Help! I want to be creative in my downtime 💡

First of all — congratulations on having a newborn. I think back on that harried, exhausting, truly singular time, and it doesn’t surprise me one bit that you want to consume during your spare moments. After all, as new mothers, we are often the ones being (literally) consumed; and I guess it doesn’t really stop, exactly, only shifts into a lesser level of intensity as the years go by—in my case, at least. So above all: you should know that you are doing a wonderful job. You likely do know that, but it bears repeating. 

As parents, we’re conditioned to think that we are not ourselves anymore if we’re no longer doing the things we used to, as if our activities define us more than our hearts. Then, when we watch those shows and scroll through our social media, we see tons of people (moms, some of them) just doing everything under the sun … and, well. It makes me tired and a little frustrated writing about it!

What I will say, honestly and truly, is that your creative impulse will come back. But it may look different. Rather than a slow, unfurling expanse of time for you to settle into The Zone, you may now get flashes of creativity—a stray thought in the shower, an image that sears into your brain while watching your baby. I didn’t write very much for almost a decade after earning my MFA—and then, after the first few months, the first year of motherhood, I found myself reclaiming a new kind of creativity. (I still don’t work out, but I’m very impressed that it’s on your to-do list!) What I mean is that nothing is lost.  

So here’s what I suggest for the here and now.

1. Ease the pressure off yourself. When you have those precious free moments, maybe you ARE watching a show or taking a nap. Those activities are generative too, but you have to look at it as a long game. You are building up your reserves for the days when that creativity will tap you on the shoulder again. All this rest is just making you ready.
    
2. Step into a new environment. Maybe that work-out for the moment is a walk around the block with that neighbor that also loves HOA gossip (I have one and she is gold). Or if you’re baking a pie, invite someone over to help roll out the dough. Keeping things loose and casual with a buddy is the trick to turning an item on the to-do list into something that feels genuinely fun. And, just being around others can be refreshing: something about being among people who aren't asking me to fix the upteenth snack of the day makes me feel creatively charged and full of possibility again.
    
3. Find an unclaimed nook of time. At the end of the day, you’re likely exhausted, and in the morning, there’s a scramble to get out the door for work. But is there a time of your day that is unclaimed? A lunch hour where you can pull out the journal and sit in the sun? An hour on a Sunday morning where a partner or friend can watch the baby while you attend your favorite dance class? Get it on your calendar and hold that time for yourself, like a standing meeting. And if you just scroll TikTok during that time, you’ve still done your job by prioritizing yourself.

If it’s helpful, here are a few other work-related tricks I’ve used to reclaim my personal time. Preethi, I can’t stress this enough: this is an anomaly, these early months and years of raising young children. Everyone around you will become slightly more independent (though my daughter did just shove an eraser up her nose while I was in the bathroom, so who am I to talk?), and the sliver of time you have now will open up. 

Warmly,
Thao