Crooked Media - What A Day: You Dirty DOGE

BY MATT BERG
& CROOKED MEDIA

THURSDAY
MARCH 13, 2025

Universal revulsion.”

— Yale business professor Jeffrey Sonnefeld, on top CEOs' secret feelings about Trump's economic policies

SHUTDOWN SHOWDOWN

Will a federal shutdown supercharge Elon Musk’s anti-government chainsaw? Some insiders fear that it might.

This shutdown shit is confusing, so here’s the quick and dirty: Senate Republicans need a handful of Democrats to pass a funding bill to keep the government open. Many Senate Democrats publicly oppose the bill, which House Republicans narrowly approved in a party-line vote. (Privately, some Senate Democrats say they may cave to MAGA to keep the government open.) The deadline is tomorrow night, and no one knows for sure what’s going to happen.

In a shutdown, most federal workers won’t be able to work. That could create big opportunities for Elon Musk’s Department of Government Efficiency to sow chaos without any responsible, full-time government officials around to stop them. “With the staff gone, what’s to stop the bros from running amok?” an employee at the Department of Housing and Urban Development told What A Day.

Anxiety is sky-high inside the what’s left of the Education Department, which lost half its staff this week. “Folks are definitely struggling to read the tea leaves on this one,” an Education official told me. About 2,200 people were fired — and they’ve been given until next week to pass their responsibilities onto remaining staff, the official explained. But if the government shuts down, there would be no staff working… so TBD on how that would go!

Social Security payments don’t stop during a shutdown — but some workers who help run the agency may not be allowed to work. That could pose issues: Today, the online system used to schedule in-person appointments crashed, an SSA employee told What A Day. That could be harder to fix if fewer staff are there to help.

But Democrats fear passing the GOP-designed bill will hand a major win to President Donald Trump — and cement DOGE’s power.

The GOP bill would extend funding through September 30. But the details could allow Trump to “reshape spending priorities, eliminate longstanding programs, pick winners and losers, and more,” reads a fact sheet from Sen. Patty Murray (D-WA).

Democrats warn that this bill would smash the guardrails around Musk. “Normally, if you’re a government employee and Congress reaches a deal to avoid a shutdown, you breathe a sigh of relief. In this case, it could mean the end of your job,” former Democratic Rep. Tom Malinowski told What A Day in a phone call this morning.

Reminder: Congress is supposed to have the power of the purse, not the president! Malinowski thinks it would be a big mistake for Democrats to support the GOP bill.“I don’t know why anyone would want to be in Congress — Democrat or Republican — if the institution is reduced to an advisory body” with no power over how Trump spends money, he added.

Federal employees are meeting with therapists to manage the chaos in their lives. “Mine said, ‘It's like you were playing baseball and now the game was switched to football and you’re still trying to play baseball,’” the HUD employee told me.

Callout to readers: Do you think Democrats should vote to keep the government open or not? Why? Send us your thoughts at whataday@crooked.com.

STABLE BUSINESS GENIUS

America’s CEOs are talking smack behind Donald Trump’s back, and it’s making him turn bright orange in the face! Oh no!

On Tuesday, a group of chief executives were meeting at a CEO gathering near the White house when Trump announced that he’d double tariffs on Canadian aluminum and steel. The room erupted in groans and laughter, the Wall Street Journal reports. (The president soon walked back his tariff threat, as he has done repeatedly in recent weeks.)

There was “universal revulsion” against Trump’s economic policies, Jeffrey Sonnenfeld, a professor at the Yale School of Management, told the outlet. When Trump’s not watching, these leaders poke fun at the president’s willy-nilly economic policies. In public, they’re much more careful.

But how long can they withhold their true feelings? This morning, Trump threatened to place a whopping 200 percent tariff on wine, champagne and other alcohol from Europe — blaming the European Union for pledging to place a “nasty” 50 percent tariff on American bourbon.

Business leaders realize that Trump is serious about tariffs, “but the problem they’ve got is that they're being imposed in a very haphazard way — and that’s creating so much instability,” WSJ editor Emma Tucker told Fox News host Maria Bartiromo.

Earlier this week, Trump refused to rule out a recession. That freaked out even business leaders who normally support him. They're now “floundered” as a result, Tucker added.

Trump, apparently, didn’t like her tone. Europe and the Journal’s way of “thinking is antiquated and weak, and very bad for the USA,” Trump ranted on Truth Social this morning. “But have no fear, we will WIN on everything!!! Egg prices are down.”

Hate to break it to you Donnie… but egg prices keep hitting record highs, with a dozen eggs costing an average of $5.90 per carton in cities. That’s up 10.4 percent from last year, and almost an entire dollar more than last month.

Ironically, vaccinating chickens could be the solution to lowering egg prices. Shhh, no one tell HHS Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr.!

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WHAT ELSE?

An aide to Russian dictator Vladimir Putin rejected the U.S.-Ukraine proposal for a 30-day ceasefire in the war. “This is nothing other than a temporary time-out for Ukrainian soldiers,” the negotiator said. Later, Putin said he supports the ceasefire… but not fully. Remember when Donald Trump said he’d end the war on Day 1?

Representatives of Trump’s family have held talks to take a financial stake in Binance, the crypto firm that pleaded guilty after violating anti-money laundering requirements, the Wall Street Journal reports. The American presidency is at truly absurd levels of corruption these days — like an avant garde artist in the medium.

The White House pulled its nominee for director of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention this morning… hours before he was set to testify in front of the Senate. RFK Jr. didn’t believe nominee Dave Weldon was ready, Axios reports. Wow, that’s a really low bar! Impressive.

Elon Musk requested that a massive TV be placed in his office in the Eisenhower Executive Office Building so he can play video games, Politico reports. What an efficient way for the guy, who is all about efficiency, to spend his time!

Gov. Tim Walz (D-MN) and several other Democrats are launching local and national tours of town halls in Republican districts, as GOP lawmakers face public backlash from their own constituents.

The return trip of two astronauts stranded aboard the International Space Station was delayed after SpaceX — the rocket launch company owned by Musk — had a problem with its launchpad. Based on how many problems this company is having, you’d think DOGE is running SpaceX.

Rep. Raúl Grijalva (D-AZ) died following complications with cancer treatment today, his office announced. He was 77 years old.

Living in Washington, D.C. is causing people to grind their teeth more than usual due to, well, everything going on in the nation’s capitol right now, according to local dentists. Anyone wanna let me crash at their places for the next *checks calendar* 1,409 days?

Read: A Dangerous New Supreme Court Case Could Open the Door to Prosecutions for DEI by Crooked’s own Leah Litman, for Slate

THERE'S MORE WHERE THAT CAME FROM

The Trump administration’s assault on government agencies isn’t just bad policy—it’s a betrayal of our nation’s veterans. From gutting VA funding to targeting LGBTQIA+ service members, Republicans are making life harder for veterans who already face an uphill battle.

This week on Assembly Required, Stacey talks to Afghanistan veteran and former Missouri Secretary of State Jason Kander about what real support for veterans should look like — from healthcare to housing. Then, she sits down with transgender Army veteran Laila Ireland to expose how Trump’s dehumanizing policies weaken our military and betray our values. Don’t miss this important conversation — listen to Assembly Required now, wherever you get your podcasts or on YouTube!

A federal judge ordered federal agencies to rehire tens of thousands of probationary employees fired since Donald Trump took office. The judge also accused the Trump administration of hiding information about who directed the firings: “I’m tired of seeing you stonewall on trying to get at the truth,” he said.

A police officer in Florida delivered a pizza for a delivery driver after an 8-foot-long alligator came too close to her drop-off address. “Oh my heavens, there’s a big alligator under my car! Oh my lordy!” a woman can be heard saying in the video, while half the gator’s body peaks out from the sedan. Rest assured, the lady eventually got her slices.

Researchers discovered that narwhals, the “unicorns of the sea,” might use their long tusks for play. Three narwhals were caught on camera chasing a small fish in what looked like a “cat-and-mouse” game, “may be the first recorded evidence of play … in narwhals,” the researchers wrote. Well, that’s adorable.