Happy Valentine’s Day everyone or Galentine’s or even Palentine’s if you prefer. I know lots of people hate this day while others embrace it. Personally I have no strong feelings either way – and I’ve felt like that for a long time and even in relationships. I’ve had some lovely Valentine’s Days when coupled up and when single. But two that really stick out in my mind are ones that involve spending quality time with amazing friends.

Ten years ago today, I was living in South Korea and it snowed heavily. A group of us were told we didn’t have to work and given how little annual leave we got (we only got 10 days in total for a whole year!), it was thrilling. I was honestly giddy to have a snow day. I felt like a kid. We then built snow men and had snow fights and then found a cosy spot to warm up and refuel. Then later on we went out and got nice and merry. It was The Greatest Day especially as I spent approximately 80% of the day laughing my head off. Last year was also a really good one. I spent the evening with one of my best friends. I bought fancy wine and he cooked a feast and then afterwards we had a kitchen disco to some absolute bangers while he made really strong cocktails. Oh how I would love to do that again this year.

Sadly thanks to the pandemic, it’s not possible to hang out with friends today (at least not here in the UK) but I have decided to celebrate friendship in this newsletter. It’s partly inspired by the fact this week I have binge-watched Firefly Lane on Netflix. It may be “fluffy” television but I absolutely loved following the friendship of Tully Hart and Kate Mularkey over several decades plus it’s worth it for the soundtrack and the 70s and 80s fashion. It is far from a perfect friendship but that’s why it’s so good to follow. It’s also just so nice to see a story where the romantic plot lines are very much secondary to the real love story, which is their friendship. This reminds me of something I saw on Instagram the other day.

bbcwomanshour

A post shared by BBC Woman's Hour (@bbcwomanshour)

I’ve said it before and I will say it again but nothing annoys me more than how society prioritises romantic love more than any other kind of love. I will always shout about how important friendship is whether I suddenly find someone and get married tomorrow or whether I stay single for the rest of my life. Friendship love deserves to be celebrated today just as much as the love between partners in my humble opinion!

Anyway I was going to do a roundup of the best on screen and in book friendships but I have too much to say about my two faves; Meredith Grey and Christina Yang. By the way, I have decided I am not going to apologise for writing about my Grey’s Anatomy love so much. This is thanks to some emails I got from readers who basically told me I should just own it. So thanks for the permission, guys! If you have never seen it, hopefully you will still enjoy today’s newsletter because it’s all about friendship.

Everything I’ve learned about friendship from Meredith and Christina

Bonding over mutual disdain is a legitimate way to start a friendship

Meredith and Christina meet on the first day of their new jobs as surgical interns at Seattle Grace Hospital. They don’t make friends through small talk or talking about their hopes and dreams. They make friends thanks to their mutual ambition and disdain for anything mushy or too enthusiastic or peppy. I love those friends who you meet and bond over bitching about something going wrong or someone being annoying. For the rest of time, you know you’ll be able to just give them one look and they will know exactly what is on your mind without you having to speak a single word.

It’s good to have a friend you can be your most dark and twisty self with

The best kind of friends allow you to say or do the very worst thing and will never judge you. I love that I have these friends in my life and I love when they come to me and share their most terrible thoughts and know without having to explain or apologise that I won’t think any worse of them or be shocked. I love being that friend for them as much as I love them being that friend for me. They are truly are the ones ones who you know would help you hide the body if such a scenario ever came about, which I’m sure it won’t!

If in doubt, dance it out

Early on in Grey’s, Meredith and Christina have a dance party as a way to cheer themselves up. They do this when they are sober as much as when they are drunk. I love dancing with my best friends and I also love doing this for myself. Sometimes I do it when I’m on deadline for an article and am struggling. I’ll get up and put a song on and have myself a 30 second dance party (or longer). It’s obviously even better with friends. Friends who dance together, stay together.

Real friends tell each other when one is in the wrong

Personally I don’t want to be surrounded by yes people. Having friends who will call me out for my bullshit is important to me and it’s healthy. Meredith and Christina definitely do this with each other. They don’t mince their words. That’s real friendship!

Arguing doesn’t mean you don’t love them

Friends are always going to have arguments. With some friends you might argue all the time like sisters and with others, it will only be over the big stuff. But what I love about Meredith and Christina is that they always love each other even when they hate each other. Even when they are angry, they ultimately still want the best for each other – and I think that’s what makes someone a real friend.

Your person doesn’t have to be your lover. It can be your best friend.

For anyone who has seen Grey’s, you’ll know that Meredith and Christina call each other their person. It basically means they are each other’s soulmates. It starts in the first season when Christina has to put someone down as her significant person if something goes wrong when she goes for her abortion appointment. This carries on for the entire show (until Christina leaves but even then they know they are still each other’s person). I love it so much. Of course the show has many romantic storylines but the romance between Christina and Meredith will always be the best one.

If you are not into Grey’s, here are a few more examples of friendships in TV, books and films. It’s not a complete list (and is quite a random one!) but these are the ones that spring to mind:

• Patsy & Eddie in Absolutely Fabulous. Possibly the most legendary best friends on TV ever!

• Elliot & E.T in ET. The ultimate soulmates. I still can’t watch it without crying when they have to say goodbye.

• Thelma & Louise from the film of the same name. I watched this the other day and forgot how great it is.

• Derry Girls. My fave part is when they realise James is staying and say to him: “You’re a Derry Girl now, James.”

• Romy & Michelle from Romy & Michelle's High School Reunion. Just the best! I am going to have to rewatch it now.

• Dolly and Farley in Dolly’s memoir Everything I Know About Love. They are such amazing friends and go through so much together. It’s a beautiful real life love story.

• Eleanor and Raymond in Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine. In this book, Eleanor struggles with loneliness until Raymond becomes her new colleague at work, and she finds solace in companionship

• Friendship is one of the most important threads in Girl, Woman, Other by Bernardine Evaristo.

If you have any further suggestions, do Tweet or Instagram them out and I’ll re-share them if you tag me. Anyway here’s to friends being our greatest loves! Don’t forget to text your best mates and tell them you love them tonight!

Have a good week,

Nicola

Twitter: @Nicola_Slawson | Instagram: @Nicola_Slawson

What caught my attention

Kinky zoom orgies, lingering exes and wank addictions: inside Britain’s sexual recession

This is a great article exploring the impact of the pandemic on people’s sex lives. I love the intro: “Most of us are gagging for intimacy right now. In the words of Pooja, we’re asking for it; we’re dying for it. I miss the sharp heat that catapulted through my body when a man pressed his hand against the small of my back before he was surely going to ruin my life. I miss the pointless tension-filled chatter before succumbing to natural urges. I miss men laughing at my random musings during pillow talk as I question things like: “isn’t it strange that to fall asleep we have to pretend to sleep?” Yet here we are, living through a double-dip sexual recession.”

'We are desperate for human contact': the people breaking lockdown to have sex

This article was shared about 6 times on the Facebook group and several people sent it to me too. It’s good that like the article above people are paying attention to how lockdowns affect those who are single. Here the journalist explains how confusing the situation has been in England: “For a short time, from 3 July, it was once again legal to go to somebody’s house and do what you pleased there (except in Leicester, which was subject to a local lockdown): but only for a month, when new restrictions were introduced in the north of England. From this point until November, sex bans were switched on and off from area to area. There was a short period when only people on the Isle of Wight were allowed to have non-cohabiting or bubbled sex. The looser regulations around Christmas for tiers one and two meant you could conceivably have gone on a date, so long as it was on Christmas Day.”

'I've Always Dismissed Valentine's Day - This Year I Feel Insulted By It'

Even though I don’t feel that bad about Valentine’s Day as a single person, this really did make me laugh: “The list of things that have been cancelled in the past 12 months is long: the Olympics, Glastonbury, holidays, weddings, the Bond film, spontaneity (and planning, for that matter), exams, Christmas, casual sex (casual anything!), Armie Hammer, fun. But there is one thing has not been axed: Valentine’s Day. Well, not yet. If Boris Johnson wants to Do The Right Thing – at least according to me – tonight he would announce that Valentine’s too was up for the chop.”

The lowdown

• I got a shout out in this fab newsletter, which is called the Verve Letter. It’s all about being single and loving her bed! Check it out! My fave quote from this newsletter is this: “First, being single isn’t a character flaw that needs to be fixed.”

• Thanks so much to everyone for the emails and messages about last week’s newsletter. I’m so glad you all agree with me. Sorry if I haven’t managed to get back to everyone but thanks so much for getting in touch with your thoughts/rants.

• I actually had a really nice day today. This was the highlight:

  Nicola Slawson @Nicola_Slawson

  My best mate’s little girl brought me a “love picture” AND this creamy amazing cinnamon bun. I was just about to do a workout when they knocked on my door... so I sacked that off, made coffee and sat and ate it in my leggings. Happy Valentine’s everyone xxx

  February 14th 2021

  40 Likes

About me

For those who don’t know, I’m Nicola Slawson, a freelance journalist who lives in Shropshire, UK. If you would like to support what I do, please consider subscribing to be a paid supporter of The Single Supplement. If you would prefer to make a one-off contribution, you can also buy me a coffee, here’s the link to my Ko-Fi page. Follow me on Instagram and Twitter.

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