Back like they never left — the 2022 MLS season kicks off today, and we have everything you need to know before the start of “the soccer.” Let’s kick it.

Also can people die of too much soccer if so I am at risk.

Let’s start with a quick refresher on the league setup: the MLS is split into two conferences — Western and Eastern — each consisting of 14 teams. Each team will play 34 regular-season games, facing each of their conference opponents twice and eight non-conference opponents once.

• The top seven teams in each conference will advance to the single-elimination playoffs, with the top-seeded team in each conference earning a first-round bye.

What makes the MLS so thrilling is its Decision Day. While some teams will secure playoff chances earlier in the season, a bevy of teams’ postseason hopes always come down to the final, nail-biting day of the regular season, October 9th. Prepare for madness.

• The 27th MLS Cup Final will take place on November 5th, the earliest date for the championship game since 2002. Why so early? A little thing called the men’s World Cup starts November 21st.

New York City FC (NYCFC): NYCFC are hoping to become the first back-to-back MLS Champions since the LA Galaxy did it a decade ago. Sure, the Galaxy had David Beckham back then, but NYCFC has reigning Golden Boot winner Taty Castellanos…at least for now.

Portland Timbers: Portland is probably still reeling from penalty heartbreak after losing to NYCFC in a shootout in last season's championship. After making the final twice in the past four years, the Timbers will look to fell their final giant and win it all.

Philadelphia Union: After a bumpy regular season, the Union gritted out an impressive postseason run that led them all the way to the Eastern Conference Final. Most of their roster remains the same, but look out for new club-record signing Mikael Uhre to add some firepower.

Real Salt Lake (RSL): Last year’s Cinderella story came straight out of Utah. The team was one win away from making the final, with captain Albert Rusnák leading the charge into the playoffs. But Rusnák is now with Seattle Sounders FC, and RSL will need some extra morale.

Of last year’s top four, NYCFC and the Philadelphia Union are the most likely to continue their dominance. But a few other teams are ready to crush their dreams.

Seattle Sounders FC: Holding a league-record 13-straight playoff appearances, the Sounders have been very good for a very long time — and they don’t look like they’re stopping anytime soon. One of the deepest rosters in the league has only been bolstered by the aforementioned Rusnák, and as long as they stay healthy, they could go all the way.

New England Revolution: The Revs won the Supporters’ Shield (awarded to the best regular season team) for the first time in club history last season and set a new single-season points record (73) in the process.

• The Bruce Arena–led dynamos have added league vets Sebastian Lletget (pronounced luh-JET) and Jozy Altidore (from Toronto FC) to their roster, but losing golden goalie Matt Turner to English side Arsenal will be a tough loss to mitigate.

Nashville SC: It’s Hany Mukhtar season. The prolific midfielder is entering his third year in the league, ready to lift Nashville to new heights. The Music City team has made the playoffs in each of its two years of existence, and with a stronger sense of identity and a legitimate defense, they might be ready to take it all. The only catch: they’re in a very competitive Western Conference this year.

Colorado Rapids: The Rapids reigned supreme over a star-studded Western Conference last season, setting club records in the process. They lost mainstay Kellyn Acosta in the offseason, but if last year proved anything, it’s that the Rapids know how to grind out wins without big-name stars. Summit conquered.

Josef Martinez, Atlanta United, forward: The 2018 Golden Boot winner is back for more. The Five Stripes’ firecracker doesn’t want 100 goals this season — he wants 200. So lawyer up because he’s coming back for everything.

Hany Mukhtar, Nashville SC, forward: We’ve mentioned Mukhtar before and we legally have to mention him again. Reporters are prophesying he’ll be this season’s MVP, and for good reason. Four goals and four assists in his first season to 16 goals and 12 assists in his second? The sky’s the limit for the Berliner’s third year in the MLS.

João Paulo, Seattle Sounders FC, midfielder: The Sounders star does it all — defensive midfielder, central midfielder, goalscoring maestro — and will be key to the Sounders’ success. As long as the Brazilian stays healthy throughout this season, Marshawn Lynch may need to narrate some more BeastMode highlight reels.

Andre Blake, Philadelphia Union, goalkeeper: The man between the Philly posts. The Philadelphia Union simply don’t reach the heights they do without Blake’s shot-stopping abilities. He was the runner-up for Goalkeeper of the Year honors last season, but with winner Matt Turner off to Arsenal this year, something tells us Blake is the one to beat.

Lorenzo Insigne, Toronto FC, forward: Buon giorno, Lorenzo! Insigne captained Italy to its UEFA EURO 2020 victory last summer, and is an attacking player still at the height of his powers. He signed a pre-contract to join Toronto FC starting in July, and Canada — they got a real one.

The MLS is welcoming its 28th member this season — Charlotte FC. The North Carolina–based team will join the Eastern Conference, and Nashville SC will move to the Western Conference to even out the scales.

• Are we excited to see the league grow? Yes! Is Charlotte’s new head coach excited about their roster prospects? No!

Speaking of head coaches, a few new gaffers are ready to rumble. Former USMNT player Steve Cherundolo is hoping to lift LAFC back to postseason glory after head coach Bob Bradley moved up north to lead Toronto FC.

• But we might be most excited for Nico Éstevez, the former USMNT assistant coach who’s taking the reins over at FC Dallas. Giddy up.

The cherry on top? Nashville SC will debut its brand new 30,000-seat venue in May, making it the largest soccer-specific stadium in the country. New stadium, who dis?

Footy fiestas, at the ready. This season will feature the largest U.S. network coverage in MLS history, and TSN will cover 16 CF Montréal matches and every Toronto FC and Vancouver Whitecaps match. Check your local listings here to catch the opening day (featuring nine games!) fun. Let the goal celebrations ensue.

The journalists over at MLS have everything you need for a deeper dive into this season. Season previews for every single team? Check. Each squad’s potential breakout star? You got it. The second-year players poised to make a statement? No sophomore slumps here.

Sure, this article is from 2020, but Hanif Abdurraqib’s moving tribute to his hometown Columbus Crew is the best read to be properly emotional before another MLS season. Poet, essayist, critic and soccer fan? We have no choice but to stan.

Besides opening weekend? She’s the Man. Because of course.