Can't decide? A strange but effective way to think about decisions

By Jordan Brown - Mental Health Newsletter Writer, Poet, Social Worker, and Advocate • Issue #405 • View online

One of the most frustrating aspects of anxiety is that it can be hard to make decisions.

When I’m at my most anxious, decisions become almost impossible.

I feel like the weight of the world is on my shoulders, and then I feel that there are extra weights on top of the world…that is on my shoulders.

But I learned something surprisingly useful over the years, and it has greatly reduced the weight I feel when making decisions.

It comes down to the difference between decisions and choices.

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I read this book about anxiety years ago when I was in the hospital for depression and major anxiety / OCD.

It really helped me out.

Now on to today’s featured programming.

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Decision? Or Choice? When You Can't Make a Decision...

A lot of the time when I’m stuck trying to decide something, I’m actually making a choice.

I don’t actually need to make a big decision at all.

What do I mean by this?

There are going to be times in your life when you need to make a decision.

What do I want to pursue for a job?

Do I want to go on a second date with this person?

Should I buy this car or that one?

These are decisions, and depending on who you are, they can be fairly big ones.

There are potentially negative consequences for anything that you choose with a decision like these.

And making a decision leads to getting a lot of data in response–data you can use to then, hopefully, make better decisions in the future.

But, the more I thought about the anxiety I’ve had in my life, the more I’ve realized that it’s not about decision-making that I typically feel so bad.

It’s about choice-making.

By choice-making, I mean the loads and loads of mundane things that happen to us every single day.

Should I watch this or that?

Should I read this next or do this instead?

Do I answer the phone when my friend calls out of the blue or do I let it go?

These are common situations that have caused me tremendous anxiety.

Why??

For one, they catch me off guard a bit.

I haven’t had the time to fully prepare for them. No clear process went into deciding what to do.

You see, with big decisions, it’s usually not the case that we don’t know what to do. Usually, the right way to go with a big decision is pretty darn obvious.

No, it’s the little choices every day that gnaw at you like tiny bugs that just won’t leave you alone.

Do I want to cook something, or should I order out?

Do I have time to send these emails?

Should I send these emails?

A multitude of questions fills up my mind each day.

And it is this multitude that most causes me anxiety.

So what is a person to do about this?

What does it even matter if you recognize that you’re struggling with little choices and not big decisions?

Actually, it matters quite a bit.

When You Can't Decide, Try This

Corn? Or...corn? Darn it!

When you’re dealing with decision anxiety, first, you need to determine if you are making a big decision or a small choice.

Here are some questions to ask yourself:

What is the long-term impact of this? Is it big or small?

Will it impact me for years or moments?

Is there a clear process I can follow to make a decision or is this one of those little things where any old choice is probably fine?

If it’s a big decision, there are actually tons of resources you could use to help you with that process–and you could probably do a Google search to find them. You probably know of many decision-making tools already.

But if it’s a minor choice, then you need to do something else.

It’s the minor choices we don’t talk about enough.

One of the biggest things I’ve learned about choices is that they–wait for it–don’t really matter that much.

Before you go all Mount Vesuvius on me with fumes of anger, hear me out.

It probably doesn’t matter if I send an email or read a book.

It probably is not a big deal if I answer the phone or don’t.

What matters is that I commit to just one thing–and do it.

The Pomodoro technique has worked wonders for me–I set a timer for 25 minutes and just commit to one thing.

Nothing eases anxiety like action.

For little choices, action is better than rumination.

When I get stuck thinking for minutes on end, I’m usually stuck in a loop that action could break me out of.

Of course, you can find exceptions for anything. Twitter users remind me of this daily when I tweet literally anything at all.

But the decision vs. choice framework has been so helpful for me when indecision is causing me anxiety.

When I can’t decide, I first think about what I’m deciding on.

And more often than not, I realize that what I’m worrying about really doesn’t matter all that much.

I realize that I take myself more seriously than I need to.

Now, I know that your life is important.

The time we have here is all that we have, and we need to make the most of it.

But the next time you are feeling stuck in your thought process, I encourage you to think about thinking.

Then I encourage you to take action.

I think what you’ll find is that the mere process of taking a simple action is often enough to get you out of your indecision.

Don’t beat yourself up when you feel you can’t make a decision.

Just realize that you always have options for how you respond.

——-

I, in no way, want to minimize the big decisions you need to make in life. I just hope you think about the nature of decision-making a little differently going forward. So much of anxiety comes from flawed thinking patterns–and the lack of taking action.

Thanks for reading. Thanks for being here.

See you next week,

Jordan

P.S. Here’s a side project I’m helping out with. The design is in the early stages, but I think there’s so much potential here if you’ve ever had to search for intensive mental health treatment, whether in your own state or others. Check out Treatment Scout and let me know what you think. Would you use this? Would you find it helpful to be able to locate mental health facilities in one place?

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By Jordan Brown - Mental Health Newsletter Writer, Poet, Social Worker, and Advocate

Authentic, actionable mental health. Improve how you feel. The Mental Health Update Mental Health Newsletter provides you with authentic mental health articles that make mental health issues like depression, anxiety, and OCD meaningful AND accessible.

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Can't decide? A strange but effective way to think about decisions

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