a nice place for a soak / via @theworldofinteriors

Good morning,

Haley Nahman from the Maybe Baby newsletter shared her divide-and-conquer cooking strategy in our newsletter last week, and it sparked a great conversation in my DM’s. One reader asked: how are people dividing up household tasks with their partner generally? We’re talking about all the life admin, errands, household-upkeep, “uh oh I need to find a gift for this upcoming birthday party” kind of stuff that can encroach on our time to unwind and relax.

If you feel you’ve cracked the code on this, we’d love to hear from you: here’s a 10-minute survey where you can spill all your secrets. The first 100 people to fill out the survey will receive a $25 gift card to Whiled. (Non-partnered-up readers—your thoughts are welcome, too.)

Now here’s to hoping I can conquer that pesky to-do list and get back to watching Stranger Things. :)

—Alisha Ramos (@alisharamos)

P.S. Are you new here? Welcome! Hope you’re comfy. Have a look at some of our most popular, recent newsletter issues on rethinking our ambition, overcoming perfectionism, and morning routines.

This Week's Recommendations

Image: @pianideglialpaca

A Simple Way to Feel Just a Bit More Joy Each Day

by Thao Thai

I’m what you would call a cautious driver, though some would probably say that’s an overgenerous description of my snail-like adherence to speed limits. As such, I get cut off on the roads pretty often. Mostly, it doesn’t bother me, but once in awhile—like that time on the narrow, hill-hugging road near my daughter’s summer camp—someone cuts me off with such gusto, with no more than a hair’s breadth between our cars, that I find myself full of righteous ire. So maybe it’s no surprise that when I see that same speedster pulled over a mile down the road, I feel a whisper of that ugly emotion I can’t always escape: schadenfreude, or the pleasure one receives in witnessing someone else’s misfortune. 

And I’m not alone. When I talk to friends about schadenfreude, I’m usually met with a sheepish laugh, followed by some acknowledgement of its role in their lives. Like when that credit-stealing coworker reveals a gaff in a public email chain. When a detestable politician “gets his” in the public court of opinion. When that bully from high school announces her divorce, after years of holier-than-thou Facebook posting. The truth is, we all have some notion of cosmic justice that feels undeniably satisfying when fulfilled, especially if we think the other party is deserving of comeuppance. These days, schadenfreude (like road rage) is particularly rampant. One could say the worldly weight of injustice is so debilitating that we cling to any notion of moral equity, as a kind of balancing of the scales.

But the catch is that schadenfreude does absolutely nothing for humanity. It’s one of those poisonous emotions that enacts its harm on your own psyche, often filling you with resentment and irritation. Like one of those self-replicating clones in old-timey horror flicks, schadenfreude begets more negativity, punishing the bearer of the emotion much more than the recipient. So, faced with this internal discontent, I began thinking about schadenfreude’s opposite: freudenfreude. 

In her landmark book on emotions, Atlas of the Heart, Dr. Brené Brown refers to freudenfreude as “a subset of empathy” wherein a person embraces secondhand joy in celebrating others’ accomplishments. I feel lucky to be able to nurture freudenfreude on a regular basis: when my daughter accepts her much-deserved “Ray of Sunshine” award at school, when a friend signs with an agent for her first book, and when a cousin gets engaged to her long-time love. But of course, freudenfreude is relatively easy to summon for the big moments. The harder part is maintaining freudenfreude as a regular part of daily life.

I’m starting small. Today, I made it a point to comment on every single social media post where someone was celebrating something in their lives (a birthday! An essay finished! A kiddo graduating from high school!). Then, I sent texts to friends, telling them how happy I was about something they recently accomplished, but may not have remarked upon explicitly to me. I told one friend I was proud of her for prioritizing her health and taking time off work. I commented on another’s sweet mothering instincts that rose strong and triumphant, despite her own lack of parenting role models.

It turns out: freudenfreude feels so much better than its evil twin. And though it didn’t make the world around me become magically beneficent, or transform me into a Suzy Sunshine overnight, I did feel the world shift ever so slightly towards the brighter parts of existence. By trying to actively feel freudenfreude more often in our lives—for family, friends, and even strangers—we may be able to create a sense of empathy that will not only be a boon for our own mental health, but for this fraught world at large. 

Dr. Brown offers this piece of advice for her children, “Good friends aren’t afraid of your light. When something good happens to you, they celebrate your flame. When something good happens to them, you celebrate their flame.” In a world often pocketed by deep wells of sorrow, we can never have enough friendship, or enough light. 

Thao is a writer and editor living in Ohio. Her debut novel, Banyan Moon, comes out in spring of 2023 from Mariner | HarperCollins.

This Week's Reads

1. The deep-dive we needed to understand what it’s like to work as a woman in “the scarcely regulated, wild, notoriously bro-y” crypto industry. (ELLE)

2. Why is changing your last name after marriage still such a hard decision? (The Washington Post)

3. Making Your Own Ice Cream Is Easy. 😋 (Eater)

4. Can the joy of discovering a great book IRL at an indie bookstore ever be replicated online? These new apps companies think they can. A true hot take. (The New York Times gift link)

5. A rare Rooney sighting: Sally Rooney in conversation with Patricia Lockwood. (The Guardian)

6. We all need better boundaries online. Is it time to bring back the AIM away message? (Wired)

7. The SATC reboot craze has died down, but aren’t we all curious what Che (played by Sara Ramirez) thinks?! (Variety)

8. The Best Thing to Bring to a Potluck Is Dip. Co-sign. (Eater)

9. Elon Musk has a sister….and she does what for a living?! Wondering when the Succession-style sibling drama series will drop. (The New York Times gift link)

10. Egg Freezing’s BMI Problem. A great long read on a lesser-known issue faced by some patients in an already difficult process. (The Cut)