Yesterday I spent the whole day celebrating love. It was the first wedding I had attended since the pandemic hit and it was touch and go whether it would go ahead or be postponed again due to Covid restrictions. In the end the couple decided to go ahead with it and I’m so glad they did. It was a beautiful and emotional day and I hadn’t realised how much I had missed going to weddings. Even as a single person, and even as a feminist, I love a good wedding.

It was also my first Indian wedding. My friend and I were invited to attend the Hindu ceremony (on Saturday there was a Sikh ceremony as the bride is Sikh and the groom is Hindi) and it was brilliant. Parts of the day were very familiar; the anticipation of seeing the bride for the first time, the queues to take photos with the happy couple after the ceremony, the slightly awkward and often unintentionally funny best man speech, the chats with total strangers on the same table as you, the need for tissues because of all the happy tears. Other parts were less familiar; the groom made an incredibly dramatic entrance, there were rituals between the two families before he could even step foot in the venue and the length of the ceremony (although having been to quite a few traditional Catholic weddings, which are also long, it wasn’t totally unfamiliar) spring to mind.

I know there are some readers who hate going to weddings and hate everything they represent but that’s not me. I’ve talked before about living in the grey. Ever since I started this newsletter, I realised that some people wrongly assumed that I am somehow anti-relationship. The truth is that while I love talking about the single experience, advocating for single people when government policy leaves them out and generally shouting about the joys of being alone, I am a massive romantic. And as a feminist, I know that weddings are symbolic of the chains of the patriarchy but I still well up when I see the bride for the first time. I’m not even that bothered by the marriage part given some of the strongest couples I know are not married and never intend to get married, but I still love the idea of a party to celebrate love, which is what a wedding feels like to me, the perpetual guest.

Of course, they can be tricky events for single people to attend. If you are longing romantic love, they can feel painful. They are also designed for couples so it can feel awkward to go alone if you’re not given a plus one. They are also expensive when you factor in everything from the new outfit to the travel to the presents – especially if you’re doing it all alone. I have heard horror stories from single people about weddings they have been to so know they can be hard. I also did an agony aunt column about feeling anxious about going alone. I may have just been lucky but I’ve actually always had a good experience – or maybe it’s more to do with my mindset? I don’t think about what I’m lacking when I watch the first dance, I think about what’s in front of me.

Admittedly yesterday worked out well for me because neither me or the friend I went with were given a plus one so I didn’t face the prospect of third wheeling or having to find a date. Spending the whole day with one of my really good friends was was such a treat after not seeing her for around 20 months. Given the enforced separation thanks to the pandemic, it felt particularly good to have her full attention as she didn’t have to worry about looking after her partner who would have known even less people than we did. But even if I hadn’t had the ideal date, which she was, I think I still would have loved the day and not dwelled on my own circumstances and relationship status.

To me, if you take away all the things weddings supposedly represent, at the end of the day, what they are really all about is love. And when I say love, I mean it in the most broad sense of the word. I find it incredibly moving when two people stand up in front of all their loved ones and declare their love for each other. I love how everyone waits for their chance to embrace the happy couple and congratulate them and tell them how much they love them. I love how emotional everyone gets in the speeches when the couple thank their parents and the bridal party and pay tribute to those who have passed away. I love the way the couple always seem in awe that so many people are there for them when they thank everyone for coming. I love watching the different sides of the family bond. I love celebrating through movement and hugs and singing on the dance-floor (sadly not much of that yesterday!), I love asking strangers how they know the couple and hearing bits of my friend’s lives that I didn’t previously know about. I even love signing the guest book and the card and declaring my own love for the happy couple. There is just so much love in the room and it fills my heart.

At the moment, I’m reading Conversations on Love by Natasha Lunn. It’s her new book with the same name as her popular newsletter. Before I say more about the book, I want to tell you a little funny story. I had heard about her newsletter and seen a lot of people talking about it but I resisted signing up. I wrongly assumed it was solely focused on romantic love. I hadn’t long started this newsletter and was feeling particularly passionate about other kinds of love were always relegated. At the time, I was also personally not interested in reading (romantic) love stories. It wasn’t until a conversation with a friend, Emma Winterschladen (herself a notorious romantic), who told me I would love the newsletter and that it was about all kinds of love. Emma was right that I would love her writing in the newsletter and now I have the book in my hand and it’s really making me think about my own attitudes to love. In it, Natasha explores what love is and how to sustain it. She turns to other authors and experts to learn about their experiences, as well as drawing on her own.

In an article for The Times, Natasha admits she used to be obsessed with finding romantic love and focused on how it was what she was lacking. Even though she is now married with a child, I think there is a lesson for us all in what she has learned. She says: “Writing Conversations on Love has shown me that love is everywhere, in so many different forms and shapes and acts. It amazes me now more than it ever has — its power and its scale, its individuality and universality. Although I found the romantic love I was searching for — and am now happily married to a man called Dan — the conversations I’ve had taught me that loving well means loving widely, because we all need different people to see different parts of who we are. So the trick, I think, is to be brave enough to hope for what you want, yet wise enough to know that life is not one love story but many. That means finding love with a partner — if you want one — but also in purposeful solitude, in creating something that others connect to, in a stranger’s kind words, in friendship, in family. It means understanding too that all these forms of love are not acquired or given; they are learnt and earned.”

natashachloelunn

A post shared by @natashachloelunn

So I make no apology that this newsletter is focused on love and that I am admitting just how much I love to see all of the love expressed at weddings. In the words of Natasha: “I now understand that each day we have to fight small battles to notice the love that’s right in front of us.”

Also leaving you with a song that has been in my head ever since I decided I was going to write about love. I think it’s actually about a break up but nevermind!

Have a good week,

Nicola

Twitter: @Nicola_Slawson | Instagram: @Nicola_Slawson

p.s For the record, I still think single women deserve to be celebrated much more even while I’m here admitting how soppy I get about weddings!

What made me think

Summer of love? After the way single people have been treated in the Covid pandemic all I want is a hug

I bloody love this article! I agree with every word of this: “If single people haven’t suffered enough during this pandemic, now we’re being told by various media outlets and advertisers that this is the “summer of love”. This sounds fun in theory, but it’s irritating because it makes light of our experience and it implies a feeling of sexiness that just isn’t there and how can it be? We’re still living under a horrific level of uncertainty and no one feels sexy when they’re anxious or tired. This comedic perception of single people emerging from their caves, oozing with sex appeal and raging about in a hedonistic bonk fest adds further insult and pressure to a group of people who just don’t need it.”

Things you should check out

• In 2021, How Are Women Supposed To Be With Men? – This is a really interesting article by the brilliant Vicky Spratt! Watch this space for more from her in this newsletter soon! 👀 

• Things I Learned from Dating in My Thirties – “You do not miss your ex, you just had a bad date.” Yes!

• ‘I became a solo mum like Amber Heard – and it’s the best decision I ever made’ - Love this from one of my previous guest writers!

• Natalie Imbruglia on having a baby alone at 44: ‘It's brought me a sense of peace’ – related to the above!

• Single Person Preparedness Tips Part One – I have to say I am not this organised…

• The Woman Traveling to Europe With a Bag of Sex Toys – some people have very exciting lives.

• Britney Spears’s Conservatorship Nightmare – Can’t stop thinking about Britney!

• Don’t forget to follow me on Instagram if you don’t already!

• BTW I decided to experiment with sending the newsletter out on Mondays to see if that helped but as you can probably tell from today, work got in the way so I’ll go back to Sunday.

• If you’re not already a subscriber, please consider financially contributing to this newsletter so I can pay myself a proper day rate to write this newsletter and all the extra subscriber-only content!

  Subscribe now

• Watch out for an agony aunt column, winging its way to you soon!

• Congrats to Amber Heard, who has become a mum “on her own terms” which everyone is assuming means as a solo mum.

  Amber Heard @realamberheard

  I’m so excited to share this news with you. Four years ago, I decided I wanted to have a child. I wanted to do it on my own terms. I now appreciate how radical it is for us as women to think about one of the most fundamental parts of our destinies in this way.

  July 1st 2021

  900 Retweets9,040 Likes

Words I love

“I spent years after my divorce trying to fix myself, or fill a void with the thing that society expects: meet the guy and have the family. Obviously my path was a different one but, even before Max was born, I realised there was nothing missing. It was a massive epiphany, and very empowering.”

– Natalie Imbruglia in the article I shared above

About me

For those who don’t know, I’m Nicola Slawson, a freelance journalist who lives in Shropshire, UK. If you would like to support what I do, please consider subscribing to be a paid supporter of The Single Supplement. If you would prefer to make a one-off contribution, you can also buy me a coffee, here’s the link to my Ko-Fi page. Follow me on Instagram and Twitter.

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