What A Day: Melania-collie and the infinite sadness

Monday, April 27, 2020
BY SARAH LAZARUS & CROOKED MEDIA

-Mark Meadows's "biggest concern" as this guy's chief of staff

Several more states will begin phasing out social distancing guidelines this week, without the mass testing capacity or contract tracing measures in place that health experts say are necessary for that not to be a terrible plan. 
 

  • Joe Biden and his public-health committee have released a lengthy memo calling on the Trump administration to vastly expand testing. Biden’s proposals include a pandemic-testing board, a public-health jobs corps of 100,000 people to help with testing and contact tracing, and a plan to bring colleges and universities into closer collaboration on their coronavirus research. Dr. Deborah Birx said on Sunday that Americans should expect that social distancing will continue through the summer, but she may wanna say it a little louder for all the Southern Californians who spent the weekend crowding onto beaches
     
  • The World Health Organization warned that there’s not yet enough clinical evidence that coronavirus antibodies indicate immunity, in response to governments’ proposals to issue “immunity passports” to people who have already fought off the coronavirus. That simply means that no peer-reviewed study has yet established how much protection those antibodies confer, or for how long. A growing number of patients in South Korea and China have tested positive for COVID-19 for a second time after seemingly recovering, which could point to a few things: A second infection (which most experts don’t think is the case), a reactivation of the virus already in the body, or a problem with test sensitivity. Relapsed patients seem to either have no symptoms or mild ones, and there are no reports of transmission from those cases. All that is to say, there’s no hard evidence that coronavirus antibodies don’t confer immunity, either. 
     
  • The White House waffled on whether President Trump would hold a briefing today, after he took the weekend off amid Republican concerns that the president telling America it could be wise to inject poisons into human lungs might tank the party’s election chances in November. (Governors from both parties said that since Trump mused about the healing powers of disinfectants, their states’ poison-control hotlines had seen surges in calls from people wondering if it is, indeed, a good idea to mainline bleach). In lieu of a press briefing on Sunday, Trump spent his wife’s birthday in a breathtaking Twitter meltdown during which he confused the Pulitzer Prize for the Nobel Prize, confused the word Nobel for “Noble”, deleted the whole thread, and claimed it was all sarcasm. Also on Sunday, more than 1,000 Americans died from coronavirus.

The Small Business Administration has begun processing applications for the new round of Payroll Protection Program funding, sort of.
 

  • Less than an hour after the website began taking requests for the additional $310 billion in emergency aid, it was flooded with traffic and promptly crashed. That’s just one in a string of frustrations for small businesses seeking loans: While the government isn’t disclosing which companies received aid in the first round of the program, a New York Times investigation found that at least a dozen publicly traded companies had bragged about their financial security before applying for and receiving loans, and at least seven large companies with pre-existing financial problems, or recent run-ins with federal law, received millions of dollars.
     
  • Both chambers of Congress are set to return on Monday, May 4 to advance the next coronavirus relief bill. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi confirmed that Democrats will push for safe voting provisions, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell said he’ll insist on liability protections for business owners who drag their employees back to work before it’s safe, and Trump has taken up Mitch McConnell’s “blue state bailout” rhetoric, signaling he and congressional Republicans will oppose making states and cities whose budgets have been upended by pandemic relief whole, or that they will seek concessions from Democrats in return for aid to states. 
     

As Joe Biden wrote in his memo, “we are now several months into this crisis, and this administration refuses to own up to the original sin of its failed response –- the failure to test.” The need for restrictive lockdowns and the corresponding economic damage all stem from that initial failure, and as Trump kicks up a dust storm of confusion with his briefings and tweets, remember the simple question he’s trying very hard not to answer: Where are the tests?

Big news! Crooked has a new podcast! We teamed up with Pineapple Street Studios and Spotify to bring you Wind of Change—an original series hosted by investigative journalist Patrick Radden Keefe.

The show starts with Patrick hearing a rumor from someone inside the CIA, claiming that “Wind of Change”—the power ballad by the Scorpions, and a symbol for the end of the Cold War—was actually written by the CIA.

This is Patrick's journey to find the truth—told through interviews with former CIA officers, reporting in four different countries and a 10 year investigation that traces the history of our government's meddling into pop music

The trailer is out now. Follow Wind of Change on Spotify to binge all eight episodes on May 11, or subscribe anywhere you listen to podcasts  →

The Agriculture Department has allowed millions of pounds of produce to rot in the fields, while food banks see demand surge. USDA took over a month to respond to repeated pleas to buy up surplus fruits and vegetables, with disastrous consequences on two fronts: Farmers lost billions of dollars in revenue, while food banks struggled to feed millions of newly unemployed Americans. As lockdowns across the country shut down restaurants and other food-service businesses in March, several produce groups wrote to USDA with an urgent request to buy up perishable food; they received no response, and many growers had no choice but to trash their excess crops on a staggering scale. A handful of states tried to match surplus food with local food banks, but the high volumes needed national distribution to make a meaningful dent. The department has announced a new aid package to buy up products, but many growers say it’s too little, too late.

A New Yorker reporter spent a month investigating why Seattle and New York City faced such different coronavirus outbreaks, and the result is well worth a read. Charles Duhigg found that Seattle’s response closely followed the longtime guidelines of a CDC program called the Epidemic Intelligence Service (EIS), while New York’s did not. The two outbreaks emerged at roughly the same time, but by the second week of April, Washington state had roughly one recorded death per 14,000 residents, while New York's fatality rate was almost six times higher. The fundamental difference was that Seattle’s leaders moved quickly to turn communications over to scientists, and persuade people to follow scientists’ advice. New York leaders allowed political voices to take center stage, resulting in muddier messaging as politicians squabbled, and a slower implementation of social-distancing restrictions.

The CDC was following the same EIS protocols while the virus raged overseas, but those communications principles were tossed aside at the federal level when the White House took over. New York and Seattle are a case study in just how much damage the resulting confusion can do, and now it’s being done on a nationwide scale.

Looking for the perfect way to pass the time while sheltering in place? How about all the TV you can watch, from the networks you love, for a fraction of the price of cable? 

Meet Philo.

Philo was created by a group of people that wanted to make a better way to watch TV--with the content and features you care about, and at a price that fits your budget. Now, more than ever, Philo believes great TV should be accessible to everyone.

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Save all your favorite shows to Philo's unlimited DVR, and watch them whenever you want, on your TV, phone, laptop or tablet, on up to 3 multiple streams. Philo is cord-free, commitment-free, and hassle-free TV for everyone. Getting started takes seconds, and as a special offer, get 25% off your first two months. Sign up at philo.tv/crooked  → 

New York City will distribute 500,000 free halal meals to Muslims during Ramadan.

Los Angeles County will also soon be able to decontaminate more than 30,000 N95 masks per day, and Gov. Gavin Newsom (D-CA) said California is weeks away, not months away, from meaningful changes to its stay-at-home order (as long as doofuses quit frolicking on the beach).

The cast of Parks and Recreation will reunite for a half-hour special on April 30, to benefit Feeding America.

New Zealand says it has successfully eliminated community spread of the coronavirus, and will continue some social distancing measures to keep it that way. Imagine!

. . . . . .


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What A Day: Lysol the President's Men

Saturday, April 25, 2020

A flawless day. No notes! Friday, April 24, 2020 BY SARAH LAZARUS & CROOKED MEDIA -Nancy Pelosi, more or less condensing this newsletter into 12 words The official US coronavirus death toll

What A Day: Curious, Georgia

Friday, April 24, 2020

The BMX bikes are back. Nature is healing. Thursday, April 23, 2020 BY SARAH LAZARUS & CROOKED MEDIA -Stephen Moore, economic advisor to the president and grown man More than 4.4 million Americans

What A Day: Azar-y state of affairs

Thursday, April 23, 2020

The plague mask's a little on the nose. Wednesday, April 22, 2020 BY SARAH LAZARUS & CROOKED MEDIA -Deep Thoughts by Mark Warner channeling his inner Jack Handey The Trump administration

What A Day: Bye-droxychloroquine

Wednesday, April 22, 2020

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What A Day: Crude awakening

Tuesday, April 21, 2020

The world's your oilster. Monday, April 20, 2020 BY SARAH LAZARUS & CROOKED MEDIA -The Last Dance's chyron for Former Columbia Student Barack Obama Over 40000 Americans have now died from

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