Filling in the blanks

The question colleges are asking right now: What makes a protest anti-semitic?

Well, here’s a good test: Take out Zionists/Jews/etc. from the statement in question, replace it with black or trans people, and see how that’d go over.

Example (from one of the protest leaders at Columbia): “I feel very comfortable calling for _____ to die. Be grateful that I’m not just going out and murdering ______.”

Fill the blanks with another minority group and it sounds like a Klan member. It’s hypocrital to argue it’s okay to target “Zionists” yet problematic if it’s anyone else.

Just imagine if those university Presidents testifying in front of Congress were asked, “Does calling for the murder of LGBTQ people violate your rules on bullying and harassment?" I doubt any would have given their “it depends on the context” dodges.

Or take this Ilhan Omar quote (bold emphasis mine):

In her remarks at Columbia, Ms. Omar said that it was “really unfortunate that people don’t care about the fact that all Jewish kids should be kept safe, and that we should not have to tolerate antisemitism or bigotry for all Jewish students, whether they are pro-genocide or anti-genocide.”

Oh man, she was doing so good until the kicker. That turned it into a chef’s kiss of hostility disguised as tolerance. Because no one is “pro-genocide.” Thinking everyone just blindly agrees with your definition of genocide is the first sign you’re trapped in an ideological/algorithmic bubble.

Let’s bring the Hate Speech Mad Libs approach to Omar’s statement and make it about trans people instead...

“It’s really unfortunate that people don’t care about the fact that all trans kids should be kept safe, and that we should not have to tolerate transphobia or bigotry for all trans students, whether they are pro-genital mutilation or anti-genital mutilation.”

Waaaaaait a minute. You get the point.

That’s the thing about anti-semitism: It’s so damn sneaky!

“Ready for my closeup”
And have you noticed how much all protests now are just a bunch of people filming each other? We all know reality TV is BS, yet somehow we think these circus environments where hundreds of people film each other is some kinda actuality. It’s scary how much we' now live in a never-ending photo op where the wildest version of performative morality gets our culture’s ultimate reward: engagement.

Idea: Instead of sending in the cops, administrators should force protestors to lock up their phones in those Yondr pouches. The loss of steam would be palpable. After all, if a tree falls in the forest and there’s no TikToker to capture the moment, did it even happen?

(Normal caveats here: Dead babies suck and the loss of innocent lives is tragic. Hamas is evil and October 7th was barbaric. Netanyahu and his extremist kook allies have to go. You can protest Israel without being anti-semitic. I have no idea if any of this will truly make Israel safer. Ceasefire now? Sure, but Israel keeps proposing ceasefires that Hamas refuses so, um, yeah. It’s all complicated and blind tribalists on both sides are indulging in lazy thinking that ignores nuance. Ideally, everyone would have to pass a test on the history of the region before being allowed to spout off about it. It’s exhausting having to explain all this over and over. Blah blah blah.)

Guess I’ve got mixed feelings about it all. See, I’m a longtime fan of kids flipping the bird at olds. After all, I come from rock ‘n roll. I like sticking it to The Man. And the same way the ACLU defended the N@zis right to march in Skokie, these kids should be allowed to peacefully protest.

But also, I’m a Jew. And my spidey sense tells me anti-Zionist anger frequently comes with a chaser of Jew-hate. Columbia students chanting “Globalize the Intifada” and “From the River to the Sea” en masse may not completely understand what they’re implying – but I’m doubtful it’s a rejection of the violent brutality they purport to oppose. I hate the safetyism that dominates society nowadays…but also, I’d just like to feel slightly more confident we’re no witnessing some sorta precursor to Kristallnacht 2.0.

The big beef I hear from Jews is how the normal rules don’t seem to apply to us. There always seems to be a double standard.

And here’s a basic disconnect that keeps popping up: All these people calling Jews "colonizers" from somewhere else while every story Jews have ever read, holiday we've celebrated, and prayer we've recited tells us we're from Israel. We are running different programs. (Also, it’s worth noting real colonizers can go back to their home country. Belgians could leave the Congo and go back to Belgium, y’know?)

The soil of social media
Gen Z somehow went straight from elementary school to disgruntled curmudgeons. How much of that is the result of spending their lives on social media? There, brain stems get fracked, charisma passes for expertise, volume equals wisdom, the least social among us rule, and rage is the path to profit. Given that soil, it’s no wonder tainted flowers are blooming.

My (naive) fantasy is to someday see kids protesting the way predatory capitalism mixed with the attention economy has ruined society (and their minds) instead of protesting the issue that predatory capitalism mixed with the attention economy has elevated as the ideal way to maximize Time Spent on App™️.

I keep thinking about this sunbathing student at Columbia ignoring the nearby protestors:

Made me wonder: Do college kids still play hacky sack anymore? Maybe that’d help. Y’know, college stuff: Throw a frisbee in the quad, storm the court after a big win, go to a kegger, dance with a stranger, experience youth while you’re still young, etc. Sadly, it feels like all that is barely on the radar for many kids nowadays.

I’m also curious how much all this campus meshugas is the result of nothing being cool anymore. No one is cool. In fact, there isn't even a notion in society of cool or uncool. So young people wind up mistaking politics for cool. That’s a shame.

I say bring back James Dean, smoking cigs behind the dumpster, real musical instruments, and screwing. These poor kids got drunk on T. Swift, vaping, disorders, EDM, and comment sections – and failed to realize they never got drunk at all.

Heck, they’re even upset that another graduation might be ruined.

I get it, but is there anything more overrated than graduations? I don’t even remember mine.

Here’s a commencement workaround: Just put on a bath robe, throw a hat in the air, stick a piece of paper in a drawer, never look at it again, and then dive into the real world.

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Quickies

🎯 Used to be you weren’t supposed to agree with the news.

🎯 Every relationship has the blanket taker and the blanket takee. Screw separate bathrooms, the key to a successful relationship is separate blankets.

🎯 We all hate every NBA playoffs commercial already and it's *only Game 5 of the first round*. Lord help us when we're watching Buffalo Wild Wings tryna get us say "Bdubs go" for the 283,428th time.

🎯 A woman used to recover from a breakup by getting bangs. Now, she freezes her eggs.

🎯 Cheesecake is a classic "shouldn't work but it does.”

🎯 Uber should give you an option where it’s one of those cars that bounces like you’re in a Dr. Dre video.

🎯 Well played, NOLA:

🎯 AI so far: Everyone in charge wants to use it to save money, yet no one actually wants to consume anything it produces.

🎯 Tip: Never take seriously any human being who speaks publicly for over 5 hours a week. They are filling air time, not dispensing wisdom.

🎯 One thing I hate about myself is how much I think social media matters. One thing I hate about our culture is how much I’m right.

🎯 My type is white women who say ashwaganda a lot and don’t really like me.

🎯 Most modern art is just a prank in a way.

Comedy

🃏 More jokes, info, and clips of my standup via my social media: Instagram, TikTok, Threads, and YouTube.

🃏 Tickets and tour dates.

🃏 My other newsletter is Funny How: Letters to a Young Comedian. It’s filled with tips on doing standup from comedy legends.

🃏 You can listen to my podcast: Kind of a Lot with Matt Ruby.

5-spotted

🗯️ 101 Additional Advices from Kevin Kelley.

• Every now and then throw a memorable party. The price will be steep, but long afterwards you will remember the party, whereas you won’t remember how much is in your checking account.

• Most arguments are not really about the argument, so most arguments can’t be won by arguing.

• The surest way to be successful is to invent your own definition of success. Shoot your arrows first and then paint a bull’s eye around where they land. You’re the winner!

🗯️ Physicist Richard Feynman hated honors:

I don’t like honors. I’m appreciated for the work that I did, and for people who appreciate it, and I notice that other physicists use my work. I don’t need anything else. I don’t think there’s any sense to anything else. I don’t see that it makes any point that someone in the Swedish Academy decides that this work is noble enough to receive a prize. I’ve already got the prize. The prize is the pleasure of finding the thing out, the kick in the discovery, the observation that other people use it. Those are the real things.

🗯️ Why young men and women are drifting apart. [The Economist]

What is going on? The most likely causes of this growing division are education (young men are getting less of it than young women), experience (advanced countries have become less sexist, and men and women experience this differently) and echo chambers (social media aggravate polarisation). Also, in democracies, many politicians on the right are deftly stoking young male grievances, while many on the left barely acknowledge that young men have real problems.

🗯️ Ezra Klein: Happy 20th Anniversary, Gmail. I’m Sorry I’m Leaving You.

I have thousands of photos of my children but few that I’ve set aside to revisit. I have records of virtually every text I’ve sent since I was in college but no idea how to find the ones that meant something. I spent years blasting my thoughts to millions of people on X and Facebook even as I fell behind on correspondence with dear friends. I have stored everything and saved nothing…I don’t want my digital life to be one shame closet after another. A new metaphor has taken hold for me: I want it to be a garden I tend, snipping back the weeds and nourishing the plants.

🗯️ Hans Zimmer: Hollywood Rebel (now streaming on Netflix).

Life isn't as long as you think it is. You have a choice: You can go and try to live a playful life, or you can go and live a life which excludes playfulness. And it doesn't get you anywhere. Playfulness gets you somewhere.

Thanks for reading.

-Matt