The other day a journalist I know, Jack Sommers, posted a plan of action on Twitter for getting through lockdown as someone who lives alone. His list includes “Run 3 times a week, the single best way to lift my mood” and “shower 1st thing, no more days in PJs”. I decided I would do my own one. Since then another former colleague has written an article about how she is approaching this period of time and looking after herself while another friend wrote a newsletter about staying sane. The Guardian have also done a good article about coping with the winter lockdown. The topic has also come up a few times on the Facebook group so I have decided to devote this newsletter to the subject as well. I had planned to talk about my new year goals but they are kind of the same to be honest.

Here in the UK, coronavirus is rampant again and the news each day is pretty bad. Most of the country is in lockdown and I know many European countries are facing similar restrictions and would hazard a guess that when the new administration comes in in the US, there could be tighter rules there as well. The vaccine is being rolled out in many areas of the globe but it’s not going to make an impact for a while, so how do we keep going? And how do we do it when we only have ourselves to rely on?

I do think mindset and mentality make a huge difference. I’m in a good place with my mental health at the moment and with my feelings about my relationship status so I’m feeling much more resilient and OK about all of this. I wouldn’t exactly say I am thinking positively but instead I am feeling very accepting of my current situation and am feeling optimistic that the end is in sight. Having said that, I just went through a period of seeing no-one for 10 days (small fry compared to those who did the first UK lockdown alone, I know) and the main things I noticed were I was bored and it was hard having nothing to look forward to. I know others are really struggling right now and I’m sending you a big hug if that’s you.

Evenings are the hardest for me, given it gets dark so early here in the UK during the winter. The evenings seem to stretch out before me whereas during the Spring lockdown, I was often out on my bike until 8 or 9pm. There is a lot more resistance/apathy to the idea of Zoom hang outs or other forms of online socialising this time, which I totally get. We’re all tired of this. Having said that, some attitudes have irked me though. I saw an angry tweet from a married woman who was sick of being told to reach out to check on how others are doing. (The tweet and the number of people agreeing below prove we truly live in an individualistic society!) Reading the tweet and the responses made me very glad my own friends are so brilliant and don’t seem to see asking how I am as a burden to them (and I obviously so the same back because everyone has reasons to be struggling). I was also touched when I bumped into my neighbours yesterday - a lovely family of four who I don’t know well (yet) - who stopped me to ask if I was doing OK and whether I needed anything. It’s kind of depressing that something so small should be seen as such a massive inconvenience. But I digress.

So back to the point - how do we keep soldiering on when we have been doing this for 10 months, are all exhausted, it’s dark and cold and people are losing the will to care about the plight of others?

1. Acceptance

   I know I have said this before but the biggest tool I have in my box of techniques for any time I’m struggling with something I can’t change is to totally accept that this is my reality. “I am living alone during a pandemic and can’t see my friends or do the things that I love doing. It is what it is,” I tell myself/write in my diary. “It’s not great. It could be better. But I can’t change it. I can only focus on making the best of it or at the very least, getting through it.” Personally I find this weirdly comforting. It’s also good to accept how you really feeling. It’s OK to feel sad. It’s OK to feel bored. It’s OK to feel strangely fine.

2. Be your own best friend (practice self-compassion)

   As Becky Barnes says in her brilliant piece: “As someone who lives alone, I have to show up for myself and be my own best friend, and during a lockdown where we can’t really see our pals, this becomes all the more pertinent.” Self-compassion is a concept that is worth looking into if you are struggling. Tara Brach has a book on the topic but here’s an article that’s a bit of a beginner guide.

3. Keeping sane (otherwise known as self-care)

   In Tiffany Philippou’s newsletter this week, she talked about how her one goal for the year was to stay sane. She discusses some great strategies she is employing to keep herself calm and keep her anxiety at bay but like she says, we all know what to do to look after ourselves, the real question is why we don’t do it? For me, the path of least resistance is staying on the sofa under a blanket watching re-runs of TV shows I’ve watched loads of times even though I know what would be better for me would be to get up and do a workout or clean my house or meditate. But I’m also not going to beat myself up.

4. Have some fun

   Easier said than done, you might think but there are definitely still ways to have fun and find joy. Call your funniest friend on the phone, commit yourself to going to online life drawing classes even if you can’t draw, have yourself a kitchen or living room disco every night, listen to a funny podcast (suggestion below!), watch funny videos of animals on YouTube, do an 80s aerobic workout or watch your favourite comedy on Netflix. Look for the joy. You will find it if you’re open to it.

5. Get outside

   It can feel like there are barely any hours of daylight and the weather is often grey and miserable but get outside anyway. Some people have even asked their bosses if they can start their jobs later or have longer lunch breaks so they can make the most of the daylight and work into the evening when it’s dark outside. I’m freelance so it’s easy for me but even if your job isn’t flexible, can you get up earlier? Or force yourself to have a twenty minute walk at lunchtime even if you are really busy. It’s a cliche but you will feel better. I have walked nearly every single day this winter and it has become such a habit that I now feel weird if I haven’t got outside even if it’s pissing it down. For more inspo, I love this article from last year about learning to love walking in the rain.

6. Flip the script

   Being on your own doesn’t have to be terrible and lonely. Sometimes changing your mindset towards it can really help. I love love LOVE this quote from the amazing Rachel Cargle.

Finally of course as I have said many times before reminding yourself that this isn’t permanent can help wonders. This too shall pass.

I hope you are all doing OK and are staying warm and safe.

Lots of love,

Nicola

Twitter: @Nicola_Slawson | Instagram: @Nicola_Slawson

What caught my attention

There Is No Shame In Feeling Lonely Right Now

Of course like Rachel suggests it is possible to relish solitude but at the same it is OK if you are struggling with loneliness too. Lots of this brilliantly written article rings true for me. Vicky Spratt writes: “There is a difference between choosing to isolate yourself from the world for a short period of time, isolating because you’re struggling, and what so many of us are experiencing now: enforced isolation. There is a difference between choosing seclusion because you want to reflect and restore yourself to factory settings, entering into it because you’re suffering and being told you don’t have a choice.”

Dying For Sex podcast

I have only just started listening to this brilliant podcast. It was recommended by Josie in the Facebook group. This was how she introduced it: “It tells the true story of Molly, a woman who once diagnosed with stage IV breast cancer decides to leave her husband to go on sexual escapades to make herself feel alive! Some of the stories are brilliant. She co-hosts it with her best friend Nikki and their friendship is just so beautiful. There aren’t that many episodes and be prepared for the last one, but it’s really, really good. Definitely makes you appreciate life, even in these shit and uncertain times.”

The secret to happiness? Get better at feeling sad

This is not about being single but I thought it was worth sharing as it could perhaps be useful for some of you: “Sadness is what we’re supposed to feel after a loss, and sorrow is the sane response when sad things happen. After a year in which all of our lives have been rocked by a global pandemic, for instance, it’s OK to feel sad. But many of us have been conditioned to be so averse to “negative emotions” that we don’t recognise them, much less acknowledge them or give ourselves permission to feel and process them. This can be isolating for those experiencing sadness and baffling for those trying to help loved ones through pain.”

About me

For those who don’t know, I’m Nicola Slawson, a freelance journalist who lives in Shropshire, UK. If you would like to support what I do, please consider subscribing to be a paid supporter of The Single Supplement. If you would prefer to make a one-off contribution, you can also buy me a coffee, here’s the link to my Ko-Fi page. Follow me on Instagram and Twitter.

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