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editor's note
Dear ,
It’s Palentine’s Day tomorrow (not a typo — it really does fall on February 13th!), and earlier this week, I made the unfortunate-for-my-heart mistake of thinking back on what this day looked like in the Before Times. Some years it was a night out with close friends, laughing so loud we got glares from everyone in a 20-foot radius. In more recent history, it was a weeknight in with plenty of cheese, crackers, condiments, and cornichons to go around.
Since last March, without built-in touchpoints like book club, housewarmings, movie nights, and shared cookbook club meals to keep us all connected, most of my friendships have vacillated between heavy "how are yous?" and just sending TikToks back and forth forever.
What feels lost is all the good friend stuff in the middle. The hyperspecific preferences. The quirks. The mannerisms and inflection. The backstories so deeply personal only the friend delivering them could string that exact series of words together. I miss hearing why a friend is fundamentally against $40 candles, or why they simply do not care if middle parts are in style. The reason I miss all of these things is because they’re the idiosyncrasies that make each friend completely their own.
I have a working theory: What happens when we don’t physically SEE our friends is that our friends slowly stop feeling seen. This year, as we've spent time getting to know ourselves, our friends are becoming fuzzier and fuzzier in the rearview mirror of Covid times.
So now, as we approach a weekend that’s as much about friend-love as romantic-love, I'm wondering: How can you make a friend feel seen and loved this weekend? Here are some ideas for making friends feel seen — even if you’re not seeing them in person right now:
🧀 1. Gift your friend some cheese this week. What I mean by this is get as specific as humanly possible with something they love. If cheese is their thing, go that route and send them a whole bunch of gouda (or a charcuterie bouquet). If they’re bingewatching Euphoria, send them the eye makeup made famous by the show. If they just bought a house with a yard, enroll them in this mini seed-starting course. The point is, find something that's as unique as possible to who and where they are — and meet them there.
🧠 2. Ask how they’re doing, in more specific terms. To SEE a friend is to know that even on day three hundred and something, trying to answer a “how are you?” text continues to feel like that scene in Alice in Wonderland where she just keeps freefalling down the rabbit hole. My suggestion? Put it in more specific terms. My best friend is very good at phrasing this question as, “How are your head and your heart?” — creating an easier entrypoint to talk about mental and emotional health. Some other options: “On a scale of 'used a cat filter on my courtoom Zoom call' to ten, how was your day?" or even something as sweet and simple as, “Just doing a vaccine check-in: Were you able to secure the appointment for your mom you were working on? I know it's been hard to get appointments in some areas.”
👯♀️ 3. When in doubt, disco. It goes without saying that now is the time to take stock of your own personal bandwidth and offer friends a hand in big and meaningful ways if when you’re able. BUT — if you do have a little extra time to celebrate them — don’t forget to do that too. True story: Last spring, a friend gifted me an out-of-the-blue disco ball, and I almost fell off my chair. Why? Because in the trying-to-stay-afloatness of the moment, I had forgotten what it felt like to just be seen for who I was and what I like, independent of Covid circumstances. That was a gift in and of itself.
What’s the best friend gesture you’ve received (or given) this year? Send me your ideas, and we’ll round them up in a little “guide to making your friends feel seen, even when you’re not really seeing them.”
Until next week,
Tyler Calder
Director of Content at GNI
P.S. If your weekend plan — whether you're celebrating Palentine's Day, Galentine's Day, or Valentine's Day — involves curling up on the couch with some popcorn, we rounded up a list of our favorite of-the moment shows and nostalgic favorites streaming on HBO Max* right now. 🍿 Psst... HBO Max is offering 20% off six months when you pay ahead. Restrictions apply.
* Presented in partnership with our friends at HBO Max. Sign up here in time for Vday weekend!
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💌 Calling all last-minute Valentine's gifters, we rounded up our some ideas that say "you're my person" here (for you, a partner, a friend you love, or whomever).
🤗 This month, our membership community, The Lounge, will be gathering with In Bibi's Kitchen author Hawa Hassan. The gathering will be open to Loungers and all members of the waitlist — sign up for the waitlist if you're not yet on it. 👀
🐌 Want to know what's up next at our sibling brand, Whiled? Sign up for the mailing list here to be the first to know what we've got in the works for 2021.
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weekly picks
what we're recommending this week...
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love letter cookies (via Rocky Luten / Food52)
- Celebrating Lunar New Year... 🐂 "Today marks the Lunar New Year, the Year of the Ox! I grew up in Seoul, South Korea, celebrating this every year with my mom's side of the family. Among other traditions, my favorite part of seollal was to wear hanbok, bow to your elders, and...receive cold hard cash in your fancy pouch. 😏 If you're curious about Lunar New Year traditions across Chinese and Korean cultures, I enjoyed listening to this Asian Glow Up podcast episode describing the hosts' own experiences. Also, a reminder that it's not only 'Chinese New Year' — many Asian communities like the Korean, Vietnamese, Tibetan, etc. celebrate this new year too. The Smithsonian has some family-friendly, neat ways to celebrate virtually this year.
Lastly and relatedly, as you may know, anti-Asian racism is on the rise: there's been a 1900% increase in hate crime since the start of COVID-19. To combat this, please consider donating to Stop AAPI Hate and following people like Amanda Nguyễn to stay in the know. Designer Sunny Li is also selling these beautiful postcards as a fundraiser to raise money for NYC's Chinatown." -Alisha, CEO/Founder
- Focus on still-possible celebrations like... 🍪 baking these chocolate ganache cupcakes for Valentine's Day and these Kue Semprong "Love Letter" cookies for Lunar New Year.
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To turn everyday routines into more meaningful rituals... 💆♀️ we've got just the rec. Rituals Cosmetics focuses on helping you slow down and practice the art of soulful living through bath, body, and home products (like their The Ritual of Namaste collection, for instance, which is built around taking time each day to honor your skin). Enjoy up to 50% off a wide selection of products for body and home during the Rituals Winter Sale and get a free natural skincare set when you spend $50+. #SPONSORSTHING
- Our take on the great skinny jeans debate of 2021... 👖 Honestly? Just wear what makes you feel GOOD, whether it's loungewear, skinny jeans, or something new — like these Balloon Jeans that caused quite a stir in our team Slack this week.
- The house of your dreams (probably)... 🏡 Um, pretty sure we found your next internet rabbit hole: Dr. Kwandaa Roberts of @tinyhousecalls makes and designs beautiful, on-trend dollhouses (!) worthy of any CB2 catalog. 10/10 would move in immediately.
- The design decision that's changing everything... 🎨 "We did it! We wallpapered a wall of our basement using this pattern in charcoal and putty. I loved how easy it was (it only took about one hour) and the end result is so satisfying. I now want to wallpaper everything." - Alisha, CEO/Founder
- The clean facial oil that's in our carts... 😍 This week we rounded up our favorite Black-owned beauty and fashion brands, including Oma the Label (look at this ring!) and OBC Skin, creators of this nourishing oil getting us through winter.
Bonus rec from your group chat: We can't stop thinking about this wall calendar, this bathroom projector setup, or this extremely organized cabinet. 🙋♀️🙋♀️🙋♀️
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Sponsor Spotlight: Avery and Tarcher Perigree
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It's a good weekend to learn about love (and wine)... 💌
Whether you're cozying up with a partner, joining a Zoom pajama party, or spending time loving yourself this weekend, these books offer the chance to expand your horizons on matters of the heart (and palate):
🧲 Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller explores attachment styles, helping you better understand and communicate your needs. It also offers a road map for building stronger, more fulfilling connections with the people you love — something we can always get behind.
🔮 The Secret Language of Relationships by Gary Goldschneider and Joost Elffers will help illuminate your connection with others based on your sign and birthday. Astrology lovers, this one's for you.
🍷 Wine Folly by Madeline Puckette and Justin Hammack will teach you how to become a wine connoisseur from the comfort of our couch (so by the time we can all gather again, you'll have a perfect pairing queued up for a GNI of your own).
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read/watch/listen
what we're turning our attention to this weekend...
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🌟 Scrolling...
The secret life of Lisa Frank | Bustle
Here's what you didn't learn in school. | The Atlantic
Let's add some much-needed nuance to the lunchbox moment. | Eater
Update: Deep-cleaning videos are getting grosser. | The New York Times
Romantic Valentine's Day ideas for housebound freaks | VICE
📚 Reading...
If you love Klancy Miller's cookbook, Cooking Solo, as much as we do, good news: she's launched a magazine! The debut issue of For the Culture, a magazine that celebrates Black women and femmes in food and wine, is out now. It's worth a cover-to-cover read given the range of topics included, from family recipes to new restaurants, herbalism to winemaking. There's also a key throughline of taking care throughout the 95 pages, both in first person essays and throughout many interviews. It's a great addition to the magazine world!
If you're enjoying reading The Office of Historical Corrections for this month's GNI book club, might we suggest reading Danielle Evans' earlier work too? In 2010, she wrote Before You Suffocate Your Own Fool Self, a book of short stories centering young, Black, and mixed-race stories with her signature sense of truth and humor.
🍿 Watching and Listening to...
Escape with a 15-minute jellyfish meditation.
Celebrate Black History Month with this NPR podcast playlist.
Some kitchen etiquette: Don't do this.
Bonus read: Prepare to feel seen. Just trust us on this one. 😂
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giving back
For the month of February, we’re donating 5% of our company’s profits as part of a larger initiative to give back. This week, we're donating to Diverse Books, an organization advocating for changes in the publishing industry to help promote more diverse childrens' books that reflect and honor the lives of all young people.
More about our impact efforts: As a BIPOC-owned business, the No Plans, Inc. family of brands (GNI, The Lounge, and Whiled) aims to give back in intentional ways. We support organizations aligned with our core values of taking care, mental health, literacy, and matters of housing and home. Our readers’ support (you!) has allowed us to do this — thank you!
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Thanks for reading and supporting GNI and our partners — they help make the creation of this free newsletter possible. Just a note: GNI may receive a small commission from items you purchase from this newsletter. ❤️
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