact that when I was a teenager in Vermont, nine local girls and women were killed by a serial killer and I knew two of the victims. I loved the idea of writing a poem that ‘went rogue’ on its content—reimagining my rough freshman year in high school, and creating a different ending for another girl, if only in a poem.”
—Melanie Figg