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I haven’t really talked about the dreaded c-word for a while. Here in the UK, things are getting quite bad again and it’s looking likely that we’re going into lockdown again at some point or perhaps there won’t be a full lockdown again but tighter restrictions. The news has been quite depressing and it’s feeling a bit like it did back at the start of March. I feel quite resigned to the fact it’s going to happen but instead of feeling anxious about how I’ll cope, I instead have this horrible feeling of regret that I didn’t make the most of this in-between period.
It has gone so quickly and I was so occupied with moving house and work stuff that I haven’t done half the things I meant to. I wanted to spend some time back in London, I wanted to visit my friends around the country, I wanted to go see my sister in Cornwall and go get drunk with one of my best friends in Birmingham. Now I’m kicking myself for not cramming more into the time we had that was a little freer. I don’t think it’s so much that I took for granted that we would have the freedom, so much as that I was exhausted from going through the first lockdown at full pelt and, of course, there was still the fear of catching it and passing it on to my Dad which has meant I’ve still been quite cautious. I also wanted to spend some time nesting and making my house look nice. I’ve basically spent a lot of time just in my house, which had been really nice. But if I’m going to be stuck in it for months on end, I think I’ll look back on this period and wonder why the hell I didn’t go out as much as possible when I had the chance?
Then there is the little voice that is saying – ‘why didn’t you try and find a man? Why haven’t you gone any dates? You’ve missed your chance again.’ I feel like this little voice is actually society’s expectations whispering in my ear or maybe it’s my ticking body clock. As I have written about before, the reason I didn’t was because I genuinely couldn’t be bothered but it’s annoying that a part of me is still choosing to beat myself up over it.
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Back in March, I wrote about how nervous I was at the prospect of going through the pandemic on my own. It worried me so much I chose to go and live with my parents. I even wrote that it made me want to get a husband! This time, however, I feel much better about surviving on my own. I feel so much happier in this living situation than I did in my last place, which was quite stressful to live in as my landlord downstairs would have screaming matches with her son every other night. I’m actually impressed they made it through lockdown without killing each other but I know it would have been awful to have to listen to when I was already feeling so stressed.
I’m also wondering whether this time we might be allowed to continue to have support bubbles, meaning I might be able to visit my parents whenever I want. I’ve read a few different options for how things might go. I would like to see the government take into account the wellbeing of those who live alone but I wonder if they will? I have thought that if things start looking like single people have been forgotten about again, I might launch a campaign of some kind.
The main thing that is on my mind, however, is that I am desperate to get a cat before lockdown happens. Getting a cat of my own was one of the reasons I wanted to leave London so this longing isn’t just a reaction to the pandemic – it has been on the cards for a long time. I do love dogs and seriously miss my parents’ puppy but cats are just so much easier to look after and are such lovely companions. I just feel like I will be able to cope on my own, if that’s what is coming, is I have a feline friend by my side. I know I’ve already applied for two rescue cats and lost out to other people so I’m not having much luck. I guess I’m not the only one who desperately wants a pet before we all get shut inside again.
I would love to hear from you about how you’re feeling? Do you have any regrets for things you haven’t done? Are you planning to approach this potential second lockdown differently to the last one? Drop me an email and let me know!
Big shout out to those in the States who haven’t had any kind of break from restrictions! I know it’s different everywhere and I’m thinking of you over there, and in other countries as well.
Have a great week,
Nicola
Twitter: @Nicola_Slawson | Instagram: @Nicola_Slawson
What caught my attention
Relationships during Covid-19: “Lockdown showed me that my fiancé wasn’t the one”
This is an interesting look at one relationship breakdown. The anonymous author explains how lockdown shone a light on the things that were wrong in her relationship but also in her relationship with herself. They said: “What lockdown has forced us all to do is confront ourselves, look ourselves in the mirror and recognise our bad habits. I’ve asked myself: “what do I love? Who am I?” A friend of mine compared it to being in an accident and then the time that comes afterwards, when you’re in hospital and thinking about what you really want from life. Lockdown has prompted me to re-examine everything I had been silently, blindly going along with and I now know my relationship has been one of them.”
'I'm Single And 35 In The Midst Of A Pandemic - And It's Actually OK'
I really relate to a lot of this article especially the parts about turning 35 and how annoying it is for women to have a deadline if they want children. This paragraph made me laugh, although for the record, I actually love hen parties: “I’m not going to see the people I don’t want to see out of obligation any more, I’m going to hang out with the ones I like. I’m going to stay out and have another drink because, why not? Should a man with acceptable shoes and bathroom habits cross my path and I fall wildly in love, then how magical. But I’m not going to date anyone I feel half-hearted about in the meantime. There’s liberation in all this, which is good for those of us who are, dare I say it, ever-so-slightly neurotic and uptight. And I haven’t had to go to a single hen party all summer, either, which is possibly the biggest win of all.”
Laura Veirs on surviving her divorce: 'My life is strangely awesome'
I actually have never listened to Laura Veirs but this was a good read. I loved this paragraph: “After Veirs’ divorce, she went on a “dating rampage” for the first time in 20 years. It was nerve-racking: would anyone want to date a single parent in her mid-40s who had let her greys grow out? “And yes! They do!” she laughs. She dated men and women until online dating’s “disposable people culture” depressed her: once she affirmed her desirability, she realised she didn’t need a relationship to feel fulfilled. It was part of what she calls her “feminist awakening””
The Single Supplement is nearly one!
Those of who have been long-term readers of this newsletter may remember I pressed send on my very first edition on my 35th birthday on the 4 October. My 36th birthday is fast approaching, which means this newsletter is nearly one year old! I have many thoughts to share on what I’ve learned this year but first I have two announcements.
Party time!
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I’m excited to say I am organising The Single Supplement’s first birthday party! It will take place on Zoom but there will be opportunities to chat in smaller groups (using the breakout room option). I am also in the process of lining up entertainment for the evening and will have some special surprises. I would obviously love to organise something in person but it doesn’t look likely that I’ll be able to do this anytime soon. This also means the party is accessible no matter where you live. I will be sending out invitations soon but it will be on 16 October so please do save the date. To cover costs, tickets will be just £5 for early birds but will be free for paying subscribers of the newsletter. Watch this space for your invite!
Special offer!
To celebrate both my own birthday and the birthing of this newsletter, which has changed my life, I am going to slash the cost of the annual membership to The Single Supplement by half for a limited time. I want as many people as possible to enjoy the benefits of a paid subscription but I know times are hard at the moment.
Here’s what you get for the bargain price of £26:
I curate an extra recommendation each week whether that be a podcast you must listen to, an article you should read or even an interesting YouTube video.
You get exclusive access to Q&As with high profile single people. So far I have featured a podcast host, a memoir writer and a children’s fiction author and I am hoping to do a lot more of these in future.
Each week you also get an exclusive email from me, which is my weekly agony aunt column where I answer readers questions using examples from my own life.
You can connect with other members by commenting below each newsletter.
You will also get free entry to the birthday party (and other Supp events I am currently hatching plans for)
You’ll become a “modern patron of the arts” (see this article for more) by supporting a freelance writer to do her thing in a world where it increasingly hard to make a living from being creative.
The lowdown
I was lucky to be a guest on the amazing Alya Mooro’s Shameless podcast. I’m so excited to share this podcast episode with you. It’s probably my fave experience of being a podcast guest because the conversation really flowed and Alya asked such great questions. You can only listen to it on the Restless Network app but it’s definitely worth the download in my opinion.
If you would love to know how to set up a newsletter of your own and why you should do it if you’re a writer, make sure you sign up for mine and Tiffany Philippou’s next masterclass, which is all about self-publishing. We will also be covering publishing your writing on Medium and blogging. Grab your ticket here.
As mentioned above, I have an agony aunt column for paying subscribers of this newsletter. You can take part even if you don’t want to sign up. Just fill out this form with your burning question or problem and pop your email address in as well. After I write the column, I’ll forward it to you. Your identity will be kept totally anonymous in the version subscribers can see.
About me
For those who don’t know, I’m Nicola Slawson, a freelance journalist who lives in Shropshire, UK. If you would like to support what I do, please consider subscribing to be a paid supporter of The Single Supplement. If you would prefer to make a one-off contribution, you can also buy me a coffee, here’s the link to my Ko-Fi page. Follow me on Instagram and Twitter.
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