She Dares To Say - #36: Authenticity Arena – No. 14
#36: Authenticity Arena – No. 14‘O’; 45; bisexual/pansexual; Latino; cis man; polyamorous, living with a nesting partner as two-thirds of an open triad, and a few other partners; Tucson, AZ, US
This content is free, but it takes time to create and upload each piece, so if this project is something that you value, please consider becoming a paid subscriber of ‘She Dares to Say’, which is either billed monthly at £3.79 each month, or annually at £34.99 per year. If you would prefer to make a one-off donation, feel free to send a contribution via PayPal. You can also show your enjoyment without spending £££, by liking, commenting or sharing 😃 [Image description: Text ‘Authenticity Arena No. 14’ on a lilac background] The audio recording (above) and transcript (below) represent 14 minutes of a 50-minute chat I had with ‘O’ who’s a bisexual/pansexual, Latino, cis man, who, at the time of interview in July 2022 was 45, living with a female nesting partner in Tucson, AZ, US, as two-thirds of an open triad, and also has a few other partners and additionally co-parents kids from a previous relationship. ‘O’ shared with me his experience of having sex with someone else for the first time, which happened, when he was 14, with a young woman who was 18. (Almaz note: ‘O’ describes the experience as wholly consensual, but in regards to the law in lots of US states, under 18s cannot consent to sex). Our chat also covered the initial guilt that ‘O’ felt when he started doing sex stuff with men, and also the acceptance that came when he started reading lots of books on sexuality and relationship styles. ‘O’ – 12:29mins Almaz – 12:51mins We got married. Almaz – 13:41mins Almaz – 13:44mins Almaz – 13:52mins ‘O’ – 13:56mins But, yeah, I think, overall, it was enjoyable. I think I remember… Almaz – 15:24mins Almaz – 15:39mins ‘O’ – 15:58mins ‘O’ – 16:09mins ‘O’ – 16:19mins ‘O’ – 16:24mins ‘O’ – 16:25mins Almaz – 16:25mins ‘O’ – 16:25mins ‘O’ – 16:37mins ‘O’ – 16:54mins Almaz – 17:35mins And whereas I can say, like, there’s much more nuance to it, and to… I certainly wouldn’t say that she was... You know, we don’t really have a relationship anymore, but, like, you know, for the most part, like, she was a good person. She’s not, like… This is certainly not a pattern. There was nothing, like, this hadn’t happened before after and I certainly don’t blame her for it. I was, again, talking a big game of like, “Oh, yeah, I know what I’m doing. I got this.” And so I certainly don’t apply any blame to her. But yeah, it’s much more, I think, important for me to be able to reflect on it and say, you know, the whys and what’s and how’s, and, of just, like, “did this affect my later relationships” or whatever. Almaz – 18:38mins Almaz – 18:39mins ‘O’ – 18:58mins Almaz – 19:33mins ‘O’ – 20:01mins Almaz – 20:01mins ‘O’ – 20:15mins Almaz – 20:41mins Almaz – 21:07mins Like, I can just, like, “not only can be, allowed”, but it’s, like, “you can live your whole life like that”, like, “that’s totally okay”. And so, like, again, not having the language to, sort of, look in and, sort of, see that as, like, okay. Or a normal thing that happens in the world [scoffs] was really challenging until, like, the books that I was reading was more just, like, again, very, like… There was, like, I don’t remember specifically what they were, but I just remember trying to seek out, like, experiences for folks who are gay and then, like, sexual stuff for people who are straight and, again, there didn’t seem to be this, like, middle ground of, like, “okay, well, is there space for both?” But I think later, right, like, sort of, working through this shame and guilt and being, like, “oh, no, I can live my life like this. I can tell people.” And then later, you know, I did talk… I’ve spent a lot of time my therapist and, like, finally being open about it, sort of, became this… Just, like, learning that there are lots of people that feel this way. Almaz – 23:06mins Almaz – 23:17mins Almaz – 23:28mins ‘O’ – 23:39mins Almaz – 23:48mins Almaz – 24:12mins Almaz – 24:20mins Almaz – 24:49mins ‘O’ – 24:49mins Almaz – 25:08mins Almaz – 25:33mins ‘O’ – 25:33mins Almaz – 25:37mins ‘O’ – 25:37mins Almaz – 25:52mins Almaz – 25:55mins ‘O’ – 26:15mins ‘O’ – 26:25mins [CONVERSATION CONTINUES FOR ANOTHER 20 MINUTES] ‘B’, 32, queer, Greek (Caucasian), woman (cis), partnered, London: [Image description: promo banner for Almaz’s Developing Sexual Expression and understanding intimacy workshops] Throughout November I’m partnering with Oli Lipski (AKA ‘The Queer Sensualist’), a sex, relationships and intimacy coach to run my series of four workshop online via Zoom. [Image description: promo banner for ‘Writing Romance’ workshop] Originally run as a dynamic hen-do activity ‘Writing Romance’ workshop has been specially developed with all levels of literary skills in mind.
What peeps have said about ‘Writing Romance’: “It was a great introduction and helped me to begin with my idea of writing erotic short stories, what I had in mind for so long time. I’m very grateful for the worksheet, which will help me to stay tuned with that idea. I would definitely recommend your workshop.” – Anna, online workshop participant “What seemed like it could’ve been very awkward and embarrassing actually ended up being really fun, thought-provoking and exciting! Would definitely recommend to friends, it was so great to do something different!” – Jenny, hen party guest Workshop 2: Cultivating Consent Culture | Wednesday 15 November 2023 | 19:30–20:45 (GMT) [Image description: promo banner for ‘Cultivating Consent Culture’ workshop]
What peeps have said about ‘Cultivating Consent Culture’: “It was great! I liked how open it was and people felt they could voice their thoughts in a safe space.” – Anon., online workshop participant Workshop 3: Improving Intimacy | Wednesday 22 November 2023 | 19:30–20:45 (GMT) [Image description: promo banner for ‘Improving Intimacy Part I’ workshop]
What peeps have said about ‘Improving Intimacy Part I’: “I really enjoyed the session and learnt a lot about female-assigned anatomy that I didn’t realise I didn’t know. I also really liked how diverse and inclusive the session was in terms of both anatomy shown and different identities.” – Anon., online workshop participant “What I am very happy about is that from your workshop my partner and I had an hour-long chat about sex etc. It was really important and something we were both too scared to talk about. So the workshop was a massive success for us.” – Anon., online workshop participant Workshop 4: Improving Intimacy Part II | Wednesday 29 November 2023 | 19:30–20:45 (GMT) [Image description: promo banner for ‘Improving Intimacy Part II’ workshop]
What peeps have said about ‘Improving Intimacy Part II’: “The workshop with Almaz was a perfect hen activity, especially for hens who might not want a butler in the buff but do want to add a little bit of naughty nudity. Almaz made us feel comfortable from the start and led a conversation about sex from a female lens which is often left out! It was a light-hearted but informative session about sex, pleasure and female empowerment.” – Anon. in-person hen party guest “When I joined Almaz’s workshop, I felt welcomed into an environment where people were able to speak about sexual intimacy openly, honestly and with positivity. Just being present for that was a positive experience for me, let alone some of the unexpected things I learned about sex toys, indie porn sites and affiliate links!” – Anon., online workshop participant [Image description: Text ‘POSTSCRIPT’] The ‘POSTSCRIPT’ segment for paid subscribers will drop on Wednesday 25 October and will include the written answers that ‘O’ gave in response to my sexuality survey. To receive this extra mailout you’ll need to upgrade to a paid subscription, which is either billed monthly at £3.79 each month, or annually at £34.99 per year. [Image description: Text ‘PRODUCED BY’] Available for commissions. Info via almazohene.com/contact-faqs. This content is free, but it takes time to create and upload each piece, so if this project is something that you value, please consider becoming a paid subscriber of ‘She Dares to Say’, which is either billed monthly at £3.79 each month, or annually at £34.99 per year. If you would prefer to make a one-off donation, feel free to send a contribution via PayPal. You can also show your enjoyment without spending £££, by liking, commenting or sharing 😃 You're currently a free subscriber to She Dares To Say. For the full experience, upgrade your subscription. |
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#35: Tips for improving your physical relationship that don’t involve sex
Wednesday, October 4, 2023
What can you do to encourage affectionate touch in your day-to-day lives?
#34: ‘She Dares To Say’ season 3 announcement
Wednesday, September 27, 2023
ICYMI...
#33: ‘The Ultimate Guide to Non-monogamy’
Sunday, September 17, 2023
Hosting a panel talk at the Institute of Curious Minds, Lost Village festival
#32: Hen party with a twist
Wednesday, July 5, 2023
In which I run a developing səxual expression and understanding intimacy workshop...
#31: ‘She Dares To Say’ is on hiatus
Wednesday, May 3, 2023
Taking a break
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