Chapter 10 recap: The Halloween party is a disaster. Finn shows up, but they barely get to talk. Charlie’s ready to bail early, but not before Jackie explodes at her in front of everyone.

Hey, this is new! I’m adding episode tracks for each new chapter. Read through to the end for more info and to get this week’s song.

Completely eliminating someone from your life isn't easy. Especially if you've known each other since first grade. Not only does that person know everything about you, good and bad, but pieces of you are literally spread all over that person’s life. Like the pajamas you keep at their house so you can sleep over whenever. Or the sneakers you leave in their locker after you’ve arranged your schedule just to be in the same gym class. The scrapbook you made for them in eighth grade that always leans against their stack of yearbooks. Not to mention all the stuff you’ve borrowed from each other that you’re in no rush to give back. After all, that person isn’t going anywhere.

When you’ve done everything you can to mix your life with someone else’s, you can't just dump that person overnight. 

Unless you're Jackie Donnelly. 

It happened that Monday after the party. But, it’s more accurate to say that nothing happened. I didn't see or hear her. Her car wasn't in her usual parking space in the row in front of mine. I didn't see her in the hallways, and she wasn’t at lunch. I thought she was out sick until I noticed her car parked at the opposite end of the student lot. 

By Wednesday I noticed something else. Her other friends—the debate team kids and the girls from student council—were ignoring me. It was subtle. I’d never known any of them that well, but we’d always done that head nod thing when we passed each other in the hallways. Or we’d share a weak smile. I’d never cared or even thought that much about it until they walked by without looking at me.

On Friday, Liz gave me the bags. 

“She said she didn't want to make it a big dramatic scene. I don't understand how putting me in the middle is any better,” she muttered as she handed me three canvas shopping bags. I peered inside. The contents were clothes mostly, some from years ago. There were some books. One of the bags was heavier than the rest. I rooted around and pulled out an oversized ceramic coffee mug. The words “Rocket Fuel” were painted on it. I'd bought it at Scones two years ago. 

“Why is this in here? This isn't mine. I gave this to her for Christmas,” I said.

“I don't know,” Liz said and looked away.

“I don't know what I did.” 

Liz just shook her head. 

How can you still be friends with her? I wanted to say. Liz had seen firsthand how awful Jackie had been at the party. She’d heard the horrible things she'd said to me. 

“Listen, you're both my best friends,” she said. I could see that she was trying not to get upset. She took a deep breath, “I've known her since I was born, practically. Our families are best friends. I feel like this is just some kind of phase or something.” 

She’d said that before at the Halloween party. That Jackie was just going through a phase. 

“It's just...” she looked away. “I really don't want to have to choose between the two of you. Okay?”

But I didn't do anything, I thought. 

“Does she have a different lunch period now?” I asked. 

Liz sighed. “Yeah, she switched to third lunch.”

“Because of me?”

“She didn't want it to be awkward for everyone. Jared has third lunch, anyway.”

I shook my head. 

“Oh, and she wanted to remind you about paying her back,” Liz said. “For the costume, I mean. She said Paypal or Venmo is fine.”  

“Oh.”

Liz crossed her arms. “This is so stupid.”

“Well, it’s not me.”

“I know,” she said. “I know,” she said again and shook her head. 

The lights in the kitchen dimmed slightly as the microwave's revolving plate whirred to a halt and the timer buzzed. Gram shuffled in from the hallway. 

“What's that?”

“It's our ancient microwave, Gram. This thing belongs in the Smithsonian,” I said grumpily, slamming the door shut. 

 “You okay, dear?’

If it had been last year, before the fall, I might have told her the story about Jackie and the party. I would have left out the physical violence and not mentioned the drinking. I definitely wouldn’t have told her that Jackie seemed to think one of my problems was that I was living with her. A year ago she would have made me tea and rubbed my hand while I cried. Like, really let it all out. 

“I got in a fight with Jackie. It’s not a big deal.”

“Oh my,” she said, adding a low whistle as she lowered herself into a kitchen chair. “I would not want to be on Miss Jackie’s bad side.” Gram liked Jackie. She even liked how bossy she could be. But she knew that Jackie’s edges were sharp.

“It’s surprisingly easy,” I said, stirring a chipped casserole dish with a wooden spoon. “Honestly, it’s like she never existed… Or, no. It’s more like I never existed.”

Gram was quiet for a second. “Was this more than just a run-of-the mill argument among friends?”

“I don’t know… It’s just been a long day, Gram. Sorry, I’m fine. Our antique microwave was just the final straw.”

“Well, I don't know why we have that thing anyway. Those frozen dealies are loaded with salt and junk.”

“This isn't a frozen dinner. I made this at school today,” I said.

“Oh?”

“Yeah,” I said and scooped a spoonful of vegetable stir fry onto a plate. I hadn't seen Finn in the art room all week since the party. I'd thrown myself full force into independent study and managed to make a pretty big dent in the stockpile of frozen vegetables with my unit on Asian cuisine.

“It's actually pretty good,” I said. “Mrs. Riley even thought so,” I added. 

“Well, good for you, Charlie,” she said, smoothing the fabric placement in front of her. “I can't wait to try it.” 

I set a plate in front of each of us and sat down. I took a bite. 

I watched as Gram lifted her fork. Her hand shook as her fingers clenched in an unnatural manner. The fork slipped from her hands. 

“Did you take your pills, Gram?” I asked. 

“I did, dear. Just a little shaky today,” she said. 

“You need help with that?” I asked as she made another attempt with the fork. 

“I've got it, Charlie,” she said. 

I tried not to notice the next two unsuccessful attempts she made, or take any special interest in when she was finally able to lift a small piece of green pepper to her mouth. 

“Very good, dear,” she said quietly. “Delicious.”

She took two more bites before she laid down her fork and said, “Goodness, I'm full.” 

“You didn't have all that much,” I said, eyeing her plate. 

“Oh, I had a big lunch. I'll do the dishes,” she said.  

“No, you go relax, I'll get them.” 

“You sure?” she asked. 

“Yeah. Rest.” 

“Well, that was very good. Quite a treat.” 

“Thanks, Gram,” I said, my voice catching a little at the end. 

“Goodnight, dear,” she said, heading towards the living room. It was only seven o'clock. 

I stared across the table at the plate of untouched stir fry. I could feel the quiet and stillness of the house. It was heavy on my shoulders. No one else’s house is this quiet, I thought and felt a pang in my chest. The clock in the hallway clicked three times before it sounded the little melody that played on the hour and half past. I paused and waited for it to finish chiming seven times before taking another bite. It was tasteless. I forced the bit of chewed food past the lump in my throat, hearing the sound of my labored swallowing. Then, quiet again.  

Share STOP. KISSING. FINN.

I usually did my best writing in calc. Partly because we were still reviewing the stuff we’d already learned in pre-calc and partly because Mr. McGreary was so nearsighted behind those coke bottle glasses that he’d never noticed that I was scribbling bits of poetry instead of doing practice problems with the rest of the class. But over the last few days, I’d just stared at the same blank page, not even bothering to doodle in the margins. 

That day I was examining the dull point of my pencil when a folded note landed on my desk. It was in the shape of a swan. I carefully unfolded it. 

You left my party before I could give you your prize, it read. 

I scanned the room until I locked eyes with Andy, who was sitting two seats away to the left. Abigail Travers usually sat between us, but she was out with the flu. That left an empty seat between us. 

I stared at the note. Was he trying to make some kind of joke about what had happened with Jackie?  

Prize? I wrote and passed back the paper, not bothering with an attempt to recreate the swan. 

The note landed back on my desk seconds later. 

For best costume. It was a candy basket. But it sat around the house too long and my brother ate it. 

I looked over at him and smiled. 

Well, thanks anyway, I wrote.  

Andy waited for McGreary’s back to turn before passing it back. 

Also, are you okay?

I remembered the look we’d shared as I left the party.

Yeah, I’m fine.  

The note appeared again.  

Honestly – I didn’t even want to invite Jackie, but I had to because I was inviting everyone. She is pretty much the one person at this school that I can’t stand, it said. 

I blinked back surprise. My first instinct was to defend her. To tell Andy that she was actually a really thoughtful, funny person. That you just need to get to know her, and when you do you’ll realize just how fun she is. And, how much more fun you are when you’re around her. 

That was what I would have said two weeks ago. 

Yeah, we’re not friends anymore. Obviously, I wrote.   

The bell rang as McGreary assigned our homework for the night. Andy waited for me by the classroom door while I cleared off my desk and stuffed everything in my bag. 

“Ugh, do you get any of this?” he asked as we stepped into the hallway. Andy sort of glided as he walked. I looked down at his shoes, half expecting to find him wearing roller skates. But they were indoor soccer shoes. 

“You mean calc?”

“Yes, I've been clueless since the beginning of this unit and he never actually answers any of my questions... Jess!”

Jessica elbowed her way through the current of students and fell into step with Andy and me. She wore full make-up and a sequined black belt over a white dress that flared a little around her knees. She could have been coming from a dress rehearsal. Or study hall.

“Actually, I remember a lot of this from SAT prep.  For some reason that section just really stuck in my head,” I said, hoping I wouldn't sound conceited.

“You did really well on the math part, right?” Jessica asked in her little voice. She smiled at me. Her blue eyes sparkled under her mascara. 

I could count on one hand the number of times Jessica Doll had talked to me. How did she know about my SAT scores?

“Well, yeah...a little better than verbal.” 

“Stop being all modest, like you’re not some kind of math genius,” Andy said, shaking his head.  “You really need to help me with this unit, or I’m going to bomb midterms. I need someone who's not McGreary to explain it to me.”

“Once you do a few problems, you'll totally get it,” I said. I couldn’t tell if Andy felt bad about the party and was just trying to be nice or if he actually wanted to hang out. Or if he really thought I was his only hope for getting a decent grade in Calc. 

I glanced at Jessica for some kind of clue. She smiled back at me, revealing nothing. 

“We can get coffee at Scones,” he said, smiling, as if it was the best idea that anyone had ever had. Andy’s teeth were huge, or at least they seemed that way. In reality, they were probably normal-sized, but I just had this idea that his mouth was bigger than everyone else’s because of how much he used it. To sing, to laugh out loud, to ask questions in class. It was like his teeth were trying to keep up with his personality. “I mean, if you’re free,” he added.

“Yeah, I’m kind of there all the time.”

“Oh my god, you’re amazing,” he managed to say with some level of sincerity. “Okay, at like four? I have to stop by the music office after final period. What do you have next?” 

“My independent study. It's in the art room, actually,” I said as we neared the door. I craned my neck a little to see if Finn was there yet. 

“Okay, see you later. Whoever gets there first claims the purple chairs by the window,” he said, pointing both of his index fingers at me like little guns. 

“Got it.” 

He winked at me and spun around in the opposite direction. 

“Bye, Charlie!” Jessica yelled over her shoulder. 

I shook my head a little. It was like I’d been kidnapped by a tiny cheerleading squad. Or the world’s smallest glee club. 

I walked into the empty art room and tossed my bag onto the counter. I hadn't seen Finn since the party and wondered if, like Jackie and all her disciples, he was avoiding me, too. I couldn't tell if he'd been in the art room when I wasn't. I hadn't dared to venture to his side again. The last thing I needed was him walking in and finding me creeping around his stuff. 

As the second bell rang, he walked in. I could tell that he'd missed first period and had just gotten to school because his freshly showered hair still clung to his head in wet clumps and he was slightly out of breath from running down the hall. 

He threw down his bag and walked toward my side of the room. Since the party, I'd been trying to figure out what to say to him if I ever had the chance. I didn't know what he'd remember, or if he’d heard the things Jackie had said about me. That I wasn’t really a fun party girl who skipped school and sipped raspberry vodka from a flask. That I was actually  “boring” and “stuck.” 

“Hey,” I started to say, but he started talking before I could even open my mouth. 

“Hey, I've been wanting to talk to you,” he said. His lips formed a perfectly straight line. He stared at me, blinking his long lashes. 

“Okay.” 

Suddenly, an alarm sounded, and within seconds the halls were filled with kids' voices yelling over bodies shuffling and squeaking of sneakers. 

A teacher I didn't recognize poked her head into our room. 

“Let's go,” she said sternly. 

Did you check out my playlist from a few weeks ago? It was so fun to make, and it got me thinking… What if I channel my inner DJ Jessica Doll and end every chapter with a different track? One that if, I were scoring the film adaption of STOP. KISSING. FINN. (putting it out in the universe), I’d play as the scene faded to black. 

Let’s try it out.

Untouched The Veronicas

Currently spinning: Untouched by The Veronicas. Enjoy!