Pictured: A bountiful bouquet of flavors: yogurt raspberry cake with basil Swiss meringue buttercream; topped with flowers and fruits 🌷 by Lucie Franc de Ferriere.

Good morning and happy Friday!

Thanks to everyone who wrote in this week in response to my question in last week's issue: are you feeling more or less ambitious these days?

Your emails were vulnerable and thoughtful, and a broad range of perspectives was shared. (There's also a lively discussion happening in this Instagram post.) One thing is clear: based on the sheer volume of emails received, this is clearly a topic many of you have been thinking about! I’ll let your notes speak for themselves in the section below.

(As a preface, I should note that this is all a privileged conversation. To have the choice of whether or not I want to be ambitious feels like a privilege that not everyone gets to enjoy.)

Unrelatedly, there is a fun giveaway at the end we put together with our friends from Open Spaces, so please check that out. (And congrats to our Bridgerton S2 winners from last week!)

Until next week,
Alisha Ramos 

This Week's Recommendations

GNI Readers Share How They're Feeling About Their Ambition Right Now

Kate W. on turning down big opportunities:

“I was recently wondering if something was ‘wrong’ with me because in the past year and a half I declined a promotion at my old job, got a new job, and just in the last month didn't apply for my former manager's job after she left the company despite her encouraging me to do so. I've even been turning down freelance work. 

While I was wrestling with what to do about all these opportunities, I realized that I simply don't want more work-related responsibility. More responsibility would inevitably lead to more time spent working. Then I had a brief existential crisis where I wondered if I was just lazy. Nope. I just do not want to devote more of my life to work.

I realized it boils down to the fact that I'm not willing to give up my free time for more money. And I'm finally becoming comfortable with that. 

I'm putting my ambition toward becoming a better mountain biker, a better runner, a better knitter, reading more books, and spending more time outside. I can do a good job at work and still put most of my ambition toward things that make me happy outside of work.”

Tegan G. on discovering European work-life balance:

“I have never been LESS ambitious! 

My partner and I sold/donated all our stuff, took a huge pay cut, and did a total reset from intense workaholic life in Boston to new jobs in Amsterdam a few months ago.… and we’ve never been happier. 

Spontaneous weekend trip to Rome? Yes! Work calls mid-Sunday hiking trip? Absolutely neverrrrr again. European work-life balance shows me how little I had of it before, and I no longer see my career as having to be a big part of my identity in order to be proud of myself.”

Jen D. on finding ambition elsewhere:

“I quit my job during early COVID, moved abroad for a grad program, and have made some other drastic life changes along the way.

I now pour extra ambition into my love of running and less into  socializing/networking/going out (which I realized was never a priority and left my introverted self exhausted). 

Regardless of the money on the future table; I will never again work in an office. I love love love love love WFH and the flexibility it gives me to socialize less and run more. I took a leap of faith in making a career change and am loving being back in school.

Hope someone reads this and realizes you do just have lots of ambition but it might be in the wrong place, and it’s never too late to make a change!”

Sarah M. on a big realization after baby:

“As someone who has always been ‘ambitious’ (33 now, working since my first job at 15, grad school, internships, etc.) I've never considered *not* striving for perfect as an option. 

But I always had this nagging feeling in the back of my mind when I wasn't online all night like some of my colleagues—am I not ambitious enough? 

It started to hit home when I got pregnant and especially when I had my first child (right at the start of the pandemic) that I can be good at my job, enjoy my job, but not LIVE to work— because hey! I have a family, and honestly I'd way rather spend time with them than behind a computer—and that's okay. Admitting that though, especially in this ‘girl boss’ culture, feels like admitting failure.”

Shannon W. on jumping back into the workforce after kids:

“I stepped out of the workforce after having my twins (hello lack of paid leave/affordable childcare options) and just returned back this week after 8 years of caretaking for my three kids.

I was very conscious of what I wanted—or, maybe more specifically, DIDN'T want—in going back to work. While this comes from a position of privilege (my husband's salary more than pays the bills), I really wanted to go back to work on MY terms. For me, this meant remote work, flexible hours, and the ability to still do things like volunteer weekly at my kids' school.

To me, success and ambition are no longer about long hours, fancy titles, and how ‘busy’ I am. It's about capturing that ever-elusive work-life balance as best I can, and feeling supported both as an employee and a partner at home.”

Rainesford Stauffer, author of An Ordinary Age: Finding Your Way in a World That Expects Exceptional (and a forthcoming book on ambition!):

“The pressure to earn 'gold stars' in various facets of life is real, not just for achievement's sake, but because it feels like proof that we did something, we're hanging in there, we're okay. But who gets to be ambitious, and in what ways, are really foundational questions a lot of conversation on "hustling" still doesn't take into account. One of the most fulfilling parts of reporting this book is hearing about how people are reimagining their ambition–not just in regard to work, but about what it means to show up for others, how we find meaning, and recalibrating what adds up to a fulfilled life, including the resources that requires. 

One of the most fascinating things that has emerged while reporting the book is this idea that to be ambitious means having steadfast commitment to all dreams and plans you've made, and nothing changing. In rethinking my own ambition, I noticed how tethered I was to that fear: that changing my focus meant giving up. But that can be ambitious, too. Instead of this narrow definition of ambition, I think we need a more expansive version.”

Alexa T. - “Ambition can wax and wane.”

“My ambition is on hold in that I keep saying, ‘I don't have to do *that thing* now. I have time.’ And if I never get there, then that's ok, too. I'm just not in a mindset of seeking more, more, more—money, power, recognition, influence. 

What I told a friend recently about not wanting to run for office again this year was, "I kinda want everyone to just stop looking at me." I would like to just sink back into whatever "normal" might look like in 2022, be happy, and make up for what I missed last year. Ambition can wax and wane, I decided.”

This Anonymous Reader feels MORE ambitious:

“I feel guilty, but my work life has improved so much during the pandemic that I've shaken off the malaise I felt for the last decade and regained my ambition. I don't have kids and live alone, and work in a field that never would have allowed me to WFH. I felt miserable during my hour-long commute into the city, the awkward small talk with my coworkers, and the ceaseless hell of working 60 hours a week in a cubicle that made me feel like a prey animal flushed out of its den.

When I started WFH, all of that fell away. The extra time and mental bandwidth let me think about what I wanted from my life. I went back to school for a graduate degree and have accepted a job for more than twice my previous salary! I never would have been brave enough to go back to school at 30 without the pandemic.

I feel guilty because I know people with children or spouses, and people who work in healthcare who have lost loved ones, their physical health, and their mental health in the last few years. I'm writing in because I could never tell anyone how grateful I am for the last two years.”

Ariana B. on ambition, obligation, and guilt:

“As the daughter of an immigrant, I was raised to believe that my success was my mother’s success; therefore, I owed her my ambition.  It wasn’t until I was deciding on a graduate school and had to choose between taking out $200k in loans to attend Harvard or paying less at a top state school program. 

Knowing I alone was taking on the financial burden, I chose the state school (and it was absolutely the right choice for me), but I often feel guilty thinking of the sacrifices my mother made for me to get an education, just for me to turn down the opportunity of a lifetime. She didn’t get to pursue the education she always wanted, and when it was my turn, I opted out. It’s something I will grapple with for a long time.”

Justine C. - “My ambition almost killed me.”:

“Last year my ambition almost killed me, forcing me to take a leave from my high profile corporate job and retreating from every social activity so I could recuperate and take care of myself, leaving all ambition in the past. 

I developed anxious and depressive symptoms that affected my sleep, appetite, body and most importantly my mind. It was a rude awakening for me: the ‘girl boss’ era was over and I had to do things for me.”

Rachel M. on ambitious personal goals, not professional ones:

“I used to be so concerned about prestige - I wanted the prestigious jobs and titles just so I could brag about it. 

But now? I want to pursue the things that make me happy and bring me joy. The pandemic prompted me to sit down with myself and think about what I really want. What are my dreams? What are my goals? What do I really want to do here on earth?

Through much introspection, I’ve realized that I want to be more creative and share that creativity with others. I have an idea for a children’s book series that I’m going to write, and I’m dedicating more time to writing poetry like I used to do before I became so busy with my job. These sound like such little things, and it’s definitely been a ‘baby steps’ type of progress on this, but I’m so excited to pursue these personal goals!”

This Week's Reads

• A can't-miss profile of the space-princess-pop-star Grimes. Don't miss the part where it's revealed she has a secret baby. (Vanity Fair)

• In which Lee Pace answers all the questions we had about Pushing Daisies, which was a perfect show. Also: can we talk about that hair? (Vulture)

• What I Lost & Found When I Froze My Eggs (Refinery29)
   
• An interesting read about "goblin mode." Have you heard of it? Are we in goblin mode or are we in hot vax summer...? (The Guardian)
   
• An interview with the author of The Invisible Kingdom, a new book that "shines a light on women's chronic pain." Promptly adding the book to our list. (Bitch Media)
   
• Min Jin Lee, the author of Pachinko, is using her platform to offer a more nuanced picture of Asian-American life. (Bloomberg)
   
• WFH perks. (Twitter)