The wackiest headlines from the week as they would appear in a Classifieds section.

Careers

GET THIS BREAD: Subway is running a contest for a fan to win free sandwiches for life if they legally change their name to “Subway.” That’s an OK promotion, but would have gone more original by making them marry a pile of deli meat or build a car out of provolone.

EXECUTIVE DOG TRAINER: President Biden’s dog Commander has reportedly bitten Secret Service agents 10 times between October 2022 and January 2023. What’s even worse is that the Bidens can’t send Commander to “live on a farm upstate” because DC isn’t technically a state.

HIGH-PAID HOLLYWOOD JOB: As Hollywood workers strike in large part over AI concerns, Netflix is hiring an AI product manager with a salary range from $300,000 to $900,000. They may read scripts over there, but they don’t read the room.

Personal

EGGS—FOUND: A man in England stole 200,000 Cadbury Creme Eggs and faces 18 months in prison. So glad they cracked the case.

TURN UP THE HEAT: Mike Massa, stunt coordinator and Harrison Ford’s stunt double, (safely) set his suit on fire during an actors strike rally because he was tired of being “burned” by studios.

For sale

CONDIMENT CANDY: Come on, freaks, get them while they’re…hot? French’s and Skittles are releasing mustard Skittles for people who want chewier hot dogs.

SEWER ZAH: Pizza Hut is delivering pies to the subway system in New York City to promote the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie, TMNT: Mutant Mayhem. The rats have never been more excited.—MM

Here are some illuminating scientific discoveries from the week to help you live better and maybe even eat more veggies.

Cash is still king when treating yourself. People are more likely to reach for dollar bills than credit cards when making a guilty pleasure purchase, according to new Stanford research. In more than 118,000 real transactions at the university bookstore, buyers tended to slap their plastic on the counter for school supplies but pay with cash for “harder-to-justify” items like a stuffed plush mascot. And when asked how they’d pay for a hypothetical reiki session, participants leaned toward credit card when the treatment was described as doctor-recommended but toward cash when they were told it was just an impulse purchase.

You don’t have to go full vegan to help the planet. If you’re caught between the rock of loving meat and the hard place of loving the environment, good news: You can make a big impact just by eating fewer burgers. Cutting your daily meat intake from more than 3.5 ounces to less than 1.8 ounces reduces your dietary environmental impact by 30%, according to new Oxford research. Veganism remains the most sustainable choice, with about a 70% lower overall effect on factors like pollution, biodiversity, and land and water usage—but any plant-based meal helps. Plus, a separate study found that eating more fruits and veggies reduces the risks of diabetes, heart disease, obesity, and depression.

‍🩹 This damaged metal just healed itself. Scientists in Albuquerque witnessed something out of an Iron Man movie: A microscopic piece of platinum cracked from pressure and then fused back together without any help. The stunned researchers say this is a breakthrough—some self-healing plastics have been made, but self-healing metals have so far only been possible in sci-fi films. The scrap of platinum was just a few nanometers long, so more research is needed to see if this self-repair is possible on larger pieces of metal (and outside the lab). If it is, we could one day see self-healing bridges and electronic devices.—ML

If Larry David were a macroeconomist, he’d probably tell you that the economy is doing pretty, pretty, pretty good. The real economists at Morgan Stanley have upgraded their prediction for this year’s US GDP growth by almost fourfold (to 1.9%), crediting the boost to wonkland’s new favorite buzzword: “Bidenomics.”

Biden’s critics and supporters alike have embraced the term for the president’s economic philosophy. And now that POTUS has made it central to his reelection campaign, you’re going to keep hearing it.

What does it mean? The backbone of Bidenomics is industrial policy, aka directing loads of government spending toward key industries like clean energy and semiconductor production. The goal is to make America a high-tech manufacturing hub that’s less reliant on global supply chains while creating solid middle-class jobs.

It’s intended as a rejoinder to Reaganomics, the philosophy that reducing business regulations and cutting taxes for the rich juices spending, making wealth eventually trickle down through the economy.

But in Bidenomics, it’s federal spending that drives the action.

• The Infrastructure Investment and Jobs Act made $550 billion available for road repairs, broadband expansion, and electrical grid upgrades. 
• Chipmakers now have more reason to chipmake in the US thanks to $52.7 billion in direct subsidies in the CHIPS and Science Act.
• And companies involved in solar, wind, and clean hydrogen technologies can receive tax breaks and funding from the $500 billion Inflation Reduction Act.

The administration also doled out cash for social welfare, like temporarily expanding a tax rebate for families with children in 2021.

How’s it going so far?

The White House has quickly branded recent strong economic data as a Bidenomics win. Experts were surprised by faster-than-expected 2.4% annualized GDP growth last quarter, partially due to government spending. Yearly inflation cooled to 3% last month after peaking at 9.1% a year prior, and the labor market remains strong.

Just how much credit Biden’s industrial push deserves for all that is up for debate. But there are some concrete industry investments stemming from the new laws:

• Lured by federal subsidies, chipmakers plan to invest $210 billion in US factories and employ 44,000 people, according to the Semiconductor Industry Association.
• And many foreign cleantech companies are reportedly looking to invest in the US, where incentives for their industry abound. Swiss solar battery-maker Meyer Burger indefinitely postponed plans to expand in Germany and wants to build a factory in Colorado Springs, CO, where it says it will hire 350 people.

Cheerful economic updates don’t automatically turn workers into Biden supporters though—only 36% of Americans approve of the president’s handling of the economy, per recent polling.

Many people are still spooked by months of predictions that a recession is near and feel like inflation has eaten into wage gains, Robert D. Atkinson, economist and founder of the Information Technology and Innovation Foundation, told Morning Brew.

It’s complicated…

Not all experts love the idea of the government tipping the scale in favor of some industries.

And even fans of these measures worry about the implementation. Atkins, for example, wishes Biden could have bolstered US manufacturing more broadly, focusing on aerospace and pharmaceuticals, too.

Other critics think that the strings the administration attached to industry-boosting incentives, like requirements to provide certain worker benefits, distract from their main purpose of building high-tech products with a “Made in USA” sticker. Meanwhile, the Wall Street Journal’s Chief Economics Commentator Greg Ip worries that solid evidence on how the government can best spur activity in the private sector is sparse.

Looking ahead...it’s probably too soon to judge Bidenomics: Major government programs take time to work and can have unexpected complications and side effects—so its full impact may not be felt until well after the pundit chatter recedes.—SK

Meal prep: These raspberry streusel muffins are described as “hefty, moist, lemony, not too sweet, and absolutely tie-dyed with a constellation of raspberries inside.”

Book rec: Looking for a challenge? Commit to finishing Lonesome Dove, an epic novel by Larry McMurtry, before the summer’s end.

Art rec: The cutest li’l prints you ever did see from Anastasia Inciardi. (If you’re in Portland, ME, check out her print vending machine.)

Watch: Based on a True Story, an addicting dark comedy featuring The Big Bang Theory’s Kaley Cuoco, is worth a Peacock subscription.

Buy: Durable, leakproof travel-size bottles are the most underrated travel accessory.

Listen: Post Malone just dropped his fifth studio album, Austin. It contrasts his other work—he uses more guitar, and the music is slower-paced—but it’s no less enthralling.

CFOs, meet HR: Discover how one finance team partnered with their HR department to improve talent retention.

It’s a big world out there. In this section, we’ll teleport you to an interesting location—and hopefully give you travel ideas in the process.

Not all bathrooms have to resemble a port-a-potty five hours into a Kansas City Chiefs tailgate.

In fact, some are so clean, so well-lit, so dreamy that they’re in the running to be called America’s Best Restroom in a contest sponsored by Cintas Corp., a bathroom supply company.

Here’s a look at several of the 10 finalists hoping to win your vote for the No. 1 spot to go No. 1.

The new bathrooms at BWI Airport: According to BWI’s chief airport engineer, passengers rank bathrooms as an airport’s top amenity, so BWI embarked on a $55 million project to modernize its bathrooms. The result? A high-tech redesign featuring touchless everything, floor-to-ceiling walls for the stalls, and lights that will tell you whether someone is still wiping in there. This could be where you want to post up when the AmEx lounge gets too crowded.

Snowbasin Resort in Utah: After freshening up in Snowbasin’s luxe restrooms, which are adorned with Italian Carrera marble and bronze and crystal chandeliers, you probably will just call it a day out on the slopes. Fun fact: Snowbasin is one of two Utah bathrooms that made the final round; the other is at Little America Hotel in Salt Lake City.

The Rabbit Hole in South Carolina: This Greenville restaurant leans into its name with an Alice in Wonderland-themed bathroom covered wall-to-wall with images of rabbits.

The ladies’ room at Drusie & Darr in Nasvhille. The newly remodeled space went full Barbie before Barbie was even a thing, incorporating various hues of pink marble, pink fixtures, and rose gold-framed mirrors for a worthy rival to the restaurant’s famous Art Deco-inspired men’s bathroom.—NF

Last week we asked: What’s a special phrase or acronym you use with your friends that other people should know?

Here are some of our favorite responses.

• “‘Honkshoo mimimi’ when something is boring us. Like ‘this is so honkshoo mimimi, let’s get out of here.”—Emily from New Jersey
• “I say ‘Uncle Joe’d’ when someone pours me a strong drink because Uncle Joe used to pour very strong drinks.”—Mimi from Wyndmoor, PA
• “When someone makes a declarative statement, I respond, ‘Well didgeridoo and Toto too.’”—Jeff from Bradenton, Florida
• “My friends and I are constantly ‘having mouse moments’—aka, eating anything, anywhere, alone and without a screen. So, you know, just eating.”—Simone from Boston, MA
• “I grew up in the South, where it is common to order a meal that comes with a biscuit on the side. Now, when something unexpectedly wonderful happens, my friends and I like to call the unforeseen blessing a ‘biscuit.’ (I.e., eight inches of fresh powder fell last night…what a biscuit!)”—Ellie from Bozeman, Montana

This week’s question

What’s your preferred method of entering a pool and why? (Preference will be given to the weirdest rituals.)

Matty’s answer to get the juices flowing: “I always do the classic ‘get in from the ladder and slowly move into the deeper end,’ so I’m uncomfortable for a solid three minutes. I know I could just jump in and be over with it, but I’m weak.”

Share your answer here.

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