October 27, 2022 | Read Online

The Recession Special

To everyone bored of the $7 cups of coffee

Cole Schafer
October 27, 2022

I wrote this sober...

From Monday, October 31st to November 30th I will be running How to write articles that will make your readers fall in love with you.

It's a month-long writing course taught entirely via email designed to make you the kind of writer that readers can't ignore.

Today, I'm running The Recession Special, which means you can enroll in the course for just $1/ day. Or, $31 for the entire month.

I wrote this drunk...

Nashville, Tennessee sure as hell ain't cheap.

I walked into an eastside coffee shop yesterday and I was handed a menu so stuffy it'd give a sommelier an erection.

They were charging $15 for a cup of coffee––whose name I couldn't pronounce––with "notes" you'd find on the front of a Yankee Candle.

I said hell no and ordered the cheapest cup of coffee on the menu: a $7 pour-over that left something to be desired.

(There should be a rule in the United States that a cup of coffee can't cost more than half of the minimum wage. Every person in America should be able to work 30-minutes to pay for a cup of coffee at their neighborhood coffee shop...)

When I get all bent out of shape over the price of coffee, I feel like my grandfather bitching about how milk and a loaf of bread used to cost a nickel.

There are pockets in Nashville, though, where you can still pull out your wallet without losing your ass.

At Duke's, for example, you can get a hot sandwich the size of your foot, a Mexican lager and a shot of Four Roses Bourbon for less than $15.

That's like winning the Lotto when you consider the joint right next door is charging $20 for a burger with no fries.

That's another thing: if you're going to charge me $20 for a burger, don't make me buy the fries separately.

Pile so many fries onto my plate that my fingers and toes swell up like bratwursts. Pile so many fries onto my plate that I'm scheduling a workout class for the following morning whilst eyeing the steamy haze wafting off of those beautiful golden, brown sonsofbitches.

By far the best deal you can get in Nashville, Tennessee is at Robert's Western World.

It's called The Recession Special and for $6 you're served a Moon Pie, a bag of Lay's Potato Chips, an ice-cold Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer and a fried bologna sandwich.

In creating this course, I decided to take some inspiration from Robert's Western World and run a 24-hour deal where you can enroll in How to write articles that will make readers fall in love with you for just $1/ day. Or, $31 for the entire month.

Here's the kicker though: every 24 hours you drag your ass, that price is going up $1 per day. For my mathletes jerking off in their hoodies in the back of the room, here's what that works out to...

Thursday... $31 ($1/ day)

Friday... $62 ($2/ day)

Saturday... $93 ($3/ day)

Sunday... $124 ($4/ day)

But, hell, even at $4 day, this course is cheaper than anything they serve at those pretentious coffee shops where the baristas all dress up like mechanics but pour your coffee with hands exfoliated by activated charcoal and peppermint-infused moisturizer.

Rant over––see you in class.

By Cole Schafer.

P.S. You enroll here... 👇🏾

Don't be late.

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