Hello! I hope you are doing well and in the pink of your health. This writeup would be somewhat different as I try to inculcate a bit of humour in it and experiment with my style and so is the case with Raj. Would love to hear your feedback about the same so please reply to us in the same mail.

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Here we go -

I sip water from my bottle while watching TV at home. “Ting Tong” The bell rings. I think it would be the flower vendor who would drop the flowers outside and run away faster than flash. The bell rings again. I have to go and open the door. Sometimes, I feel doorbells are no good for humankind and we should make noises from the mouth to indicate that we have come. But oh, I am not writing about doorbells right now so let us not procrastinate.

I open the door and my friend comes in. Let us name him X. X comes and asks me how I am doing and how life is and all those conversation starters that humankind uses to show that they care and they are painted in the colour of politeness and niceties. After the formal drama is over, he starts talking about people. He tells me that Y married Z but it was so obvious that Y was going to marry A as they were together during school time. I nod and am surprised to know that Y and A were ever a thing. Then I contribute to know more about their wedding. When is it? Where is it? All these things to ensure that if I have the slightest chance of gatecrashing the wedding, I can plan it out. But I continue cautiously, not betraying my real emotions.

Here is a podcast version on the same topic-

Water Bottles and Gossips By Blabber Dabbers Podcast episode

Then the conversation shifts to another talk about K receiving a promotion in the office while it was G who deserved it. I ponder if I know who K is or who G is. I try to dig into some common element that makes me interested in the conversation a little more than knowing the culture of the company so that I can help someone to not join it in the future and save them from misery. But na, nothing could keep up the interest alive in me. I had to use the water bottle near me to drink water. As I drank water, X continued his session about the world. I wore the mask of politeness as my mind wandered about the meticulous design of the bottle. It was a Tupperware bottle. The one that mothers love and would send a few flying chappals without hesitation if the beloved Tupperware is lost. It is fine if a tooth is lost, it can grow again. But boy, if you ever lose a Tupperware item, you are in trouble. Massive trouble.

I stare at it and ponder why it is so expensive. Then a random bottle of plastic catches my sight. It is that in which mineral water is sold. (I could name the company but what would that do? It would neither fetch my sponsorship money nor would it help you any better. Let's just say it rhymes with Fin-ley so that your mind does not think of another company whose name rhymes with raspberry. ) The structure of the bottle is ergonomic. It is very comfortable to hold and you feel a certain grip while holding it. But it feels plasticky and the fear of it being broken haunts me. I suddenly remember the nostalgic school days when water bottles were hung around the neck. Now that I think about it, I think the bottles were hung so the teachers could easily recognize us from far away. We can lose our tags and id cards, but Tupperware? Oh no no no! The devil may cry but Tupperware is the OG Bhai!

Maybe that is why Tupperware is expensive. It carved its own niche and kicked out the steel or the plastic ones. The sturdy bottles became a staple in every financially decent household. But then, what happened to Cello? Nothing to be honest. It just became diverse and tried to spread its wings in every direction that it had to give up a few flights. It made everything from pens to kitchenware to bottles to tiffins. Now it is limited to plasticware, tiffins, and kitchenware. Cello pens is taken over by an international conglomerate called BIC.

But the beauty of water bottles is their variety of designs. You can fit it in your pocket with the mini 200ml version or you can cross countries with a 25 or 50 L jug. It is available in many sizes. The more you spend on it, the more it offers! You can also have some additional features in the water bottles such as infusers that help you to add mint or anything you would like to the water to make it more exciting.

A jolt and I am shaken by Mr X. It is not a good idea to daydream in front of a friend. In a class or a lecture? Maybe, maybe not! Who am I to say? And we resume gossiping. I had been a semi attentive listener and could catch him saying something about Miss P so I told him something I heard about her. That was enough to get me more gossip about Miss P. As the news poured in, I actually pondered what exactly does Gossip mean and whether my meaning of Gossip as unnecessary and useless talks about others matches with that of the official dictionaries. Let me tell you, you can take everything in the world for granted but the official dictionary meanings. People can misuse words like hell and use butter instead of better will you while never know that you just came across an error. Maybe its there mistake that they should have written your instead of you’re but okay, all’s well that mends well!

So the official meaning of Gossip by our beloved Cambridge dictionary is -

“to talk about other people's private lives”

This is the shortest one and the others are more or less on the same lines. So what makes Gossip interesting to us? Maybe it is the curiosity in us to discover other people's lives. Maybe we all are sadists that want to be happy when we know that someone is going through a bad time. Maybe we want hope in the form of their happenings. I do not know. Sometimes, it is done out of pure boredom and let me tell you, it is highly entertaining to gossip. Yep. The other day I was talking about how Ranbir and Alia are already married in a private function and about how Jeff Bezos divorced his wife for publicity.

As my friend continues to share some news about some random person on earth. I feel a random urge. An urge to leave everything behind and run from that place.an urge of restlessness and impatience. Maybe I should never have done it. Maybe I should have resisted my temptations and paid attention to myself. But what can be done to the restless mind? And then I stand up and tell him to stop.

I stop him and I rush to the washroom as I have completed my water bottle. I so wanted to know more about the random person. The random person that sold stocks just a day before they doubled but alas, my fascination with drinking water keeps me away from gossip and closer to the washrooms.

Okay bye, gotta attend nature's call!

Here are the customary takes

Raj’s Version

Thick smoke curled around the tower, like the toothpaste they show in ads which 9 out of 10 dentists recommend. Wonder what the 10th one does? If he ever feels lonely, like the giant Tower of Grossip which lay aloof in the city. Not because it was away, somehow people of Dandyland never seemed to notice it, this could be because only women seemed to visit it.  They were not even citizens, afterall how could anyone better than men be allowed any respectable status in a city dominated by men? That would have been ludicrous, and quite shameful for the pompously idle male population of the city. Women sometimes went alone, sometimes had company, and would carefully whisper quite carelessly even at the top of the tower. Men despised it, staying clear of it all the time, unless of course it was nighttime. The tower when seen from afar looks like a water bottle, not only because it lacked any taste in design and architecture, but also because the tower always seemed empty, no matter how many whispers the people of the city poured into it; I swear I filled my water in every recess at school, but mysterious souls of my friends always seemed to have their fill only from my bottle, gladly leaving a drop or two for me. Though the tower itself was gay, leaning on one side or other on any given day, there were no queer people ever visiting, because they did not exist, the city of Dandyland was quite particular about it. So then quite understandably a responsible citizen genuinely filed a complaint in court which sought to ban the Tower of Grossip as it never stood straight. 

Funny things began happening in the city after the complaint was filed. Young but absolutely boring looking men with dull eyes and furious foreheads resided on the bench, wisdom was not something you would associate with them, ‘idle’ would be a more ideal word. Their nose would flare up at any mention of winding, be it then a human or a tower, just last week even a cow was sentenced to 5 years of hard milking when it started swinging it’s tail in quite a spiral fashion which was sodomously having a bad impression on young calves who were tamed to swing their tails as straight as a queer arrow. 

And then out of nowhere some women got furious, they had had it they felt, how could their sacred cow be punished! It should also be mentioned at this point how a few were furious even at the idea of the tower being banned, but that was only a trivial matter. In their listless lives they hardly got any chance to speak, nobody listened to them, neither the men nor the cows, so the Tower of Grossip was their sort of refuge. Any intelligent reader who might be reading this in distant twenty first century might be able to tell how this would be the churning of a feminist movement and the tower being the cite of the revolution. Any intelligent scholar even from the twentieth century might already have his title ready for a dissertation on the suffrage of cows, and any respectable politician from any age might already have their speech written for elections, no matter when they strike; unless of course it was China, or Russia, then the politician would know better than having speeches. 

To the utter disappointment of the town, the case did not last long, those who were getting their popcorn and beers out were severely disappointed. Even a certain Kafka was disappointed, he was rather looking forward to The Trial. The court ended up deciding that the tower be taken down and women stop gossiping henceforth. And rather unsurprisingly this became a hot topic for gossip overnight.

It remains to be seen whether the town finds its way and the revolution that was brewing in the circles of gossip would culminate to any justice for the cows, and of course for the poor women too, but more so for the sacred cows.  

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