Do you set unrealistic expectations for yourself? 😬

Hi Reader, 

How often do you get caught in unrealistic expectations about your creativity or your productivity?

So many artists (and many of my creative coaching clients) tend to be really hard on themselves, and this self-criticism usually is coupled with setting sky high expectations, which, for humans, are usually unrealistic.

If you relate to this, I’m with you! Placing impossible expectations on ourselves is such a familiar story for me (and lots of other recovering perfectionists).

When you set expectations that you can’t meet, you naturally are going to fall short, then probably feel bad about yourself. Then you feel defeated, and perhaps don't want to try again, because of the harsh expectations.

The way that we break that cycle is by being more self compassionate.

Often when we have expectations we can’t live up to, it feels like it’s coming from somewhere internal, but it might be that your brain has co-opted a “should” from someone else and claimed it as your own.

The good news here is that we all have the ability to reframe and change our expectations to make them more self compassionate!

Also, you get to decide for yourself what is a realistic or unrealistic expectation. If any of these sound familiar, that’s an opportunity to ask yourself whether that expectation is serving you or not. 

If it isn't, how could you shift it to make it more self compassionate?

If you hear these expectations and think, “Wow, these are really holding me back,” launching yourself into a self-deprecating spiral, go ahead and question whatever negative thoughts have come forth.

The first step to shifting your mindset is questioning. 

You don't need to change your whole mindset right away, and you can't really change everything in an instant, anyway! It's a process, and the first part of that process is just questioning, “Is this true? Do I have to be hooked into this idea?” If you can find the answer to be no in that moment, great, but if not, keep questioning.

Here are a few areas where unrealistic expectations commonly come up:

• I have to be constantly productive in order to achieve my goals

This is a great recipe for burnout, and compassionate productivity is something I’ve talked about at length on Being A Whole Person.

Remember that productivity doesn’t just mean doing - other things that replenish your energy are productive. Also, you don’t have to work hard and do all the things in order to prove you’re a good person! My definition of compassionate productivity is productivity with a purpose, which enables you to do the work and create the art you feel you were put on this planet to do.

• Expecting success to happen quickly or overnight

Even though our culture loves an “overnight success” story, these stories usually underplay the years of groundwork laid before that (sorry to ruin the magic, but I have to keep it real!)

If you feel like a failure because you're not succeeding fast enough, maybe you can approach your work differently and embrace the process more. Sometimes you don't know what's going to move you forward, and the seeds you’re planting will bloom unexpectedly. Don't give up hope, because you never know what is just around the corner - if your creative work is important to you, keep going!

• Expecting good ideas every time we create

We've definitely seen this romanticized idea of creativity, like the poet at a cafe, smiling and enraptured by their writing - sure, those experiences happen, and they're awesome when they do. But some days you don’t have good ideas (and I mean “good” according to your own opinion, not mine or anyone else’s), and that’s so normal! Even master artists with prolific careers made tons of stuff they’d consider bad, that we will never see.

Every time you show up to your creative practice, you're honing your craft and making yourself available for the next great idea.

The more that we dismantle the idea that we have to have good ideas every time we create, the less scary it gets, too, because then you're not afraid of making something “bad” that day, you can just show up tomorrow, and make some more, and that commitment is what ensures that you get to the good stuff.

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I go into more depth on these ideas and cover more common unrealistic expectations on the latest episode of Being A Whole Person (and if you don’t want to listen, there’s also a transcript), so check that out to help yourself reframe your own expectations more compassionately.

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Did any of these expectations feel familiar to you? Were there any that came up for you that I didn't mention? I would love to hear about it. Hit reply and let me know!

Stay well, my friends - I'm always rooting for you. My inbox is always open, so please feel free to reach out if I can help in any way. 

I always love hearing from you!

Have a lovely week! ⁠

Rebecca

• Dear Childhood Me - My lovely friend Nōn Wels just released this new journal, a heart-led invitation to give your inner child the love, empathy, and nourishment they (and you!) deserve. It looks awesome, and it's available for pre-sale (with bonuses) until May 4. Here's my letter to 4-year-old me.

• Want to Declutter Your Brain? Cross something off your "needle list" - Some helpful insight into why we put off quick and seemingly easy tasks for months or years. 
• Help! Brain Overload - As we get overwhelmed, neuroergonomic tactics can relieve the cognitive burden, and our brains will thank us!

• Ep. 60: 8 Common Unrealistic Expectations for Artists to Leave Behind

• Mini-sode: Supporters Need Support, too!
  
  

A friendly reminder and validation that everyone needs and is deserving of support, even those of us who do service-based work - we don’t have to be perfect!

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(Your first session is free to try!)

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Coaching Offerings:

• Rise Above the Overwhelm: laser-focused 1-time sessions

• Creative Flow Intensive (1 month)

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• Email Coaching (monthly membership, or discounts for paying quarterly!)