Good morning, friends!

No matter who you are or what you do for a living, first impressions are hard. We struggle to see strangers clearly for the first time, and we often get them wrong — sometimes very wrong. We make snap judgements and craft detailed narratives from the tiniest crumb of information.

I learned this the hard way when I mistakenly thought that David, a pleasant man who sat next to me at a conference in 2018, was a big shot who worked at the NRA. I had misheard. It turned out that my seatmate was the late David Stern, former commissioner of the NBA, which is quite different from the National Rifle Association.

This happens often because we have developed tactics to judge the people we are meeting for the first time. For instance, the thing I try to gauge most upon a first meeting is whether a person is curious. Do they ask questions? Do they seem eager to learn something from the conversation? Are they genuinely interested or are they more preoccupied with talking about themselves?

Others prefer to pay attention to the context of a situation, which helps inform their opinion about what type of person they're like in other areas of life. When I profiled venture capitalist Jeff Jordan, I found out that he deciphers a person’s personality through the way they play on the basketball court. Are they selfish? Are they hotheaded?

During the games, Jeff is both a player and the referee, and he doesn’t hesitate telling people they need to dial it back a notch. He’s dubbed it the “No Asshole Rule.”

So what happens when someone violates the rule?

“It’s pretty much the same as what I would tell a founder. I pull them aside and say, ‘My perception is that we’re having this issue. In the interest of trying to make the game work, it’d be great if you could try to monitor your behavior,'" he says. "You do it individually and off the beaten path because you don’t want to embarrass them in front of everybody. The game wouldn’t be what it is if we just let that type of behavior go. It’s 'the greater good' argument.”

My world view is shaped through a curiosity filter, while Jeff uses a lens meant to weed out assholes.

Here's what I've discovered about the filters we use to size other people up: We see others through the same lens we see ourselves. If I'm meeting Jeff for the first time, I might be focused on figuring out whether he's curious, interested, and present. He, on the other hand, is probably trying to assess whether I'm a selfish jerk or not. In other words, the way you judge yourself is probably the way you judge others.

And this is where all the misjudgments begin to occur.

Because of our preconceived beliefs and biases, we have likely turned away the right candidate for a job, the complementary business partner, or the person who would've turned out to be a wonderful spouse.

As Philip Roth wrote in American Pastoral:

"You get them wrong before you meet them, while you're anticipating meeting them; you get them wrong while you're with them; and then you go home to tell somebody else about the meeting and you get them all wrong again. Since the same generally goes for them with you, the whole thing is really a dazzling illusion empty of all perception, an astonishing farce of misperception."

I've become hyper-aware about the things I notice first in people — the traits that annoy me and the traits I'm in awe of. I recently was at a dinner with someone who was incredibly off-putting to me because he was closed-minded, fixed in his world views, and most importantly, didn't ask anyone else at the table a single question. Did I think this because he was objectively repulsive or did I think this because I subconsciously recognized that I myself am sometimes not as open-minded or interested in other people's lives as I would like?

Carl Jung once said: “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” For example, if you don't measure yourself through physical attractiveness, you probably won't get irritated — or even notice — that my hair is out of place during our conversation. But if you're preoccupied with beauty within your own self, I become a prime target for your judgmental thoughts.

This tweet by Nait Jones encapsulates it perfectly:

Nait Jones ⚡️ @NaithanJones

We are drawn to certain people because we recognize the best parts of ourselves in them We are repelled from certain people because we recognize the darkest parts of ourselves in them

February 7th 2021

13 Retweets95 Likes

Strangers act as mirrors in which we can see our own imperfect reflections.

When you're triggered by another person in a visceral way, ask yourself: What is it about them that irritates me? Could it be something I dislike in myself? And are there other ways I could better gauge their personal values than this singular lens through which I have chosen to see the world?

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THE PROFILE DOSSIER: On Wednesday, premium members received The Profile Dossier, a comprehensive deep-dive on a prominent individual. It featured Magnus Carlsen, the Mozart of chess. Become a premium member, and read it here.

MARK YOUR CALENDAR: On Friday, June 11 at 12 p.m. EST, Jack Butcher, the founder of Visualize Value, will participate in an hour-long, live "Ask Me Anything" with premium readers who are part of The Profile's members-only Telegram chat. Butcher built a business that now generates more than $100,000 per month with a 99% profit margin. We'll discuss creativity, audience-building, storytelling, and more. Become a premium member, and join us on Friday.

PROFILES.

— The pied piper of SPACs [**HIGHLY RECOMMEND**]
— The superstar fund manager
— The kingpin of the SPAC mafia
— The hosts throwing $5,000 anti-racist parties
— The teen angel investors
— The drummer who got a second chance at life
— The siblings who control James Bond

PEOPLE TO KNOW.

The pied piper of SPACs: Chamath Palihapitiya has gained prominence by launching a series of special-purpose acquisition companies, or SPACs, which are among the fastest-growing financial instruments in the world. Palihapitiya promotes the SPAC as an innovation that “democratizes access to high-growth companies” while “dismantling” the “traditional capital market.” But he has sometimes acknowledged a simpler allegiance. “I want the fucking money,” he told students at Stanford’s business school, in 2017. “I will play the goddam game, and I will win.” Here's how he built a hype machine into an economic engine. (The New Yorker)

“People either love Chamath or they hate him, and that’s fantastic, because polarization gets attention."

The superstar fund manager: ARK Investments' Cathie Wood is the first star in an industry, the $6.3 trillion world of exchange-traded funds, that wasn't supposed to have any. Although Wood is conservative — both politically and economically — she's championed green investments for decades but rarely uses terms like "climate change" and "green energy." She's also surrounded herself with an unusually young and diverse team at ARK, some of whom openly disagree with her politics. Here's how she had a dramatic breakout during the pandemic. (Bloomberg)

“Cathie believes in a circle table as opposed to a rectangular table. She wants everyone around the table offering their ideas.”

The kingpin of the SPAC mafia: Billionaire philanthropist and financier Michael Milken is a whale among SPAC investors, with exposure to a portfolio of 125 separate SPACs worth no less than $500 million. Milken’s SPAC holdings come via an investment firm called Silver Rock Financial, which once was his family office. Here's why SPACs are the perfect financial product for Milken. (Forbes)

"If there’s anyone out there who’s going to be able to take advantage of free money that’s being handed out, Milken is one.”

The hosts throwing $5,000 anti-racist parties: Affluent white women pay $5,000 to attend a one-time dinner during which they face down a pair of judges who determine just how racist they are. The judges — Regina Jackson (who is Black) and Saira Rao (who is Indian American) — host Race2Dinner, an evening gathering of a group of eight white women to "smash their white fragility." The purpose fo these guilt parties is to "deconstruct whiteness as a pre-requisite for anti-racist work." (New York Magazine)

“Whiteness harms people of color, but worry about yourself. Stop worrying about us — that’s paternalistic, too.”

The teen angel investors: A growing cohort of Gen Z investors are beginning to make their mark on the startup ecosystem. Some of them are now old enough to work in VC firms or pursue careers as investors. Others are newcomers to angel investing, as new platforms and recent regulatory changes widen the aperture of who’s eligible to participate. Like-minded young people congregate on TikTok and Twitter, where talk of startups can lead to valuable connections and deal flow. Meet the next generation of investors. (WIRED)

“It’s less about getting a return on that money and more about letting that team know that I am willing to put my money behind them.”

The drummer who got a second chance at life: In September 2008, drummer and producer Travis Barker boarded a private plane with a few close friends. During takeoff, the tires flew and the plane overran the runway, skidded across a highway, hit an embankment, and burst into flames. Barker was covered in jet fuel and engulfed in flames. He suffered third-degree burns on 65 percent of his body and spent three months in the hospital, where he underwent 26 surgeries and multiple skin grafts. Here's how he has moved on from the night his life changed and gone on to reclaim his traumatized body and mind. (Men’s Health)

“People are always like, ‘Did you go to rehab?’ And I [say], ‘No, I was in a plane crash.’ That was my rehab. Lose three of your friends and almost die? That was my wake-up call."

The siblings who control James Bond: There is a powerful family duo that controls the James Bond empire. The Bond character has survived decades of Hollywood tumult and executive turnover in large part thanks to the strict control of Michael Wilson and Barbara Broccoli, the stepsiblings who in 1995 inherited the rights to produce the movies from Broccoli’s father. They decide who directs Bond movies. They decide what stories they tell. They even decide who plays him. That isn’t expected to change now that James Bond films are among the most well-known pieces of the vast MGM Holdings library that Amazon announced it is acquiring for $6.5 billion. (WSJ; reply to this email if you can't access this story)

“We are committed to continuing to make James Bond films for the world-wide theatrical audience.”

This installment of The Profile is free for everyone. If you would like to get full access to all of the recommendations, including today’s audio and video sections, sign up below.

AUDIO TO HEAR.

Polina M. Pompliano (that's me!) on lessons from the world's most successful: I did a podcast! In it, I explain in detail the tactics of several individuals I've studied. They include Kris Jenner, Frank Abagnale, Daniel Ek, and more. (Link available to premium members.)

Christina Tosi on how she built a dessert empire: In this excellent podcast episode, Christina Tosi explains how she played with nostalgia and youthfulness to create Milk Bar's brand. Although she never visualized Milk Bar's aesthetic, she knew how she wanted it to feel. "I knew I wanted to open this quirky, American-style bakery that served cookies, cakes, pies and soft serve. I wanted it to hold space in people's lives." This is a masterclass in company-building. (Link available to premium members.)

Chris Bosh on why no one likes complainers: Former basketball player Chris Bosh had a breakthrough moment when he came back from Africa and he heard himself complain about inconsequential things. He had just seen real poverty, so he began evaluating the things he thought were problems in his life. "I heard myself. I heard my language," Bosh says. "Sometimes you’ve got to listen to yourself." The way he was able to get himself out of a useless cycle of complaining is to look for solutions and take real, meaningful action. (Link available to premium members.)

VIDEOS TO SEE.

Jeff Bezos on why the brilliant is found in the mundane: In this speech from 13 years ago, Amazon founder Jeff Bezos explains his idea for the creation of Amazon Web Services (AWS). He breaks down Amazon's strategy: Rather than focusing on short-term profit, Amazon always had an eye on the longer-term gains. “If we’re not the leader 5 to 10 years from now, it’s because we didn’t execute well," he said. (Link available to premium members.)

Jack Butcher on prioritizing creativity: Jack Butcher's design-focused business, Visualize Value, generates over $100,000 per month. Butcher recently became a dad, and his time for creativity has been significantly compressed. Here's how he still makes space for original thinking and creative output. (Link available to premium members.)

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