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Firstly thank you so much for the birthday wishes and the wonderful emails and messages so many of you sent me about my mental health / potential neurodiversity following last week’s newsletter and hello to my new subscribers! It was by far and away the newsletter with the biggest response in terms of emails/private messages. It meant so much to me and it was powerful for me to see how many related to what I said. I am honestly so grateful and I will have more to say on the topic but I got a bit overwhelmed with all the talking about it that I need a little break so today’s newsletter won’t be part two! I will also put together some resources of things that have helped me so watch this space for that.
Today I want to fulfil a promise I made to put together the ultimate list of films for single women that don’t portray the main characters as desperate or always miserable. I wrote about it in this newsletter and you can find my list there. You may remember that I wanted help finding films which have a leading lady who is single and OK by the end of the film or series. I did actually say I would watch them all but frankly, I haven’t had time but I have made a good start. I have decided to share today because the news is so depressing at the moment and the nights are drawing in so I think we could all se some cosy nights in front of the TV. Plus there’s the whole pandemic not going away so we need some diversionary tactics.
I also didn’t want to hold on to a list of films and not allow you guys to enjoy it because that would just be selfish. What I have decided to do is put your recommendations into the newsletter because some of them were brilliant and made me either laugh or think. I have to say Alien got the most votes and so I’ve included two of the recommendations. Lori’s empathy with the alien is by far my favourite comment on any of these films so thanks Lori for making me smile.
So here goes:
Alien/Aliens
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Perhaps not the kind of movie you had in mind, but the lead character is a badass who never once pines for a boyfriend. You could also look at it from the alien's point of view - a single mom trying to raise her babies in a hostile environment, when a Karen walks in with a flamethrower, calls her a b-word and lays waste to everything she's accomplished.
- Lori
The first Alien film. Sigourney Weaver’s character is single, competent, keeps her cool and slays the monster. I don’t know If Aliens, the sequel, qualifies. She does develop feelings for a man but it’s not your classical romance, and at the beginning of Alien 3 (as in, the first minute) he dies. So the romance is there, in potential, but it stops abruptly curtesy of the space monsters.
- Ingrid
Silence of the Lambs
At the end of the film Clarice is attending her graduation dinner and being feted. While Lecter calls her on the phone he doesn’t plan further intervention in her life. She seems quite happy on her own. I am aware there are sequels that differ but I think the original film stands on its own and I really wish the author had stopped writing after Silence of the Lambs. Hannibal was a rotten book in my opinion.
- Elizabeth
Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion
Though they spend part of the film thinking that they need to find relationships in order to appear successful, they end up prioritizing their friendship with each other and their own ideas of success and happiness.
- Shelby
Prime
A film that comes to mind is Prime with Uma Thurman. She breaks up with her toyboy cos he can't/shouldn't give her what she wants (a baby) even though they love each other. I really liked it but my friends hated it because it wasn’t a happily ever after tale.
- Alison
Can You Ever Forgive Me?
It stars Melissa McCarthy (Bridesmaids) who was nominated for an Oscar for the role. It’s the true story of a rather misanthropic author who was pushed into making some really bad choices by dire life circumstances. It's definitely NOT about romantic relationships. It's more about flawed people, making big mistakes, and friendship. Awesome soundtrack too.
- Lori
In Her Shoes
The main characters are pretty single throughout and one of them remains single in the end and is happy.
- Lisbeth
St Elmo’s Fire
Multiple storylines, but two guys fight over the same girl and she decides to strike out on her own instead of choosing one.
- Helen
The Break-Up
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Jen Aniston’s character breaks up but then chooses the single path for a while which normally never gets shown.
- Katy
The Incredible Jessica James
I saw it recently. It's not brilliant, but it is good, and hits on many of the tropes of a single strong woman who is coming into her own.
- Neena
Mary Poppins
While she amuses herself flirting with Bert during the film and enjoying a jolly holiday, at the end of the film she flies off for another adventure and it ends with him asking her to come back soon. She makes him no promises in that respect.
- Elizabeth
Almost Famous
I’m ashamed to say I forgot to put my all-time favourite film on the original list so this is my own recommendation. Although there is a lot of unrequited love and heartache, the two main characters are single at the end and it’s also a brilliant coming-of-age story and has the best soundtrack!
- Me
And here are a few more that didn’t come with recommendations or reviews but I wanted to include plus I have added my original films to this list to save you having to cross-reference:
Educating Rita
Gloria Bell
The Emperor’s New Grove (my fave suggestion haha)
Lady Bird
Midsommar
Revenge (2017 film)
Victoria
Mrs Doubtfire
James Bond
Erin Brokovich
Muriel's Wedding
Frances
The Terminator
The Devil Wears Prada
Wonder Woman
Captain Marvel
Moana
Body Heat
Lady Macbeth
An Education
Basic Instinct
It’s Complicated
Last Christmas
The Big Lebowski
Wild
How To Be Single
Thelma and Louise
Mystic Pizza
The First Wives Club
Sex and the City (the first film but I guess the second too although the less said about that, the better)
Anyway, what do you think of the list? Do you have any more to add? Are you going to start working your way through them? Keep me posted!
I just want to also add that the news is grim all over the world and the idea of having to stay in our homes over winter is so bleak so I’m sending solidarity and huge hugs for you if you are feeling anxiety and stress over the ongoing Covid-19 crisis and all the other depressing news in the world.
Lots of love,
Nicola
Twitter: @Nicola_Slawson | Instagram: @Nicola_Slawson
Celebrate with me
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It’s nearly time for the first official event to celebrate this newsletter and this wonderful community of single women. Tickets are selling fast for Friday’s party and I really hope you’ll consider joining me. It will be a chance to get to know each other better, have a bit of fun and there might be a surprise or two. Get your ticket here.
What caught my attention
I May Never Find Love — & That Has To Be Okay
This is a few years old but I have only just read it after someone recommended it. The author writes this, which I think a lot of you will relate to: “Lately, I’ve been trying to weigh the prospect of a life without love. If I’m being honest with myself, the idea of never finding that one person to settle down with is scary to me — like, Freddy Krueger scary. But whenever I try to share this fear with friends, I’m met with the same response: “You’re so young! It will happen when you stop looking! Nobody really winds up alone!””
Dating: what does “cuffing season” really mean in the time of Covid-19?
Although I definitely did not have a summer of love, this is still a good read about how to navigate being single as winter looms. Hollie Richardson writes: “With the changing weather, darker days and 10pm curfew – the summer of love is over. So what the hell happens next? While I maintain that I’m not going to settle for anything less than I would have before, I must admit that I’m quite sad and scared about going through the winter months of this pandemic romantically alone. Perhaps, actually, it would be nice to have someone to form a bubble with – even if they’re not perfect.”
This episode isn’t about being single but from conversations I’ve had, some of you are finding the pandemic and the news in general really difficult to deal with because IT JUST WON’T END! Yesterday I had a phone conversation with one of my best friends from Uni I haven’t spoken to for ages and she was telling me how she had managed to remain quite positive through lockdown and was trying to look on the brightside, but she had just had enough. “Fuck coronavirus,” we both said. Anyway, this podcast episode helped me esp. the last half which includes their tips for handling this period of the crisis.
The lowdown
I was the guest There Are Other Ways with Fiona Burrows, a lovely podcast which I think a lot of you will enjoy as it’s for people brave enough to explore a less well-trodden path in life. You can find the episode with me on iTunes or wherever you usually get your podcasts or you can listen on Fiona’s website. We had such a great chat about all sorts of different parts of being single including shame, the mental load and more.
I wanted to recommend a wonderful newsletter called Cheapskate London. Although all the in-person events are in the capital, during the pandemic the lovely Kate Samuelson who runs it has been curating the best free virtual events which can be enjoyed from anywhere in the world. Last week’s newsletter included a free breathe workshop online and a writing for social media workshop, which was also online and also free. They also have cool Instagram and Twitter accounts as well. Subscribe here.
I was interviewed by The Times for their Money SOS series. We delved into how much more I need to save in order to be able to buy a house (a lot), how much I should be saved to have a decent mortgage (a hell of a lot) and how to save money while making sure you look after your mental health, especially as a single person who lives alone. I will be sharing more thoughts on this in the future so watch this space.
If you’re a writer (or a budding one), Tiffany and I are running our pitching masterclass again on 13 October. We’ll walk you through how to structure your pitches and we’ll share some of ours. We’ll also guide you with how to work with editors on your personal stories and how you can make use of the same story across multiple publications. You don’t have to have attended the first workshop to come to this one. Grab your ticket here.
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If you didn’t know, I have an agony aunt column for paying subscribers of this newsletter. You can take part even if you don’t want to sign up. Just fill out this form with your burning question or problem and pop your email address in as well. After I write the column, I’ll forward it to you. Your identity will be kept totally anonymous in the version subscribers can see.
About me
For those who don’t know, I’m Nicola Slawson, a freelance journalist who lives in Shropshire, UK. If you would like to support what I do, please consider subscribing to be a paid supporter of The Single Supplement. If you would prefer to make a one-off contribution, you can also buy me a coffee, here’s the link to my Ko-Fi page. Follow me on Instagram and Twitter.
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