I’ve done it! I’ve officially moved to Shrewsbury and into a gorgeous house that I love. I meant to say last week that this newsletter would likely be late but forgot to mention it. Not only have I been unpacking, cleaning, shifting boxes and sorting all day but I’ve also been to Birmingham this evening for a Guardian article I’m working on. It wasn’t the best timing but also kind of made my new life seem more real.

Ever since lockdown began, people have been asking how my new life in Shropshire has been going but to be honest, it was hard to answer that question firstly – and most obviously – because of lockdown impinging on what I could actually see and do and secondly I have stayed for extended periods at my parents before because I used to teach English abroad and would come home for the summer months and work at a summer school in town while home. So this whole experience has felt a bit like an extended version of that. I really think now is when it will actually sink in that I don’t live in London anymore and that I’m now a resident of my hometown again.

Getting the commission from my editor to do the story in Birmingham felt like validation that my career isn’t actually going to tank by not being in London, which has been a worry for me. And as much as it’s been amazing staying with my parents in a gorgeous little village, it felt pretty sweet to be able to get myself to the train station and to Birmingham and back without having to negotiate lifts into town or be asked what I will do about my tea (what we call dinner in the Midlands).

Last night, after a long day moving, I was sat on a sofa I bought from a charity shop for a tenner (my actual sofa won’t arrive until October so I had to get a stand-in), drinking beer and watching a particularly raunchy episode of Sex and the City (I am rewatching it for research and nostalgia purposes) and I have to admit it felt pretty good. Hello sweet freedom, I thought, oh how I’ve missed you!

The thing is I have actually had a lovely time with my parents. We are definitely closer than we were and that has honestly been a real blessing but it was definitely time to move out and start getting my life together. I know there will be challenges ahead and I’m sure to feel lonely after spending so much time with two others (and a puppy) while stuck in the same house but I also know I’ll get used to it again soon. I wrote in my agony aunt column this week about how to stave off loneliness when you live alone and I think one thing I should have added was one of the best things to do is simply be prepared that it will happen and have some tools up your sleeve for how you’re going to handle it. I know I will experience it and that it might be worse to start with until I settle in but I already have two separate friends popping over this week and am lucky to have two other sets of friends quite literally around the corner. I’m also excited to get back into podcasts and audiobooks and looking forward to experimenting in the kitchen again. Plus a lot of nesting will be happening as I try and make my Pinterest dreams come true! You can follow me over on Instagram if you are interested in that side of things as I’m going to be posting.

The other thing I have been thinking about is how it’s actually OK to lean into letting your parents or friends help you. I have struggled in the past because I have always been so independent and I pride myself on being able to do stuff on my own. But the experience of packing up my flat by myself in the middle of a pandemic is now etched into my brain and I never want to experience doing it alone again. Although it has still been really stressful with a variety of hiccups and setbacks, it’s been amazing to have the help of my parents because there is so much to think about when it comes to moving into a place on your own. So this whole experience from the middle of March to now has been a lesson in realising that living with other people actually isn’t terrible – and relying on others can actually be great.

One thing I have noticed is that I’m starting to feel pressure to start dating now I’ve moved out and lockdown has eased. I really noticed at the start of the pandemic that the pressure I often feel was suddenly relieved and I wasn’t expected to date or talk about my love life. But now it’s starting to creep back in again. I wonder if any of you have noticed that? And the thing is more often than not, it’s actually me just feeling it because of things I see on social media or how friends are handling their post-lockdown love lives rather than people explicitly saying anything to me (although I have had a little of that too).

Anyway, I just want to say a huge thank you to everyone who has wished me luck this week. It’s been great to have your support.

Take care,

Nicola 

Twitter: @TheSingleSupp | Instagram: @TheSingleSupplement

What caught my attention

‘We were sexually frustrated’: did it work out for people who texted an ex in lockdown?

This article goes out to any of you who have texted an ex during the pandemic. I found it an interesting read because I’m fascinated by other people and other people’s relationships. This anecdote made my insides squirm probably because I can imagine one of my exes writing this text. “Reconnecting with exes in lockdown has been a learning curve for many. When one Guardian reader messaged her ex to confess that she’d been dreaming about him, he, after some delay, replied with a less than enthusiastic: ‘Hi, that’s pretty weird. You OK?’”

Young women ‘most likely to suffer depression, anxiety and loneliness in lockdown’

I thought this interesting even though it’s not specifically about being single especially as it comes after a study by the Institute for Fiscal Studies (IFS) that found the pandemic has worsened existing gender inequalities. The article says: “A major UCL report found 19-year-olds were most likely to be experiencing poor mental health during the lockdown – with 30-year-olds being the second most likely to endure this. Researchers who examined the mental health of over 18,000 people aged between 19 and 62 found that women were more likely than men to be experiencing mental health issues across all ages.”

What made me rage

NHS tells fertility patients: Prove you’re in a stable relationship to access IVF

I haven’t done one of these for ages but I had to rage about this. I can’t honestly believe what I am reading here. The article says that women in 24 NHS regions are being barred from access to IVF in a “postcode lottery” for funding that requires them to prove they are in a “stable” relationship. Apparently one of the ways they can do this is by showing they have a joint bank account. Firstly it is frustrating that single women aren’t going to be able to access IVF on the NHS just because of their relationship status and secondly not all couples have joint bank accounts. Many women with partners wisely like to keep some of their financial freedom and that doesn’t mean they aren’t in a stable relationship.

The lowdown

• I’ve launched my brand new agony aunt column which is going out to members midweek and has already had some great feedback. Do consider subscribing if you want to support this newsletter AND get access to exclusive stuff like the new column!

• If you’re interested in writing about your life, Tiffany Philippou and I have our next masterclass on Monday and there are still some tickets left. It’s going to be all about pitching, working with editors and coming up with fresh ideas. I would love to see you there!

  Book your ticket

About me

For those who don’t know, I’m Nicola Slawson, a freelance journalist who lives in Shropshire, UK. If you would like to support what I do, please consider subscribing to be a paid supporter of The Single Supplement. If you would prefer to make a one-off contribution, you can also buy me a coffee, here’s the link to my Ko-Fi page. Follow me on Instagram and Twitter. 

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