Hello all,

Long time no see! My spontaneous summer break ended up being a lot longer than intended and I’ve really missed writing to you. Thanks so much to everyone who has checked in with me and said they were missing this newsletter. I am not closing it and am going to come back regularly, it’s just I have had a lot going on and I’m working on some big things that I know you are all going to love when I can share them!

Aside from the projects I’m working on, I’ve also been juggling lots of other stuff. For example, I tried to buy a house and that was all-consuming. I failed because I kept being outbid, sadly. The first one was the worst as I’d totally fallen in love with the property and was heartbroken. Hopefully one day I’ll succeed but I’ve put it on pause for now. It really is hard to buy alone and I salute anyone who has done it. Anyway with everything going on and my growing anxiety about the impending cost of living crisis here in the UK and a rising fear that I’ll be handed a no fault eviction and have no where to go (the renting market in the UK is dire at the moment!), I’ve been struggling with terrible writer’s block when it comes to this newsletter. I’m sorry I haven’t been around.

Luckily I know some amazing writers and one of them – Emily Morris – agreed to write a piece for me on the housing crisis and how policy makers still don’t understand that not everyone lives with a partner and children. You may remember that she wrote this ode to her bed a while ago. I really wanted to cover this topic as I know so many of you are feeling anxious and it doesn’t seem so far like the new prime minister is going to do very much for us – and Emily has said all the things I’ve been thinking!

Sending you so much love if you are struggling with your bills or are feeling anxious about winter and how you’ll manage.

Have a good week,

Nicola

Twitter: @Nicola_Slawson | Instagram: @Nicola_Slawson

You might be single, but you're not alone when it comes to the cost of living crisis

By Emily Morris

You don't need a scientific calculator to work out that living as a couple is cheaper than living as a single person, but right now, it's more expensive than ever. Recent analysis by Ocean Finance revealed that single people spend on average £630.30 a month more on outgoings than those who live as part of a couple. 

Individual circumstances differ of course, but generally, living with a partner means two incomes and someone to split the bills with. In the light of the current cost-of-living crisis, what might have been a bit of a squeeze for single people just two or three years ago is becoming downright impossible. 

Take housing, for example, arguably the most essential of all outgoings. According to Rightmove, rents are rocketing at the fastest rate ever. They're up by 11% since last year, with monthly rent outside London averaging £1,088. And because of the gender pay gap, it's women who are worst affected. In 2019, the Women's Budget Group published research showing 'there is no region in England where the average home to rent is affordable for a woman on median earnings.'  Note that this was before rents soared out of control.

My own neighbourhood has been hit by a double-whammy of these price increases and gentrification. Here, the monthly rent on a two-bed terraced house, the type I have always lived in with my 16 year old son, has risen from roughly £500 to up to £900 in the space of about five years. Even one-bedroomed flats are marketed at £800 a month. These prices might not sound much to a Londoner, but the increase has been sharp and cruel. As with the rest of the country, there's a severe lack of social housing, forcing many into a brutal private rental market. Rents are way too high for a single person, but add in a partner and they suddenly become just-about affordable. The thing is you can't just go out and instantly find a serious partner, even if you want to. Bumble is not Amazon Prime. 

Often when I talk to people about my rent, they'll say things like 'that's shocking, we're paying less than that on our mortgage.' Can you spot the problem with this sentence? If you're single, you probably can. Aside from the fact I'd need to be earning approximately three times my current salary to be even considered for a mortgage (never mind saving a massive deposit first), my pronouns are 'I / my' (as well as she / her), not 'we' / 'our'.

I truly believe that people who speak in plural first-person pronouns often don't even realise they're doing it. So established are they in their partnerships, that it's a genuine reflex to talk about 'us' instead of 'me', especially around matters of money or the home. When 'we' comes to you so organically, you're part of a team, which (in most cases) means you've got back-up, if not financial, emotional.

It's hard to write about this without sounding embittered, but the fact is I've never fancied living with a partner. At almost 40, I've never done it. I'm untidy and I like to do my own thing. I'm very happy to go on dates and have fun with none of the domesticity. Sure, if someone amazing (and extremely tolerant) came along, I'd consider cohabiting, but it's absolutely not top of my agenda when I'm browsing the dating apps (thank God). What I'm saying here isn't 'woe is me, I don't have a serious partner'. What I'm saying is 'woe is me, why do we live in a society where you need to have a serious partner in order to be able to afford something as fundamental as a home?' 

As things stand, when my son goes to uni in a couple of years, I'll lose the single parent element of Universal Credit (UC) and only be able to afford a room in a houseshare, leaving him with no home to come back to when he needs it. I'm considering a career change, because writing books and my beloved job in a school library won't be viable for much longer.

Recently I read a Twitter discussion about the nationally low salaries of school support staff like me. 'Those wages just supplement partners' income', someone wrote. There it was: the belief that every adult must come as part of a couple.

Last month, the Government announced their 'Benefits to Bricks' initiative, which would see UC counted as income on mortgage applications. Many were quick to point out that having enough savings for a house deposit would probably disqualify you from claiming UC. Aside from that, according to the Guardian live blog on the day of the announcement, a Government spokesperson quoted  “a hypothetical case study involving a couple with two children...”

See, the baseline is never one but two, especially to Conservative policy-makers.

There are so many ways to live that aren't automatically finding one partner and pairing up with them for life, but despite it being 2022, that is still the presumed default. This archaic assumption is depressing and, I'd go as far to say, dangerous. If the only way we're expected to afford to live is as part of a couple, it could mean lowering of standards, people moving in together too swiftly, finding themselves trapped in unhappy or even abusive relationships. Money is never a reason to seek out a partner, or to stay with one.

I'm sorry I don't have any magic answers. This isn't an article about how you should invest in a heated gilet to save on bills, or the optimum time to visit the supermarket to catch the yellow-stickered food. Sadly, there are plenty of articles like that. What I can offer you is understanding, and solidarity, and hope things won't always be this tough. In a world that seems made for 'we's, there are still plenty of 'I's. You might be single, but you're certainly not on your own.

Emily Morris is a writer and journalist based in Manchester. Her first book, My Shitty Twenties: a Memoir, is published by Salt and tells her story of having a baby when she was young, single and bewildered. She is currently working on her second book, a novel set on the hen do from hell. You can follow her on Twitter here.

Things you should check out

• On being a Gold Star Single – This article by a Single Supp reader made me well up. I was so touched by what she says about the community and newsletter and what it’s meant to her.

• Can We Talk About The Cost Of Being Single Right Now? – Lots of great points made in this HuffPost article.

• Cost of living crisis: why single people are facing more financial pressure than ever before – Here’s another one! While the topic is depressing, I am so glad that these publications are paying attention to the impact it is having on single people.

• Archetypes podcast: The Stigma of the Singleton w/ Mindy Kaling – I am beyond THRILLED that Meghan Markle has tackled the stigma of being single on her new podcast. Hope it challenges some people’s thinking!

• The biggest leap: What’s it like to completely start over in your forties? – I’m hurtling ever closer to reaching my forties so this was nice to read.

• Women over 40 are getting pickier over the men we date. No wonder there are more lonely single men – an interesting read from Poorna Bell.

• I’ve Been Celibate For 3 Years & I Feel More Sexually Empowered Than Ever – This is the latest in R29’s Single Files.

• Advice For Starting Again Financially After A Break Up – This is such an important topic especially right now.

• Why should child-free plane passengers be expected to move for families? – This article sparked a debate in the Facebook group.

• You Don’t Have To Compensate For Being Single – By the one and only Shani Silver.

• Questions Single Women Still Get Asked When They Buy or Build a House – YES.

• Spinsterhood Reimagined podcast: The One Where I Talk About Not Having Kids – This is from a few months ago but I thought it may be helpful for those who are ambiguous about whether they want children or not. As well as those who are childfree by choice.

• ‘We had such trust, we feel such fools’: how shocking hospital mistakes led to our daughter’s death – This has absolutely nothing to do with being single but it was written by a colleague of mine and I think it could help save a life in the future should any of us ever be in the position where we have to advocate for a loved one.

About me

nicola_slawson

A post shared by Nicola Slawson (@nicola_slawson)

For those who don’t know, I’m Nicola Slawson, a freelance journalist who lives in Shropshire, UK. If you particularly liked this edition, you can buy me a coffee, here’s the link to my Ko-Fi page. Follow me on Instagram and Twitter.

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