Sorry for the delay in this going out. I’ve had a bit of a nightmare day. My boiler broke this morning and on top of trying to sort that out I had a big work problem to solve. It’s not what you want to be dealing with on a grey, cold Sunday when you just want to get cosy and relax. Anyway, I then had to go out before I managed to finish the recommendations so tonight’s Supplement is the evening edition!

I don’t know about you but I love buying myself presents either for Christmas or my birthday. It’s so nice to get yourself something special and it’s also nice to call that special something a gift to yourself. My friend Harriet Minter actually wraps hers up beautifully and puts them under the Christmas tree. I may have to steal that idea. I decided I wanted to compile a gift guide for single women but it’s a gift guide with a bit of a difference. For starters, this is a gift guide as much for you as it is for you to forward on to friends and family.

The other way it’s a bit different is that I have crowdsourced the suggestions from members of the Facebook group. There are also loads of low-cost ideas on this list as I don’t believe you should overspend as a way to show your love and let’s face it, this year hasn’t been great for the finances for a lot of people. None of the things I am suggesting have been gifted either so it’s all genuine.

I should also add that of course any of these presents can be enjoyed by anyone regardless of their relationship status but nevertheless, I think we deserve our own god damn gift guide!

I would love to hear if you think we have missed anything! Drop me a message!

Have a good week,

Nicola

Twitter: @Nicola_Slawson | Instagram: @Nicola_Slawson

The Single Supplement gift guide

Readers recommendations

I’d suggest going down the pampering route, e.g. a voucher for a back massage, reflexology or a pedicure – it may be tricky to get gift vouchers for individual businesses as things are so unstable right now, but you could get ones that are redeemable nationally, like Treatwell, so the recipient can choose where to spend it and at which type of business. I always have a cranky back and have missed deep tissue back massages during the pandemic!
– Polly

My family is all on the other side of the world, so I'm all about spoiling myself this year: this is an excellent excuse to hunker down and get cozy, and just treat myself. [One idea is a] subscription to one of the flower delivery services. I'd LOVE to get flowers delivered on the regular, but it always feels like a luxury not worth splurging on for myself. I'm also a huge fan of Bad Brownies for a sugary treat, but of course, there are loads of other places that will deliver something decadent. I like that the small brownie boxes are still a good size for a single person - you can freeze them (though mine never last that long), but equally, they'll stay fresh for a while, so you can graze your way through.
– Louise

This place does a book subscription which you can buy as a gift. They then get in touch with the recipient to find out their tastes and then send a book to them each month for however long you’ve taken the subscription out for. I would LOVE to get this. To just receive a book that I haven’t chosen but based on what I like would be so exciting.
- Zac

A meal delivery service like Blue Apron or Hello Fresh. It’s hard to cook for just myself and it’s not fun going to grocery stores right now. One thing I wish family and friends would consider is that I live in 600 sq feet. I appreciate that they thought of me however, I really don’t have room for nic naks or silly joke gifts etc. Scented candles, new pyjamas, and socks are always great gifts though. Consumables not extra clutter.
– Jennifer

I am doing myself a Christmas Eve Box this year. I’ve never done it before but I am including new pjs, cosy socks, a face mask, a candle, chocolates and a Christmas mug etc. I have also already bought myself a couple of Xmas presents; a new watch and a necklace! I 100% agree that is singletons need to treat ourselves!! At least we get what we like.
– Katy

Notebooks, snuggly jumpers, chocolate, teapots, hot choc machine/milk frother, book vouchers, weighted blanket, tarot decks – haha I think I've just listed all my favourite things apart from my cats!
– Carla

I like gift certificates for splurge stuff that I just can’t justify buying for myself - manicures, massages, etc. My sister is hiring a house cleaner for a deep clean of my house this year, which I’m really excited about!
– Beth

New kitchen supplies or bath towels are always nice. Being single, I never get all the nice things that people get in their registries. My plates and cups are all chipped, my knives barely cut, and I use other kitchen supplies until they break. My bath towels are pretty old and not even soft anymore. It's also always nice to get a gift card for a spa day. As singles, everything falls on our shoulders so a pedicure or massage is always welcomed!
– Giulia

This is very particular, but stupid-and-yet-totally-uplifting socks, like these. I'm going to buy them for myself, because why not? They will make me smile when I look at my feet.
– Emma

My recommendations

These are all things I own / have had before or really want that I think would make a brilliant and not too expensive gift for the awesome single woman in your life (even if that woman is you!!)

A big beautiful bag

When you’re single and/or an independent woman, there is no-one to help you carry your crap for you so grab yourself one of these super sustainable and very roomy tote bags from Goh Totes. They are beautifully made and there are loads of colours to choose from. I have the bright yellow one. I also have a sunflower one too, which is a different style. Full disclosure, Isabel Togoh is a friend of mine so I may be a little bias but I genuinely love her bags! Read more about her here.

Print for your wall

Here’s another suggestion from one of my talented friends. Emma Winterschladen is a talented illustrator (among many other talents) and makes beautiful prints and postcards. I have already recommended her before but wanted to share as I love her prints. I have my beady eye on several of her prints including this one! It’s beautiful, isn’t it? You can buy her stuff on her Etsy shop The Hungry Heart Club.

Scented candle

I am not friends with anyone at this at the Self Care Co., I just genuinely love their candles and to be fair, they have been very nice whenever I have emailed them so maybe they will be friends one day. My best mate first bought me this candle and now I’m addicted and have one in my living room, office and bedroom. The combination of lavender and orange works so well together but they do a lot of other scents too.

Positive News Subscription

I am definitely bias about this as I do work for Positive News but it makes such a great gift for someone. They get four beautiful magazines through the post each year. Whenever they arrived through my door, it always puts a big smile on my face. They are perfect to sit down and read cover to cover with a cuppa. Even better, take the magazine to a cafe and sit and read with a coffee and cake. I’ve done that before. It’s the ultimate act of self care because the magazines make for such an uplifting – and interesting – read.

Craft kit

I don’t have this particular kit myself but I’ve had others by the Make Arcade and a friend has done this one. Embroidery is the perfect mindful activity and it’s also nice to make lovely things for your own home. It’s also a good thing to do if you want to spend some time off your phone because you’ll have your hands full when doing something like this. It is also really satisfying when you finish it! I also love the kits Margate Girl sells although I haven’t bought one of hers yet.

What caught my attention

As A Single, Queer Woman, Lesbian Bars Gave Me A Home

As I have said before, this pandemic has stolen things from all of us. It was interesting to read this perspective from a queer woman about what lesbian bars mean to her and how she has missed them this year. She says: “Historically, queer bars have been one of the few places where queer people are free to truly be themselves, so most come with a real sense of camaraderie. In fact, soon after I sat down a group of women invited me to join their game of Jenga. I met the people who would become my closest NYC friends that night, and almost every time we went out, we made sure to start or end the night either there, or at Cubbyhole or Ginger’s. But even when I went to a lesbian bar alone, I never felt lonely.”

Just Because I’m Single In My 30s Doesn’t Mean I’m Too Picky

Say it louder for the people at the back! I love what Biance writes here: “The concept of being too picky has been used to browbeat women into settling down for longer than I can remember. 'Too picky' implies that you should lower your standards. 'Too picky' suggests that, at best, the partner you hope to meet is a fantasy and, at worst, that you are a beggar and therefore absolutely cannot be a chooser. As a single woman, I’ve heard this phrase with increasing regularity and insistence since I passed the 30 mark two years ago and, having believed it for a time, it's something I have come to loathe. I hate it not just because it implies that coupledom is the ultimate and only worthy goal but also because it shames women into questioning their own judgement. At the most dangerous end of the spectrum, it encourages them to ignore red flags.”

How Christmas Feels Different For Single People In 2020

This is a nice exploration of how people are feeling this year. There are also some really moving interviews with single people who are dreading this festive season. Although I love Christmas, I also have had years where I have struggled and felt low about being on my own. This is spot on I think: “If you think about the images and marketing around Christmas time, it’s heavily geared towards people being connected and coupled, staying at home during the cold, dark winter nights, money being spent on displays of commitment, love and togetherness. For someone who is single, this can be overwhelming and bring up feelings of loneliness or judgement.”

The lowdown

• This newsletter has been mentioned TWICE in Francesca Specter’s debut book Alonement, which is out in March. I was lucky to be sent a review copy. I haven’t read it yet but watch this space for thoughts. Pre-order it here!

• I was actually interviewed for the above HuffPost article and got to talk, once more, about my beautiful Christmas tree! I also talk about how to deal with the dreaded questions about why you’re “still” single from nosy relatives.

• If you didn’t know, I have an agony aunt column for paying subscribers of this newsletter. You can take part even if you don’t want to sign up. Just fill out this form with your burning question or problem and pop your email address in as well. After I write the column, I’ll forward it to you. Your identity will be kept totally anonymous in the version subscribers can see.

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About me

For those who don’t know, I’m Nicola Slawson, a freelance journalist who lives in Shropshire, UK. If you would like to support what I do, please consider subscribing to be a paid supporter of The Single Supplement. If you would prefer to make a one-off contribution, you can also buy me a coffee, here’s the link to my Ko-Fi page. Follow me on Instagram and Twitter.

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