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dress shopping about a year ago, blissfully unaware.
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editor's note
Dear ,
Around this time last year, I went wedding dress shopping. I was on a sugary sweet high of wedding planning, excited for our October ceremony surrounded by family and friends. As I modeled each dress in front of the mirror, flanked by two approving friends, I made sure to get a good feel for the weight of the material around my legs to ensure there was enough room and flexibility for maximum dancing possibilities.
We went out for margaritas and Tex-Mex after the dress try-on, buzzing about our favorite dresses, AirDropping each other photos.
The week after, everything shut down. It’s sad to think back on a time when none of us knew what the next twelve months would hold. In the past year, we’ve all figured out new norms, battled Zoom fatigue (so. much. Zoom. fatigue.), and buckled under election-related stress. We struggled with our mental health. We missed our friends, family, and even our low-stakes acquaintances. We stayed inside, isolated.
For much of the past year, each day blended in with the next. For those lucky enough to worry about boredom, the sameness grew wearisome. We looked for small diversions to differentiate one week to the next: scheduling Facetime chats, exhausting our streaming services, trying our hand at quarantine hobbies, going on daily walks, using our imaginations to go on virtual trips. And now we’re right back where we started.
This feeling of sadness and reflection actually has a name. As writer Katie Hawkins-Gaar explains in a recent newsletter: It’s what psychologists call the anniversary effect. “Our brains and bodies store painful memories, which can be triggered by certain dates or seasons,” she explains.“This helps explain why we’re struggling right now. It explains why I was crying over flowers, why it feels so hard to focus on anything, and why our worries have spiraled out of control so easily.”
My friend who had a baby at the start of all this captured the grim spirit of the “lost year” really well. None of her friends have met her newborn who is turning a year old soon (!). “They missed the entire baby phase. How is this real?”
Now that it’s the dreaded one-year anniversary, I think it’s important that we be gentle with ourselves and take time to process, reflect, and yes, grieve our lost year.
Here’s how I’m working through this anniversary...
❤️ Take time to remember, together: A big part of me wants to wash away those first few months of the pandemic from my brain forever, but I don’t think that’s a healthy way to process grief. Call or FaceTime your friends or whoever you were with when things were beginning to shut down and reflect together, share how you're feeling and how much you miss them. I find it helpful to process when I hash out memories with others.
❤️ Be gentle with yourself: Take it easy, move slowly, create some blank space. Indulge in comforting shows/movies/activities/crafts/books even if they feel stupid or silly. Take care of your mental health, because this past year has likely destroyed it. At work especially, I’m practicing “removing goals” and “extending deadlines.” When something feels urgent, I take more time now to figure out if it’s actually urgent (it probably isn’t).
❤️ I know this sounds corny, but acknowledge your journey: A big part of this experience for me and I’m sure for you, too, is the change we’ve gone through in the past year. I know we’re still in the thick of things, but I do feel that there was a “pre-pandemic me,” and a” current me.” I want to reflect on that change, acknowledge the good things, and unpack the painful and bad things that happened last year, too. I want to be both grateful for and reflective of these complicated feelings. I plan to set aside an hour to fix a cup of tea, light a candle, and journal more reflectively about the past year.
❤️ Open yourself up to cautious hope: One thing we’ve all learned is that nothing can be planned or is certain...but with vaccines being administered and underway, now feels like a good time to crack open the door to thinking about a more positive future. For me, that means making a list of places I want to travel (my friend Katie recently turned me onto Rick Steves’ travel videos 🙂) and dreaming up dates with my friends. A few months ago, I would’ve felt too sad to even think about doing this, so...that’s progress! And it's worth noting.
If all the recent March memes point to anything, it’s that we’re not doing well as this anniversary approaches. I hope you can make space to grieve this month, and give others an ample amount of empathy, at home and at work. While many things have been uncertain this past year, one undeniable truth is that, together and apart, we've all been through a lot.
Until next Friday,
Alisha Ramos, CEO and Founder at GNI
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community updates...
🌟 GNI readers have spoken: Your favorite newsletter things in February were... this Wooj wavy lamp, loungewear for everyone, this cutting board, this subtle peel-and-stick wallpaper, and a desktop organizing hack that could make your Friday a whole lot better.
🎉 Interested in working at GNI? We're looking for an Audience Development Strategist to join our team, and that person could be you!
📚 For this month's book club, we're reading Milk Blood Heat by Dantiel W. Moniz. Add your name to the waitlist for our membership community, The Lounge, to join us for future gatherings.
🐌 Our sibling brand, Whiled, is brewing up something new. Sign up here to be among the first to know what's coming next...
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weekly picks
this week, we're swapping lessons learned by our community this past year...
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We asked this question. Here are some of your answers.
- One of the biggest lessons of them all... 😴 "Just being at home isn't inherently restful; you have to be intentional about how you're spending your time at home." - @darayray24
- On investing in yourself... 🙏 "I did a lot of the work to sustain relationships (friend or otherwise), and [I learned] it's okay to spend that energy on myself sometimes." - @drsariecamille
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If your best ideas come at the most unexpected times... 📓 Baronfig's Idea Toolset makes it a little easier to keep inspiration — or your grocery list, if we're being honest 😫 — close by. We love that it comes with a perfectly sized notebook, a Squire Pen that feels very grownup, and a case that keeps your ideas zipped up safely 'til you next need them. GNI readers can use code GIRLSNIGHTIN20 at checkout to receive 20% off the Idea Toolset. #SPONSORSTHING
- For finding work-life balance this past year... 🧘♀️ "Being a good employee doesn't mean you ignore yourself as a human being with a life outside of work." - @hannahlynnl
- In case you're trying to figure out how a whole year has passed... ⏳ "I learned that whether you're in a pandemic or not, time still continues. Knowing this, we might as well make the best use of our time and spend it with people we love, doing things that bring us joy." - @futuristicpomegranate
- The benefit of building new rituals... 🐌 "I've learned that I'm a slow mornings person...This past year, I've grown to love reading at breakfast, it's been the best way for me to slow down in the morning and set myself up for a good day." - @ttinkham
- The value of downtime... 🌳 "I've learned to really love being at home, sitting still, and resting. A friend told me once, 'We are called human beings for a reason.' This year has highlighted that for me!" - @nataliemarie.photo
- Give yourself some elbow room... 📆 "I love not having my weekends booked with plans and actually taking time to rest from the work week. Pre-pandemic, we had every weekend booked from March to June and it was going to be so exhausting." - @claudiiakay
- A smol happy lesson... 💡 "Just that a bathrobe can be a complete outfit." - @viviannki
- And a baking lesson for the road... 🍌 "Split the banana bread batter into two pans." - @cdem531
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sponsor spotlight: Les Mills x Reebok
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A fresh new way to work out at home ... 💪
We can't be the only ones who've turned our living room into the occasional gym in recent months. If this is you too, good news: Les Mills and Reebok have joined fitness forces to launch some WYSKA (workouts you should know about) to celebrate the launch of the new Les Mills co-branded Reebok Nano X1 shoe.
🏋️♀️ The classes: The Les Mills x Reebok Nano Series features three iconic workouts re-imagined. These new fan-favorite LES MILLS GRIT, BODYPUMP, and LES MILLS CORE workouts bring a fresh take on HIIT, strength, and core training. Backed by science, and presented by the world’s top trainer talent, you can expect motivation, satisfaction, and passion in every workout.
👟The shoe: The Les Mills co-branded Reebok Nano X1 shoe offers Nano X1’s combination of comfort, stability, and style. It is the ideal shoe for tackling the new hard-charging Les Mills x Reebok Nano Series workouts On Demand. Sneak a peek here.
GNI readers can try LES MILLS™ On Demand workouts for 30 days FREE.
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read/watch/listen
what we're turning our attention to this weekend...
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🌟 Scrolling...
Desperate Times Call for Elaborate Buttercream | Eater
4 Causes for Zoom Fatigue (and Their Solutions) | Stanford
How Writing a Cookbook Helped Me Break Free of Diet Culture | Healthyish
Everything I Found Helpful When Dealing with a Mild Covid Case | Just Good Shit
Black History Month and Women's History Month are the Same Season for Me | Zora
📚 Reading...
"If you like to think about the way recipes are written, this Community Cookbook is a treat. It centers on 'home cooking' recipes from an amazing group of writers and authors — but unlike a standard cookbook, the recipes are not uniform. Each one has such different style and flair, which makes it all the more special. And, proceeds go toward supporting FIG (Food Issues Group)." - Carey, Content and Community Team
🍿 Watching...
"I watched Asma Khan’s episode of Chef’s Table this week and it was so so good. I hadn’t watched any episodes in a while, but the beautiful cinematography brought me back to this fun, aspirational space I used to feel when planning a trip. Also, Asma’s story and the genesis of Darjeeling Express (one of my favorite restaurants!) were so wonderful to take in. Highly recommend most episodes, but especially this one." - Mariah, Whiled Team
🎧 Sharing with the group chat...
This lock screen idea. Some very exciting book news!! A garlic chopper we need. Does anyone else feel like a potato right now? A shelf DIY we're thissssss close to trying at home. The life cycle of all cute throw blankets (sigh!). Dolly doing Dolly things. The funniest tweet we read this week. Two words: Pie stencils.
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heading into the weekend like...
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Thanks for reading and supporting GNI and our partners — they help make the creation of this free newsletter possible. Just a note: GNI may receive a small commission from items you purchase from this newsletter. ❤️
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