The wackiest headlines from the week as they would appear in a Classifieds section.

Careers

PARADE HEADLINER: Cher will perform at this year’s Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, but she won’t close out the show. That spot is obviously reserved for Santa, who has no Grammys, btw.

POP, LOCK, & ENFORCEMENT: A man was arrested in Florida for driving a truck that looked like a Border Patrol vehicle but was marked “Booty Patrol.” This could have inspired so many Halloween costumes if we had known about this earlier.

Personal

DATE DOLLARITA DUDE: The San Francisco man who went viral for telling a news anchor that he was “slammin’” $1 margaritas at Applebee’s when an earthquake hit said he didn’t expect to become an internet sensation. But with a mustache like that, he had to know.

ISO GF NOT ON SPOTIFY: The Denver Broncos’ PA system played “Shake It Off” after beating the Kansas City Chiefs last Sunday. Devastating that Travis Kelce has to listen to his girlfriend’s worst song at a time like that.

SEEKING VOCAL COACH: Flavor Flav sang the national anthem before a Bucks–Hawks NBA game, and it was pretty much the opposite of what happened when T-Pain showed us his singing voice.

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ARROWPROOF TRUCK: Joe Rogan shot the side of a Cybertruck with a compound bow, and the arrow only dented the exterior. Tesla has officially made Robin Hood obsolete.

TSWIFT TENT—USED: Some fans have been camping near a Buenos Aires stadium for five months to ensure they’ll get front-row seats for Taylor Swift’s stop in Argentina on her tour. “Cruel Summer” will hit hard.—MM

Here are some illuminating scientific discoveries from the week to help you live better and maybe even reproduce in space.

Modified mosquitoes could eliminate dengue. Dengue infection rates among mosquitoes in three densely populated cities in Colombia have dropped by 94%–97% from a decade before, thanks to the World Mosquito Program’s release of Aedes aegypti mosquitoes infected with a bacteria that helps prevent disease transmission. Since the release of the modified mosquitoes, there have been no large dengue outbreaks among the human populations in those areas. The Wolbachia bacteria gets inherited by offspring, so researchers hope their special skeeters will breed with wild ones to produce a population resistant to dengue, and maybe Zika too.

Mouse embryos just grew in space. For the first time, astronauts have successfully developed mouse embryos while onboard the International Space Station, an indication that bigger mammals (us) may also be able to reproduce off-Earth. The Japanese scientists who spearheaded the research sent 720 frozen two-cell mouse embryos to the ISS, and 23.6% of them kept growing successfully. While that figure was lower than the 61.2% control rate back on Earth, the researchers said “gravity had no significant effect” on embryo development, which means we may be one step closer to living—and multiplying—on other planets.

The great dino killer might have been...dust. Turns out the dinosaurs may not have gone out with a bang, but with a slow suffocation. A new analysis of prehistoric particles in what’s now North Dakota indicates that the huge meteor that hit Earth sent trillions of tons of soot and sulfur into the air, blocking out the sun and shutting down photosynthesis for almost two years. The mass extinction of the dinosaurs was often thought to have resulted from the meteor’s explosive impact, but scientists now argue that the dusty aftermath played a pivotal role in wiping out 75% of species living 66 million years ago.—ML

In this section, we typically present a thorny issue and lend an ear to both sides of the debate… but not this Sunday. As most of America adapts to the clock getting shifted an hour back today, we’re taking a stand: Stop messing with time!

While you may have enjoyed the extra slumber this morning, just about everyone—including sleep doctors, industry groups, lawmakers, and/or anyone with a dog or small child—agrees that the biannual change to and from daylight saving time (DST) is annoying at best and incredibly disruptive at worst.

• Science tells us the time changes harm humans, with studies showing a rise in health issues, car accidents, and even stock market losses in the days and weeks that follow.
• A YouGov survey from last March of 1,000 Americans found that 62% want to eliminate changing the clocks.

OK, our original stance wasn’t all that controversial. So, we’re ready to go all-in with another: It’s time to abolish DST once and for all.

Who wants DST all the time anyway?

Lawmakers mostly. It appears that if we’re not going to change the clocks, the government prefers darker mornings and brighter evenings.

• The US Senate last year voted unanimously to ditch the switch and have the country run on DST permanently, but its counterpart bill in the House stalled out.
• Earlier this year, Senator Marco Rubio reintroduced the bill, known as the Sunshine Protection Act. Rubio has been a longtime supporter of the measure, claiming that changing the clocks twice a year is “stupid.”
• Nineteen states have passed legislation or resolutions to make daylight saving time permanent if Congress agrees.

Their enthusiasm hearkens back to a founding father…sort of: Benjamin Franklin is often erroneously credited with supplying the inspo for DST. While he never said anything about setting clocks an hour forward every spring, he did satirically advocate for cannons to rouse the Parisian citizenry closer to dawn so that people could save candles courtesy of the bonus sunlight time in the evening. The real origins are less colorful: The US and other industrial nations instituted DST during World War I to conserve energy.

DST has support outside of the government. Many retailers say DST benefits them since sunnier evenings can boost after-work foot traffic. Also, the golf industry would stand to benefit.

Other proponents of daylight saving point to evidence that brighter evenings could lead to fewer pedestrian fatalities and less crime. And there’s some proof that more evening sunlight could benefit mental health: A 2017 study from Denmark showed that depressive episodes tend to become more common after clocks get turned back in the fall (but found no change when clocks spring ahead).

So, why shouldn’t we stop changing clocks?

The last time the US tried permanent daylight saving time, it didn’t go well. Following a national experiment in year-round DST in 1974, the US quickly went back to the old ways since many citizens were concerned about their kids going to school on winter mornings that were darker than Mordor.

And those supposed energy-saving benefits? Conflicting data has cast doubt on the idea that less electricity really does get used thanks to DST, given the need for daytime AC in the summer.

But, worst of all, DST messes with your sleep. The American Academy of Sleep Medicine vehemently opposes the Sunshine Protection Act. They advocate for making standard time permanent (for earlier sunrises and sunsets) instead.

• Many sleep specialists worry that switching to DST might disrupt peoples’ circadian rhythm, the standard 24-hour cycle on which the human body functions. They claim that standard time is more in sync with humans’ biological clocks, while dark mornings make it difficult for folks to wake up.
• And they warn that disrupted sleep cycles are linked to obesity, heart disease, and diabetes.

Making DST permanent rather than embracing standard time as the year-round clock setting would have the biggest effect on Northern states, where winter mornings are darker. It would also mean a particularly late dawn in western parts of each time zone. It’s doubtful that residents of Seattle and Indianapolis are ready for their latest sunrises of the year to occur at 8:57am and 9:06am, respectively, according to data analyzed by the Washington Post.

Many Americans already live in standard time 12 months a year: Hawaii, several US territories, and most of Arizona have abandoned daylight savings time. Have we convinced you that the rest of us should join them?—SK

Meal prep: Add any roasted veggies to this creamy polenta recipe for an easy dinner.

Follow: Deville has been on a mission to draw everyone they’ve ever met.

Wear: Smiley face socks that are plush and hold up well through wear and tear.

Listen: From Troye Sivan’s newest album, check out “One Of Your Girls” if you’re feeling moody and “Rush” if you’re feeling spunky.

Watch: Sofia Coppola’s new film, Priscilla, tells the story of the woman who stood behind the king of rock ‘n’ roll.

Lounge: Peep this ultrasoft long-sleeve shirt for winter days.

Investor insights: Get the latest scoop on the ever-evolving markets straight from finance industry leaders at Yahoo! Finance Invest. Join virtually on Nov. 7. Sponsored by tastytrade.*

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It’s a big world out there. In this section, we’ll teleport you to an interesting location—and hopefully give you travel ideas in the process.

The New York City Marathon—held the first Sunday in November—is a rare opportunity to be a tourist in New York at a time when standing around and blocking sidewalk traffic won’t lead to a, “Hey, I’m walkin’ here!”—because the locals are doing the same thing.

There’s an easy, free, and fun way to show your support for the more than 50,000 participants, some of whom are running competitively, some of whom are running recreationally, and some of whom are running solely for the post-race photo they can add to their dating profile.

Pull up a chair and cheer on runners as they pass. Bring a thermos, a humorous sign, and your vocal cords, and shout encouragement to the runners, who will appreciate the energy. The New York Road Runners, which organizes the marathon, recommended some on-course viewing locations.

Who knows what you may see, as the world’s largest marathon never lacks interesting moments.

• Some runners try to complete the “5 Boroughs, 5 Beers” challenge, which is exactly what it sounds like—as the race passes through the NYC boroughs, the runner drinks a beer in each.
• Speaking of hydration, there are 1,500 public toilets at the start of the race, with more between miles three through 25. Best wishes to anyone feeling the call of nature a half-mile into the race.
• As runners get hot, the clothes come off. In last year’s steamy race, 10 tons of discarded clothing were donated to charity.

While it’s too late to enter the race this year (it’s probably underway as you read this), a drawing for 2024 will be held in February and is one of several ways to gain entry. And if you don’t get in, which is likely, there’s nothing stopping you from joining the party as a cheerleader.

Last week, we asked: You’ve been chosen to live in one of the first communities on the moon. The Space Force commander has said that, aside from essentials like food, water, or medical supplies, you can bring three things from Earth. What are you bringing?

Here are our favorite responses:

• “A string of white lights, that kind of atmosphere is always needed; a jump rope, because finding a good running route on the moon may be tough; and high-powered binoculars, so I can finally look into that galaxy far, far away.”—Eric from Gig Harbor, WA
• “3 corgis.”—Heidi from Salt Lake City, UT
• “An air fryer, lifetime supply of hair ties, and my reusable boba tea straw.”—Paige from Virginia
• “A case of beer, a carton of cigarettes, and Skynyrd on vinyl.”—Sammy from Alabama
• “An electric dirt bike to do sick jumps, a case of Annie’s mac and cheese, and a Nintendo Switch with Mario Kart to have fun with the boys.”—Luke from Redmond, OR
• “A 6-iron, a golf ball, and an iPhone 14.”—Jim from Williamsburg, VA
• “My ’32 Ford, Sam Adams Octoberfest, Taylor Swift.”—Lynn

This week’s question

If you had to invest your entire life savings into one private company, what would it be?

Neal’s answer to get the juices flowing: “Kim Kardashian’s Skims is a rocket ship.”

Share your response here.