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I love Christmas trees. Love them. I’m like Kevin McCallister in Home Alone 2, whose mum knows she will find him in front of the Christmas tree at the Rockefeller Center when he is lost in New York (“What is it with you and Christmas trees?” she asks him earlier in the film) It’s partly because I’m like a magpie about anything shiny or sparkly. It’s partly because I absolutely adore Christmas and so, of course, Christmas trees evoke happy memories and it’s partly because I enjoy the creativity that comes along with decorating them. I just find them magical. I love seeing pictures of how other people decorate theirs and I love peering into people’s living room windows to catch glimpses of them. I love to visit big ones put up by local authorities or shopping centres. I love looking at baubles and other decorations in shops. I just love Christmas trees.
Thanks to a combination of living abroad and living in shared accommodation, it wasn’t until three years ago that I got a Christmas tree of my own. It was a little one that I carried from a pub beer garden that had been transformed into a Christmas tree shop around 10 minutes walk uphill from mine. Even though my tree was small, it was still a struggle to get it home given I had no car and no help. I had also bought a metal stand and bucket and was trying to juggle all there awkward shaped objects. I knew I couldn’t have managed to carry a bigger one and my studio flat also didn’t have much space but still, it was a real tree of my own. I decorated it with pride with a mixture of home-made items, things I had found in charity shops and a couple of shop-bought baubles. I repeated the same thing the following year only this time it had snowed so the journey back was even more of a struggle although at least this time I only had the tree to carry.
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Last year, though, I didn’t bother. I was working on a big crowdfunding campaign, which was stressful and meant I was often out at events or working late. I had also been ill with three back to back chest infections and was suffering from fatigue (my GP said I was recovering from a nasty virus) and just could not face struggling home with a tree. It stupidly didn’t occur to me to ask anyone for help and so my flat was a bit miserable in the lead up to Christmas but didn’t matter so much as I was going home to Shrewsbury fairly early and could enjoy my mum’s tree. This year though, it was finally time for me to have a proper big tree of my own. In August when I moved in, it was one of the first things all members of my family and several of my friends said when they saw the bay window in the living room - “A Christmas tree is going to look great there.”
On Thursday afternoon after weeks of talking about it with my mum, we went to a Christmas tree farm to choose our trees. I normally don’t decorate until the middle of the month but it’s 2020 so I decided to go for it earlier. Would I get a small tree given I live alone and don’t have children, I hear you ask? Would I bollocks! I headed straight for the six-footers and knew immediately the one I wanted. It was The One. My mum had the same gut feeling about the tree she got even though my Dad tried to talk her out of it. It’s too big, he said and suggested the one next to it which happened to be the one I wanted. Luckily mum got her own way so I could have the one I wanted.
If the Christmas adverts on TV are anything to go by, only young happy families seem to celebrate Christmas, and, of course, most Christmas activities are focused on those with children to entertain. But I fundamentally believe you don’t have to be a kid to enjoy the magic of Christmas. My mum, who celebrated her 60th birthday, still gets giddy about Christmas as is probably obvious. From the first of the month onwards, she exclusively plays Christmas songs in her car. For months now she has been talking about potential presents and whether my sister would be able to make it back home given the coronavirus restrictions. She lives for Christmas and so do I.
I know many people who celebrate Christmas find it difficult when they are single because so often it’s when you end up faced with a distant relative you don’t hear from the rest of the year asking awkward questions about your relationship status and as mentioned above everything seems tailored to couples and families. This year has even more potential for making us feel lonely given it’s going to be difficult to socialise and see friends and go to parties etc. But I don’t think that’s a reason to write off Christmas completely. I have seen tweets from people who intend to pretend Christmas isn’t happening just because they can’t do what they usually would do. Each to their own but I think that’s a shame. Just because you can’t have huge get-togethers doesn’t mean you can’t make the day special. And just because you’re single doesn’t mean you can’t make rituals and traditions of your own.
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Yesterday my mum came over and helped me decorate the Christmas tree while watching White Christmas (our fave festive film!). It used to be the tradition that we would watch it and decorate the family tree when I was living at home and I was always sad when I got older and couldn’t be there when the tree would go up so it’s so nice that we are continuing the tradition with my tree. I loved showing off my new decorations and choosing where they would go. I loved how often we stood back to see how it looked and how we collapsed onto the sofa afterwards to enjoy the end of the film. In the evening I did another of my other my little traditions but this is one I do alone. I made myself some mulled wine, put Elf on and did some Christmas crafting (making decorations for my tree actually). I always have a few nights like this in the run-up to Christmas, sometimes making presents for loved ones or sometimes making decorations and last night was particularly special. I kept looking over at my beautiful tree and smiling. I was on my own but perfectly content and feeling really festive.
Even after my dad helped me get it set up the other but before decorating it, I stood back and my voice cracked with emotion as I exclaimed how beautiful it was. I’ve been feeling homesick for London lately and it’s been hard to move somewhere and not be able to join things like book clubs and classes so I can make friends and make a proper life here thanks to this bloody virus. But honestly having space for a big Christmas tree is one little thing that makes the move worthwhile – and with the vaccine on the way, it won’t be long before I can do all the things I would normally do when I move somewhere (even if my hometown isn’t exactly new, I still have to make new roots here).
Do you have rituals or traditions that you do on your own at this time of the year (or during special times of the year for you if you don’t celebrate Christmas?) I would love to hear them. Anyway, here’s one of my favourite Christmas songs to help get you in the mood if you aren’t already. Cheesy but great.
Have a good week,
Nicola
Twitter: @Nicola_Slawson | Instagram: @Nicola_Slawson
What caught my attention
Consider This: Celebrating Holiday Traditions As a Single Woman
This is a nice follow up from what I have written above. I really relate to what she writes and love reading about the little traditions she does each festive season. This is a great idea, as well, if you are feeling a bit low this season: “Amongst all of these small rituals that bring joy, I’ve found the greatest antidote to the single blues is to shift my focus to others: finding ways to bring joy and beauty into their lives, through sharing the traditions I hold so dear, in the time of year I treasure the most. Rather than lament who I’m not sharing my holiday traditions with (applications for tall, dark, and handsome single men are still being accepted), I try to shift the focus to whom I can share them with. If I am feeling this way, how many others must be experiencing a lack of something during this season as well?”
Now Is The Time To Stop Tracking Your Life 'Progress' By Age
This is an article which really resonates with me and I think it will be with a lot of you too. One of the interviewees says: “Having lost my job due to the pandemic, I’m in the same boat as first-time graduates, applying for positions beneath my level and which I might be considered ‘too old’ for – yet the longer I’m out of work, the older I’m getting. I’m also single, and was happily so, but with my job loss forcing a return home, I’m living in my childhood bedroom, which has amplified my ageing-anxiety.” There are also some great bits of advice from experts about how to let go of these kinds of milestones attached to age.
Dating, sex and the single woman in the age of lockdown
I have only just come across this article which explores what it has like being a single woman during the pandemic. I really related to the first one: “Even considering the loneliness, accidental celibacy and fertility cliff, I still deleted all the dating apps from my phone at the beginning of this second lockdown (following another sparkless first date just before the pubs closed). Given the right to a support bubble this time around, I didn’t choose intimacy with a compromise-boyfriend – I chose my best mate, her husband and their newborn baby. No romantic prospects for the foreseeable – by the time sex is an option again, I might have forgotten how.”
The lowdown
I wrote this about the charities helping get presents to children and young people who wouldn’t otherwise get one this year. There is a huge demand because so many people have plunged into poverty this year thanks to the pandemic. The article is aimed at British people but I know there will similar initiatives in every country. I am going to donate to the Book Trust, as I’m a huge book lover and Kids Out for survivors of domestic abuse. I hope you will consider choosing a charity and buying a child a present too.
I am putting together a Christmas gift guide for single people. What do you think should be on the list? What would make your life easier/better? What do you intend to buy yourself this Christmas? (I fully believe we should buy ourselves treats!). What do you wish your friend/relative knew you wanted? What should everyone who lives alone own? Obviously, lots of these things will be universally liked whatever your relationship status but that doesn't matter! I just want to put a nice gift guide together. Message me or add to this thread on the Facebook group.
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About me
For those who don’t know, I’m Nicola Slawson, a freelance journalist who lives in Shropshire, UK. If you would like to support what I do, please consider subscribing to be a paid supporter of The Single Supplement. If you would prefer to make a one-off contribution, you can also buy me a coffee, here’s the link to my Ko-Fi page. Follow me on Instagram and Twitter.
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