If you have struggled with people-pleasing, one of the hardest things to do is to say “no,” and set boundaries. 

However, people-pleasers are extremely unhappy and drained because they have lost their sense of self as they do everything they can to please others. 

People-pleasing usually results from trauma in early childhood that has to do with the parents withholding affection and even abuse, in addition to bullying. 

Therefore, that will destroy one’s self-esteem and make one do anything one can to win the approval of others. 

That is why they will neglect their needs and wants so they can win the approval of others. Therefore, they are desperate for others to like them. 

They will sacrifice themselves as they lose themselves, so they do what they can for others to like them. 

That can include doing favors for others that they don’t want to do, withholding genuine opinions and agreeing with what others say anyway, or doing everything they can to avoid conflict. 

People-pleasing destroys your mind, body, and soul. And that said, how do people-pleasers truly feel within? I wrote an article on Medium about that:

5 Insidious And Secretive Traits, Feelings, And Thoughts That Echoists Have

Therefore, the best thing to do is to reclaim their power and stop people-pleasing. 

That is easier said than done, especially if you have been falling into this role for decades. It will take a lot of therapy to stop. The best therapists would have to specialize in trauma. 

However, if you are on your way to recovering from people-pleasing, congratulations, as that is a bold step to take, it will not be an overnight process. 

And to help complement any therapy you might be receiving, here is a tarot spread that can help you set boundaries. 

Boundary-Setting Four-Card Tarot Spread

Here is an excellent simple tarot spread for setting boundaries, as I got this from The Simple Tarot. 

Now you have the spread here, and all you need to do is shuffle the cards and place the ones you feel compelled to pull to set in the positions in the spread. Here are what the cards in the spread represent:

Card One: The Individual That Asks A Lot Of You

Who asks you to give too much of your time and energy? 

Or, it may be a few people who do this, and even if you were to tell them you can’t, they would not accept that as an answer and will keep pestering you. 

This individual does not have any concerns about your boundaries. 

Cards Two And Three: Guidance On Your Response To Them

Both cards two and three will indicate how you can respond to any of these people who ask too much of you next time. 

Strategize what you will say, and remember, you do not owe them an explanation for why you refuse to help them or do something for them. 

Card Four: How You Will Find Your Power Within

It is challenging to set boundaries, and it also is hard to keep your boundaries. Therefore, support is necessary. 

Card four will indicate how you will find the strength and power to firm up your boundaries for those trying to push them. 

Next week I will do a spread to show you what comes up, and I have some other cool stuff for you next week. Stay tuned. 

Aside from that, you can check some articles I have written in Tarot Talk over the past week:

People-Pleasers: The Ten of Wands Has An Important Message

How The Devil Tarot Card Can Represent Something Healthy

5 Reasons Why The Three of Swords Is Not So Bleak