We all know the answer: Ebon Moss-Bachrach, who plays Richard “Richie” Jerimovich in the FX television series, The Bear. But I get paid to write about soccer, so what if we focused in on that world for now?

Mbappé, too, leads the way with a nice, round 200 shots attempted in 2023. However, he doesn't have the most goals.

That instead would be ... Al Nassr's Cristiano Ronaldo, who continues to defy Father Time by prolonging his absurd attacking exploits well into his -- OK, I can't do this. Can we please stop acting like Ronaldo scoring 50-something goals in a terrible league that no one cared about a year ago is something worth celebrating? His team isn't even in first place! It's almost as if, even in Saudi Arabia -- and as we saw in Italy and in England -- Ronaldo's one-dimensional goals-and-nothing-else approach totally unabalances his team while propping up his own individual statistics! What are we doing, people?!

Wishing you all a happy and healthy and fruitful and restorative New Year. Thanks, as always, for reading. More to come in 2024.