Girls' Night In - help! how do you wind down at night? 😴

Mary Anne here, and I'm really sorry you've been feeling this way. While we're here to give you tips, I do want to acknowledge something I know you already know, which is that there are sometimes circumstances—being in a pandemic, for example, or being a busy college student, or parenting!—that can just make waking up and winding down tougher.

I like what Rachel Miller wrote in this column. It was the summer of 2021, things were looking up (arguably more so than now...), and yet people were feeling stressed and sad and apathetic, for understandable reasons. She actually mentioned routines, too: "Instead of building a routine for the absolute best version of you...think about what small things that you, right now, in this particular moment, actually need to feel like yourself."

Similarly, earlier this month, Olivia wrote about embracing change over setting routines. And last week, we shared this article by Sophia Haigney about the genre of daily routine videos. While routines might give us structure or ease, "performing the perfect combination of activities in the right order at the right moments" as Haigney put it, doesn't get you to a perfect life. I polled readers on Instagram, and 62% of them actually said their mornings/nights change based on the day.

Still, there are going to be things that make you feel more energized than others or that help you feel more well rested. While we might not all have a regimen (if you do and it works for you, that's great!), we do all have things that make a morning or night better, and I was on a mission to find those things!

Cue more Instagram polling. Below, you can find what GNI readers do as part of their mornings and nights. Maybe you can think of these like building blocks to a routine that works for you, or you can keep them in mind on days you want to try something new. Some can help you welcome that change, too; one reader, Meghana, walks to a different coffee shop each morning, for example.

• Wake up gently: Erin sets a downstairs light on a morning timer so it wakes her up gently when it turns on. “As soon as I wake up, I turn on my salt lamp and heated blanket to warm up to the day,” says Meghan. Nellie says the Hatch alarm clock “wakes you up with a sunrise light and gentle noises.”

• Have a routine listen: Grace recommends Spotify’s Wake up/Wind Down podcast, while Mattie likes NPR’s Up First. Katie made an iPhone shortcut for morning routines, it “tells me the weather and starts The Daily while I get ready.” Others recommend music that gets you out of bed: Holly listens to the Encanto soundtrack, and Nicole puts 40s jazz and swing music on her record player.

• Morning reading: “Reading in the morning works much better for me than reading at night because when I read at night, I get through a page and fall asleep,” says Allana, who most recently read the aptly-named Early Morning Riser by Katherine Heiny. Jamie usually starts mornings with essay collections, and Graceland at Last was a recent “extraordinary” read. Katarina wakes up with an audiobook with an inspiring message. Recently, it's been The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown.

• Apps you love and phone tips: Kat recommends Insight Timer for meditation. Birju recommends using the built-in iPhone bedtime set up, “which has a nice chirping sound as my alarm.” Stacey likes the Sleep Cycle app, which can help you track and analyze your sleep. Alessia says the Pillow app “wakes you up when you start to stir in your sleep, so you’re not jolted out of deep sleep."

  • Note: Several readers said they prefer to avoid the phone for the first few hours of being awake. To help with this, Monica recommends this analog alarm clock instead of a phone.

• Get your brain going: Several mentions of Wordle and crossword puzzles! Hannah recommends a 5-minute journal. “It actually helped me form the habit of journaling AM and PM,” she says.

• Morning beverages: Lots of readers mentioned coffee, tea, hot cocoa, and other warm drinks. I cosign. Something that's made my mornings better is having a dedicated station. I keep tea, coffee, and a scale on this organizer; my coffee scoop and tea strainer live in the cup it comes with, and my pour over dripper hangs on its hook. For Mia, buying this gooseneck kettle made pour-over coffee that much more satisfying.

• Breakfast ideas: Izzy's go-to breakfast, soy-sauce marinated medium-boiled eggs from Meera Sodha’s cookbook East, makes mornings better. Several folks recommended overnight oats for easy breakfasts—Emily’s recipe is equal parts milk and rolled oats with a drizzle of maple syrup and any mix-ins you like. Also, a pre-breakfast rec: “I heat up some bone broth in the morning before walking my pup, more like a pre-breakfast to avoid getting hangry before my real breakfast,” says Kat.

• Consider starting earlier: Liz sets an alarm at 8pm to remind her to start winding down. Instead of a set night routine, Jennifer has a "shut down routine" earlier in the evening to transition out of work. This includes things like “tackling one item on my to-do list, jotting down a work accomplishment, picking a must-do for the next day, and then setting my work phone to ‘do not disturb.’"

• Something soothing: Jaclyn recommends crocheting a little bit every night: "It really helps me to unwind and relax my mind." Stephanie turns on an “ambiance” video on YouTube on her TV—"Calmed by Nature is probably my favorite channel"—and plays Candy Crush. Similarly, Trilby unwinds with ASMR videos, particularly from Gentle Whispering, itsblitzz, and RaffyTaffy ASMR. Several people mentioned Animal Crossing!

• Journaling: To stop work-related stress from seeping into her after-work hours, Michelle started keeping “a bad vibes journal” where she works out all the not-so-great things that happened that day. “Writing it out helps me work out why I feel that way and what I can do about it, and the process lets me acknowledge those feelings.” Other readers mentioned writing in gratitude journals.

• More books: Several people mentioned books and nightly reading. Not all books are good for before bed, so here's some strategy:

  • Read light: “I prefer lighter reads before bed… if I get into a mystery or thriller I tend to want to read the entire thing and then before you know it, it’s 2am.” -Rachel, whose recent light read was The People We Meet on Vacation by Emily Henry

  • Or, plug away at a long book over time: Two readers recommend the adventurous, epic Outlander by Diana Gabaldon (thanks, Becca and Kristi!). “The thousand pages are just flying by,” says Becca. 

  • Unwind with poetry: Kathleen likes to read from the poetry anthology 100 Essential American Poems.

  • Maybe read something other than a book: “I like reading fashion and lifestyle magazines before bed. For me, it’s a bit of light reading that helps me wind down, disconnect from the day, and that I know I will be able to put down after 20 or 30 minutes (versus a book that might be too stimulating). Print is easier on my eyes after staring at a computer/phone/TV screens all day,” says Delia.

  • A fictional escape: "I’ve been taking a lot of comfort in reading ‘cheesy’ rom-com books. With everything going on in the world, it’s nice to escape to cozy fictional worlds! Recently, I’ve enjoyed Mariana Zapata, Jen DeLuca, and Lyssa Kay Adams books,” says Monica.

  • Cadence and chapter size is key: Caitlin is currently reading Great Circle by Maggie Shipstead and says "its bite size chapters have been great for nighttime reading."

• Some help for when you have trouble sleeping: “Any time a friend mentions trouble sleeping, I recommend this podcast,” says Natalie. “It works so well!” Amelia recommends the Calm app's sleep stories. Also, lots of people mentioned the classic Sleepytime Tea. 

Thanks for reading, and thanks to readers who contributed their thoughts! —Mary Anne