Girls' Night In - Issue #181: normalize the nopes 🙅‍♀️

Hi ,

Last Sunday, I hatched a plan to safely break free from the city for a few precious hours of fresh air in a sunflower field about 20 miles outside of DC. I had all the details ironed out: I just had to get to the car (masked, of course), drive there, and then I’d be socially distanced, germ-free, and looking at something other than my living room wall. 

That day, the sunflower fields had different plans for me. We arrived and there were cars, people, and general chaos as far as the eye could see. We did not get out of the car. It was an immediate nope. 

You know the nope: the moment you arrive somewhere and it doesn’t feel safe during COVID. To say it’s a letdown would be an understatement — especially if you spent time and energy (both precious resources these days) trying to figure out how to find some temporary joy and relief in all this. In the long-term, you know it’s the right decision. In the short-term, the disappointment is suffocating.

That day, it felt like everybody on social media had found a way to enjoy a piece of summer, while staying safe (I think? I hope?). How did they make it work? Why couldn’t I? I shared my sunflower field fail on Instagram, hoping that I might save someone else the trip an hour outside the city. Then something kind of nifty happened. People started sharing their own NOPES with me — I heard stories of beach days averted, scrapped hikes, u-turns out of the IKEA parking lot, and swift 180s when breweries weren't as distanced as hoped. 

All of a sudden, a space that felt like it was taunting me with picturesque plans and beach vacations became a space for talking about what’s going on behind the scenes: a lot of tough decision-making, boundary-setting, and some disappointment when plans just didn’t work out.

After a while, I compiled the stories into a little thread of experiences called #normalizethenopes, and it made me realize something: For every beach picture or sunflower field you’re scrolling past right now, there are likely countless agonizing decisions or failed plans you’re not seeing. There’s the mental gymnastics we do every time we try to plan a safe activity outside. There's the declined invitations to a small something fun on a Saturday. And there are the big, heart-tugging NOPES, like not being in a friend’s wedding or not being able to meet a loved one’s new baby.

Many of us are up against some serious decision-making fatigue right now, whether we’re turning down plans, moving forward with them, or unable to say nope in a situation that makes us feel unsafe. So how can we speak more transparently about the stress of these decisions? By normalizing the nopes, we open the door to talking more honestly with friends and loved ones about our boundaries and the things that make us uncomfortable. Maybe in the long run, that’s a step in the right direction in how we communicate with our people. 

I’m curious: Have you had a “nope” moment recently (big or small) that you really had to wrestle with? Did you feel like you could talk about it with friends? If so, I want to hear about it — you can reach me by hitting reply, or you can post about it with us on Instagram this weekend. Don't forget to add #normalizethenopes.

In hopes of less canceled plans one day, 
Tyler Calder | @tylerkcalder
Director of Content at GNI