I have a guest piece for you today! I was going to do a catch up post as I’ve had quite a few new subscribers since I appeared on BBC Radio 2 but I’ve had this piece on hold for a couple of weeks as I had to get over things out so I’ve decided to share it today.

It’s by Mollie Quirk. Some of you may remember I shared an article she wrote about never having a boyfriend and being a virgin, which some of you related to. Here she delves deeper into what she has learned from a solo life and also what she has learned from her single mother. I love what she says about her mum’s “independence and sheer determination to not let being single bring her down”.

For those who don’t know, I have an agony aunt column for paying subscribers. However anyone can write in with their problem and if you put your email address in, I’ll forward the written response to you. Give me a shout if you have any problems or need advice on anything. Just fill in this very short form (bonus points if you choose a good pseudonym).

Have a good week!

Nicola

Twitter: @Nicola_Slawson | Instagram: @Nicola_Slawson

Society won’t agree with me, but I think I have it all

By Mollie Quirk

When I tell people that I’ve been single my whole life, they usually don’t believe me. People think that being single for 24 consecutive years is impossible, a myth, and something that “surely can’t be true” – but I guess I’m living proof. Living proof of basking in solitude and living a life that’s truly authentic to myself and a life that’s completely on my terms… even if society doesn’t agree with me.

We’re taught to conform to the notion that we all need somebody – a person that we live with, love with, and share our lives and ourselves with. But what if this isn’t what we want?

I’ve never been in a relationship, had a first kiss, had sex and I’ve never had to factor somebody else’s feelings and schedule into my life. Sometimes I feel selfish and like I should know how to uphold a relationship, make love to somebody else, and how to accommodate the life of another person and intertwine it with my own. Despite feeling this way, for the most part I’m more than content with the way things have turned out and really, I wouldn’t change anything that’s happened in my life leading up to this very moment. I don’t care that I’m a virgin or have no experience in the realm of love and relationships – because what I lack in this department, I make up for in every other area. I’m a moderately successful young woman living life on my own terms – society won’t agree with me here, but I think I have it all.

molliemunroquirk

A post shared by Mollie Quirk (@molliemunroquirk)

My contentment with being single probably stems from growing up in a single parent household and being raised by my mum. Single for the majority of my life as I grew up, my mum is proof that nobody needs a significant other to survive, thrive, and lead a life that brings joy and happiness. Because I have seen her independence and strength to stand in solitude every day of my life – I know that being single is okay and nothing to be ashamed of or be desperate to change.

And because of my mum’s independence and sheer determination to not let being single bring her down, I’ve been able to be my own person throughout my entire life, with no strings attached to anybody meaning that my life has been just that – mine. I work the hours I want without worrying about fitting my life around somebody else; I paint my living room in bright colours and use funky wallpapers without objection; I don’t worry about how I look 24/7; and I spend and save my money in the exact ways that I want to. 

Not only do I do everything I want to do in my life free from judgement, but I’ve never had to rely on anybody to bring me joy or make me feel good about myself – I’ve only ever had to rely on me. Whether it be hyping myself up and giving myself a confidence boost, or doing things that spark happiness in my day-to-day life. This means I’m kind of set in my ways and have tunnel vision for everything I desire, knowing I’m capable of achieving whatever I want – on my own. It seems selfish and self-centred, even typing this now, but who even said that we have to get into relationships by a certain age, or at all? Especially if it comes at the expense of you altering your life beyond recognition. 

But just because I’ve never shacked up with anybody isn’t to say I don’t long for a loving relationship – one day – but because being single is all I have ever known, you could say I’ve made peace with being single and living my life on my terms, meaning I’m in no rush and happy to go with the flow, completely surrendering to the Universe. One day I would love to fall in love and settle down with the right person – but I’m not prepared to give up any aspect of my life for something mediocre or somebody that would expect me to sacrifice my life as I live it today – and if that’s selfish, I really couldn’t care less. 

My life is mine and I’ll do exactly what I want with it – and you should too.

Mollie Quirk is a 24-year-old freelance journalist, writer and reporter. In her free time she is a self-confessed style queen and body positive babe, who shares her thoughts on body image and curvy style. She has blogged for eight years and has written for Cosmopolitan, Stylist, Metro etc. You can follow her on Instagram and Twitter.

Things you should check out

• Rishi Sunak focusing on ‘families’ in the Spring Statement made single people feel isolated and alone – I wrote this about the importance of inclusive language.

• Why is Being Single and Child-Free So Threatening to Society? – “External pressure inevitably becomes internalized, leading to a sense of “shame, guilt, disappointment and anxiety for uncoupled people” even though there’s nothing atypical about it.”

• HIV diagnosis with Nathaniel J Hall (Totally Fine podcast) – Lots of food for thought around shame! Highly recommend.

• S1, Ep 1 Best Friend Therapy: Boundaries - What are they? Do we need them? How do we say no? – I enjoyed this. It’s Elizabeth Day’s new podcast with her best friend Emma Reed Turrell.

• How to self-partner, why Emma Watson and other celebrities have joined the movement, and the benefits of being your own better half – “Treat yourself like you would a romantic partner by asking what you would like and what would make you feel loved, and then make space for that.”

• A Creative Solution to ‘the Friendship Desert of ModAdulthood’ – Interesting concept! Would you try it?

• The Friend Who Taught Her She Could Make It as a Single Mom – Another from the same series.

• ‘There are 60 other applicants for every house’: the rental crisis pushing single mothers to extremes – This is by Guardian Australia but I think the picture is similar elsewhere and certainly is in the UK.

• No-faults divorce: rush expected as new law introduced in England and Wales – Looks like there are going to be more in our community soon.

• The Anxiety of Still Being Single in My Late 20s – The writer of this is Thai and Iranian, and in both these cultures, women are expected to get married in their early to mid-20s hence being anxious in her late 20s.

• Where Are People Less Lonely? – This article annoyed me so not exactly a recommendation but a talking point! It conflates being single with loneliness and measures which states are the loneliness by the number of single households and dating app searches. Hard eye roll!

• Wake up to a happy home: how to design a feelgood house – some cute ideas here.

• I’m Asexual & Partners Always Think I’ll Change My Mind About Sex – “Dating people who disrespected me and my sexuality made me feel more lonely than when I was single.”

• “Growing Older Is Something To Be Celebrated”: Sorry, But Anti-Ageing Skincare Is A Scam – “The traditional and unrealistic beauty ideals of eternal youth are certainly becoming outdated.”

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About me

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A post shared by Nicola Slawson (@nicola_slawson)

For those who don’t know, I’m Nicola Slawson, a freelance journalist who lives in Shropshire, UK. If you particularly liked this edition, you can buy me a coffee, here’s the link to my Ko-Fi page. Follow me on Instagram and Twitter.

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