Help! I feel too goal-oriented in my downtime 💡

As a multi-hyphenate individual, I see you and I hear you on all fronts. I’ve found the most freedom in my own projects when I’m not creating for an outcome, but just creating for creative-sake. The process is what makes this journey much sweeter. To find value in the journey, I find setting intentions really helpful.

First, identify your "why." When I’ve set goals for myself, I’m usually so focused on getting the thing done that I struggle to be fully present along the way. Finishing a project could be the main goal, but what if you reframed your goal to just be more consistent at the practice? Think about what you're already consistent with. What drives you to stay consistent with that?

Next, assess the way you're feeling. What meaning do these hobbies and projects have? These questions can guide your answer:

• How do your hobbies and projects make you feel? If you have a feeling you can focus on, this helps to preserve your well-being as you work towards completing your project.

• Are you doing them for yourself or for others? In my experience, I’ve set goals to be accountable to others and been burnt out by the time it was time to celebrate the fruits of my labor.

Lastly, be mindful of how you feel when you don't reach your goals. Does not completing something impact your self-worth? Consider that even the "end" of a project isn't final: you might always find things to you wish you'd changed. Instead, take what you've learned from creating to shape and evolve your next creation.

Wishing you ease and clarity on your journey, Santita! —Dora

1. Structure is your friend. It allows people to show up fully and know what to expect. For example, scheduling a recurring time to connect, whether it's virtual or IRL, helps establish deeper connections and leaves less room for uncertainty in the planning process. An established host for the gathering helps, too, and rotating hosting duties each time is an easy way to engage everyone in a group equally.
    
2. Channel family memories while creating new ones. Is there a nostalgic activity that carries meaning in your family? Maybe there's a special family recipe that could spark fun and friendly competition (GBBO style), or perhaps there's a game everyone participated in when they were younger that can be revived.
    
3. While group activities are great, 1:1 connection is just as important to strengthen interpersonal bonds. Perhaps you decide a monthly gathering is a nice way to reconnect altogether, but consider incorporating a 1:1 initiative too, like a pen pal pairing that rotates on occasion. That way, folks are deepening relationships in varying ways.
   —Olivia

• Azul is perfect for the people in your family who "don't like board games." It's visually beautiful, very easy to learn, and only lasts about 30 minutes per game (though people will probably be asking for another round).

• Salad Bowl is a free party game that—to Olivia's point—can touch on old family inside jokes and memories.

• The Jackbox Games are great if you have a game console. There are different games you can choose depending on everyone's preferences, and there are definitely more "adult" options (like one where you answer job interview questions—but it's fun, we promise—or one where you try to make the others laugh).

• If games aren't your family's thing, maybe preserving memories is the activity. You might be interested in going through old family photos to make a scrapbook, or compiling everyone's favorite recipes into a cookbook, for example.

• Do a Powerpoint night on Zoom where every family member gives a presentation on a totally random topic they're passionate about. You'll learn lots about each other!

• Watch an old family favorite film through Teleparty.

• Make your own Jeopardy game to play on Zoom, personalized to the categories your family members would know best (make sure everyone's got at least one category they're an expert on!).