Sticky Notes - David will always have the advantage.

The TL;DR...

I'm taking on new projects. But, not with just anyone. I want clients with some serious balls (or ovaries) who want to create ambitious advertising that turns heads and stops thumbs. If my portfolio gets you all hot and bothered, reach out to me here. 

The Whole Story...

Three years ago, I nearly got my thumb ripped off by a 120 lbs labrador. She was my neighbor's dog. I had pet her a hundred times.

But, on this particular day, when I had reached down to say hello to her, she lashed out and the next thing I knew, my thumb was in two and I was cupping crimson beneath it.

While I didn't realize it at the time, looking back it's obvious she had felt cornered.

My neighbor gave her free reign of the backyard, patio and the garage and she kept the garage door cracked open, just high enough for her to stick her head through and look out onto the street.

When I saw her sweet face sticking out through the garage, I came up to say hello. She had felt threatened and she quickly let me know with all 42 of her pearly whites. 

They say the most dangerous animal in the world is a cornered one.

Startups are like cornered animals and this is what makes them so dangerous to their established competitors: they have nothing to lose. 

The problem is that most startups don't realize this truth until it's too late, after they've already played it safe and have been stomped out because of it.

Most startups attempt to compete with the larger players in their industry by writing, designing and marketing by the industry standard.

Don't you know... you can't beat Goliath at his own game? 

I see this phenomenon most often in the bed-in-a-box space. If you were to remove the logos and the respective colors from sites like Casper, Leesa, Avocado, Yoga, Nectar and Tuft & Needle... you wouldn't be able to tell any of them apart from any other. 

I rarely, if ever, write for large, established brands because the story is always the same... 

I set out to write ambitious advertising for them and I soon find myself exhausted, writing to please a bunch of jackasses in suits; jackasses who'd rather reach for words like "effective" versus "gets the job done" or "quality" versus "sturdy" or "bleeding-edge technology" versus "made with materials so advanced they'd give Bill Gates the first erection he's had in three decades".

Established brands and their square-filled boardrooms wouldn't know a set of brass balls if a brass monkey unzipped his trousers and plopped them right down in their goddamn mouths.

Fortunately, this is where startups can come in and eat everybody's goddamn lunch. 

All startups should market with the same level of unapologetic audacity that Apple did in the 1980s. 

One of my favorite clients, Last Crumb, is a perfect example of this.

They understand that to carve out a place for themselves in a space riddled with Goliaths like Oreo, Nabisco, Pepperidge Farm, Keebler, Famous Amos, Chips Ahoy and Nestle, they can't sound anything like them. 

Oreo is never going to write "Cookies so good that Vegans will cheat on themselves". Ane, because of this, Last Crumb HAS to fucking do it.

If you're a startup, you have to do the kind of marketing your competitors won't because that's exactly the kind of marketing that customers want. 

I've got a pair of brass balls you can rent anytime you'd like. Take a look at my portfolio and if you find your jaw on the ground, write me here. 

But, I digress. 

Cole Schafer.

P.S. If this newsletter made you weak in the knees, give me some love over on Twitter, Linkedin or Instagram. And, if someone sent you this newsletter and you'd like to receive it weekly, subscribe at the button below. 

Oh, so you're a do-it-yourself kind of gal. Respect.

If you'd rather cut off your left pinky toe than hire me to write advertising for you, at the very least consider picking up a copy of my copywriting guide.

It's been purchased by nearly 2,700 marketers, entrepreneurs, copywriters and snow cond vendors. And, honest to God, I'd recommend it for anyone selling anything online. 

(Even Elon Musk who, judging by his tweets, has never taken a single writing class in his life...)

When folks begin to find success, it’s natural to want to outsource the shitty parts of life.

When you have more than enough money and your time is worth X amount of dollars, it’s easy to justify paying others to take on the chores you hate: picking up the dog crap in the backyard, having the groceries delivered, cutting the grass, cleaning the house, etc. 

While there’s nothing intrinsically wrong with paying others when you need help, too much “outsourcing” can lead to a flawed perspective of what’s “normal”.

Yesterday, I was listening to a podcast where a well-known entrepreneur and internet marketer made the comment that he’s “not rich” and then later in the interview said that he paid a car service $57,000/month to drive him around Las Vegas.

This, in my opinion, is when “outsourcing” becomes a problem, when we no longer see luxury as luxury but instead as what’s normal.

(Normal people don’t have a driver that waits on them hand and foot and then writes them a check at the end of the month for $57,000…)

Not to mention, by removing the gritty, hands-in-the-dirt work from our everyday existences, we cost ourselves a degree of happiness, connection and material. 

Happiness is more easily experienced on the other side of hard work and suffering.

A Gatorade, for example, tastes a hell of a lot better when you’ve sweated your ass off to earn it.

Connection happens through empathy; through walking in the same shoes as those around you.

Don’t tell me the rich internet marketer I mentioned a moment ago can have any sort of empathy for those who take the metro to work.

And, finally, in regards to material, our best material is given to us through inconvenience, suffering and having to do the shit we don’t want to do.

Time and time again, we see an artist’s best work behind them, before they had enough money to outsource their suffering.

So, suffer.

Suffer well.

A few days ago I released a poem that put a lot of folks in their feels. It's called, A lifetime of coffees with you. It hurt to write, which normally means that it will hurt to read. If you enjoy a lump in your throat every now and again, it might be for you.

P.s. Once again, if something I ever write resonates with you, please share it via the icons down below and encourage others to subscribe here.