New podcast season

The new season of my podcast Kind of a Lot with Matt Ruby launched today. And lookie here, we added video!

Of course, you can still get the audio version wherever you pod too.

Kind of a Lot with Matt Ruby Stereoactive Media Podcast

The show is produced by Stereoactive Media, which is now offering production services priced for independent producers and projects. Highly recommended!

Now let’s get to it…

Enter the funnel

Beware! The monetizers are coming for you.

The flywheel hustlers, sales funnel freaks, and earnings calculator con men. The finpod hosts who preach passive income and the long-form sales page authors delivering “My story™️.” The coaches who coach coaches. The AG1 drinkers, supplement sellers, and TikTok dwellers.

They’re here to help! Just one thing though: They need money. They always need money. Their lives are amazing and they’re wildly successful, yet somehow they still need your $79.99.

All I’ve got to say is: C’mon, son.

I will not cohort

Do I want to be healthy? Sure. Do I want to get better at ______? Of course.

But here’s what I don’t want…

• I don't want to buy a digital course.

• I don’t want to join an online community.

• I don't want to dial in to a group Zoom.

• I don't want to be part of a cohort.

In fact, I don’t even know what a cohort means. I lived for decades never hearing the word “cohort.” Why the hell are there so many damn cohorts now!?

The nine most terrifying words in the English language (updated): “I'm from the internet and I'm here to help.”

Look, I know how I’m supposed to feel when the monetizers pitch:

Your approach is radical and will transform me. And I need to be part of your inner circle. A once-a-month Hangout? Ooh la la! Of course I’ll need the full slide deck plus an invite to the private Slack group.

I’m sure your techniques are foolproof. I mean, look at those testimonials. Yes, lemme download those workbooks. Gimme those templates. The personal dashboard sounds so damn personal. Bring on the community forum since it’s sure to be an immersive group experience. Immerse me!

Oh, are the spaces about to sell out? Only a handful remain? Ya don’t say! And you’ve temporarily lowered the price? And you’re even throwing in a live webinar and access to the archives! Phew, I’m overwhelmed by this opportunity.

But actually, this is how I feel:

Because all of that is still ME, ALONE, STARING AT SCREEN. And truthfully, that is the problem.

Trees vs. forest

Because we don’t need an excuse to spend more time online. What humanity needs is to be in actual rooms, making actual eye contact, and having actual interactions. Body language > Pixels.

It’s what we crave on a primal level: to come together and decipher something with others in real time. We want a book club, prayer circle, yoga class, improv show, live concert, DJ set, or anything else that reminds us what it’s like to sit around a fire and trade stories with each other.

That’s when our nervous systems align and harmonize. It’s when we realize we’re not alone. We stop being trees and start being a forest.

I don’t need a buzzy book to tell me social media is resulting in an epidemic of mental illness for kids because, well, I have eyes. The crazy part is we’re still pretending it’s just a children’s issue and the adults are doing fine. It’s like reading, “Smoking is bad for kids. But once you turn 18, light ‘em up!”

That we can’t turn away from our screens is fueling so many societal ills (see: loneliness epidemic, mental health crisis, Mr. Beast, etc.). Our synapses keep firing while our souls keep sinking.

We’re isolated, lonely, and anxious largely because we don’t leave the house and interact with any non-family members besides our baristas. The only thing Brave New World got wrong was thinking we’d have to go somewhere to get our fix when, in reality, the feelies come to us.

Courseworked up

And that’s why my inbox filling up with all these course offerings is so annoying (especially the ones that claim to tackle mental health issues). It’s the same beef I have with BetterHelp and other online therapy offerings: It feels like more poison disguised as antidote.

Just like the revolution will not be televised, the solution to screen addiction will not be delivered via smartphone or laptop. Trying to heal extreme onlineness by being online even more is like holding an AA meeting inside a brewery.

More and more, it feels like the internet is trying to make us live the lives of shut-ins. “Wouldn’t it be great if you could do _______ without having to go anywhere?” Not really. I mean, if you can’t leave the house, by all means strap on those goggles and VR it up. But the rest of us should fight back against the isolation our tech overlords keep shepherding us towards.

Someone needs to stick up for IRL. I want a therapist who actually sits across from me. I want a religious service where we pray in the same space. I want a lover who won’t drive me crazy (and is also, y’know, capable of actually touching me).

More than the chips

Back to the courses: Don’t get me wrong, I love learning. But let’s not ignore the context of where you learn. As physics professor Rhett Allain explains, “You can learn everything online except for the things you can't.”

College is like a chocolate chip cookie, and courses—online or not—are the chocolate chips.

The cookie is the on-campus experience. College is not just about the chocolate chips. It's about all of that stuff that holds the chips together. College is more than a collection of classes. It's the experience of living away from home. It's the cookie dough of relationships with other humans and even faculty. College can be about clubs and other student groups. It's about studying with your peers. College is the whole cookie.

You can't get this whole cookie online; you only get the chips.

I just want these coursemongers to stop selling me the chips and acting like it’s a cookie. Because I want the dough too. I want the stuff that holds us all together.

And you can learn all about that in my new course: Baking Cookies for Curmudgeons. It’s only $49.99 and comes with a full slide deck and downloadable workbook. But act fast, only a few spots remain! 😜🍪

Comedy

🃏 Come see me on my BIG IF TRUE tour coming to Austin, Houston, Denver, NOLA, DC and dates in Europe too (Belgium, Holland, & Luxembourg). Ticket info here.

🃏 NYC? I’ll be taping a special on April 21 at NY Comedy Club (promo code SHINEON). If ya come to just one show this year, it’s the one to see. And this week I’ll be at GOOD EGGS (Wed 4/3 - promo code SCRAMBLED).

🃏 More jokes, info, and clips of my standup at my socialz: Instagram, TikTok, Threads, and YouTube.

🃏 My other newsletter is Funny How: Letters to a Young Comedian. It’s great for comedy nerds or anyone else who cares about the craft of standup.

Quickies

🎯 How do comedians feel about April Fool's Day? The same way alcoholics feel about New Year's Eve.

🎯 Trust the 🐙:

🎯 "I would not recommend doing ketamine recreationally or outside a therapeutic environment." I get it. But also: People who can't afford to pay $5K+ for medicine are probably the ones who need it most. Nothing screws with your mind as much as being broke.

🎯 “Settled science” is a funny term since science is based on constantly questioning itself. Think back to the “settled science” from a few centuries ago…how did that go for ‘em?

🎯 I don't like that Geico is putting the caveman and the gecko in the same ad. Worlds are colliding!

🎯 You see, that is just like you Henry. You say things like that and you make it impossible for me to hate you. And I hate you, Henry...

🎯 CBGBOB/GYN - punk rock gynecologist (“All you need is three periods and the truth”)

🎯 I tell the truth. It’s not because I'm noble, though. The truth is I'm just too lazy to lie.

🎯 The real question nowadays: Do you want your media captured by corporations or by its own audience?

🎯 When you get rid of the industry, artists inevitably wind up becoming more like the industry. That’s how capitalism works.

🎯 One thing I know about guys who pay for blue checks on X who have less than 500 followers is they really disapprove of "hit pieces" from the "MSM."

🎯 It’s quite possible the best PR move around these days is getting “cancelled”...
Accusations ➡️ "Who is that guy?" ➡️ New follower

🎯 Dems: The party of smash and grab
Republicans: The party of cash and grab (‘em by the p*ssy)

🎯 Hi! Bridge engineer here:

5-spotted

🗯️ Hollywood filmmaker Ed Zwick complains about streaming:

There are certain things that I see in streaming that do bother me. The decision that, say, a streaming show has to lead toward a cliffhanger every week so as to make you want to gorge and stand by for the next [one]…I think that is a commercial decision rather than an artistic decision. I think it limits, at times, what the effects of storytelling can be because instead of having some of the classical unities of conclusion and catharsis and denouement, instead you have this thing that makes you anxious at the end.

🗯️ A metaphor for art from Kaveh Akbar's book Martyr!

Centuries ago, Iranian explorers traveled to France and Italy where they witnessed, for the first time, mirrors.

They returned to Iran and told the Shah of these magnificent pieces of glass that showed a man his own image. Intrigued, the Shah demanded they purchase as many as they could get their hands on.

These explorers did as the Shah asked, spending a small fortune on every mirror they could find in Europe.

Unfortunately, by the time the mirrors arrived at the Shah's doorstep, they were in billions of tiny pieces.

It was here where the Shah did something extraordinary.

He saw there was something beautiful that could be made of the broken pieces and asked his artists to construct breath-taking mosaics, tombs and shrines out of the shards.

I have yet to find a better metaphor for art.

🗯️ What to do with your life according to Julian Shapiro. In it, he talks about how dreams and momentum can derail you.

Or perhaps—like me—you'll realize you've chased an outdated dream. That's the tragedy: Without self-reflection, we ride the momentum of whatever we're already doing and whatever we stumble across. This means we work on the wrong things by default, because our core values shift over time and they're often not what they used to be…

Here's what I believe: Becoming very rich is appealing to people who've never actually achieved fulfillment. Had they felt and internalized the joy of Knowledge or Adventure, they'd shortcut to optimizing for that end goal instead.

🗯️ Things that don't work. #10: Expecting people to follow written instructions.

Expecting people to follow written instructions. Sufficiently motivated people will climb any mountain and walk over any length of broken glass. But in most situations, if you send most people written instructions, they simply will not follow them and quite possibly will not even read them. This is true even when instructions are simple and stakes are high, like taking medication.

🗯️ Eric Jorgenson: How To Write a Book People Can’t Stop Recommending.

If you want readers to recommend (sell) your book for you… make your book finishable.

Shorten it. Tighten it. Simplify it. Accelerate it.

Make them wish it was longer. Leave them to yearn for your next book.

If you work on crafting a book people are eager to finish, you already may have something approaching unique or excellent.

I’m sure the same is true with newsletters. So why the hell do I make this thing so damn long? Hmm.

But hey, you finished it. So go ahead and fwd it to a friend or share online if ya enjoyed…

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Rock on,
Matt ✌️