Right, before we start: Have you remembered to take your meds? Have you washed your face? Have you taken a deep breath, one that goes all the way into your stomach? Good.
One of the worst types of people are the ones that say, 'Oh, so you're blocking anyone who has a different opinion to yours? So all your followers just agree with you? Oh yeah, good luck learning something new! I thought you lefties were meant to be open-minded.'
You just know that people who say this also use one of those shampoo-conditioner-bodysoap-toothpaste-dishwashing-soap-all-in-one bottles. You just know they're the same people that used that 'let me google that for you' link way too much, even when it didn't make sense. They definitely take someone's funny tweet and edit it so it looks like they did it and post it on their personal Facebook profile, so their neighbour's aunt can comment 'ha ha @carole your husband is so funny, every day must be a right laugh around there' and it makes him feel better about failing every day as a human being.
I don't just block people who disagree with me. I block people who are annoying. Who are intrusive. I recently blocked a guy because I posted an Instagram story where I made a pouty face with the text 'I have 70 unanswered emails'. He DM'ed me and said, 'You're lucky, that's what I used to get every day at work'.
Now. I get it. If I saw someone pout and say 'I have ten unanswered emails', I'd think 'God, I'd love to have just ten unanswered emails'. But I would never message that person and say, 'You're so lucky!' because that person is clearly not happy about these emails. If someone posted a photo of them with a caption saying 'I'm so tired, I only got four hours of sleep.' I wouldn't message them and say, 'You're lucky, I didn't sleep at all.' because what are you accomplishing? You have a sore throat? Well too bad, because I've got a brain tumor. See? Now you probably feel much better about your sore throat, Betty.
And listen. On a good day, I would not have been that bothered by that. But this day in particular was not a good day. I was tired and stressed and I had 70 unanswered emails. (Most of them would take over an hour to answer, by the way, because they required me to read entire articles or scripts and give detailed feedback, or they were Q&As from magazines wanting detailed replies or they were whole tasks like: write a 800 word piece on your relationship with food. Honestly, I paid my taxes a couple of days ago and it took hours because the websites kept crashing and I couldn't figure out my government ID or whatever and then I had to reset my password and I wanted to scream. That was just one email I got done that day.)
So I blocked him. A week or so later, I posted a photo on Instagram of me, half-naked sitting on my bed, because I was feeling incredibly gender dysphoric. I had received some really horrible messages regarding my body and gender and I shared it with the internet, in a fairly vulnerable act. On that post, someone commented, 'Check your DMs.' and I checked what this person had DM'ed me. He had DM'ed me that his friend was a huge fan but had been blocked by me and didn't know why. Turned out to be the 'you're lucky' guy.
It felt strange - because on one hand, I totally understand it. You make some ridiculous comment because you don't think before you write anything online (I do that so much myself) and suddenly you're blocked - and you already have anxiety so you beat yourself up about it. You tell a friend who feels bad for you so he rushes to the profile that blocked you to get a reply as to what you have done to deserve this, not even reading the caption to the photo that he comments on. It's tricky, isn't it?
It raises questions about social media and personal space. About boundaries - as a 'public person' and as a 'follower'. Do followers owe those they follow a certain level of... space? Do 'public figures' owe those that follow them a higher level of understanding and forgiveness than the people in their real lives? Where is the boundary between real life and social media?
Someone that meant well, who has anxiety, made a very innocent mistake and got blocked by someone who also means well, has anxiety and whom the mistake affected negatively. Well, well, well, what do we do?
I am honestly not sure. I unblocked him. And sent the explanation to his friend. But I didn't sugarcoat it. Because I was having a particularly awful day. I just sent a screenshot and said, 'He did this.'
I could have been kind, I guess. Apologised. But I was not in that headspace. Should I even be on social media when I am not in that headspace? Then I'd never be on social media.
All of this to say, there are different reasons why I block people. But in general, I tend to treat my social media platforms (or, specifically Instagram) as a private party. Myself and my followers all share some kind of history or community of sorts. People are far from the same. But we all share something. Mainly because with my content and my blocking, I tend to weed out the people that just don't fit in. By that I mean: people who do not have the same values as me. My values being: hey, equality is nice, people deserve access to happiness, the world needs to be a better place, socialism rocks and I'm not even super super against communism, actually, but hey, open to learning. I also value and love and encourage patience and willingness to learn and understand nuance.
Someone saying, 'You're just blocking people that disagree with you.' is like someone coming into my private party, that I don't know and no one has vouched for, starting to yell at me for not letting a bunch of strangers into my house. Not kind strangers that would make everyone's night better. But assholes who just want to shout and upset people. So yeah, I'd get that person out of my house.
If someone came to my party and said, 'Hi, excuse me, I am not technically invited, but I was just wondering: I don't think shitting on your floor is a problem. So I don't understand why that excludes me from your party? Could you explain that, or do you know where I can learn more?' I would be like, 'Well, welcome, let's have a chat.' and if that person is really open to learning, they can learn and hang around. There would be other people at the party going, 'Oh, I actually always wondered that - I wasn't sure why it was wrong, I just knew it was.'
At the same time, at my party, I might be like, 'I'm now going to start the fireworks!' and ten people could say, 'Wow, hang on. There are dogs at this party (of course there is, it's my party) and they get super scared when they hear fireworks. And some of us have high anxiety, so it really isn't fair.' I would immediately pack those fireworks away and say, 'I am so sorry, I didn't know, thank you so much for telling me.' and thus prove that I very much welcome people that 'disagree' with me.
Because it all comes down to the fundamental misunderstanding that you can disagree with us. It's the fatal flaw in most media's annoying assumption that you need 'two sides to every story', so you will have a Jewish person debate with a nazi, when actually, there is nothing to debate. The nazi does not 'have a good point'. They are wrong. It's facts/human decency vs. hatred/misinformation.
I very much want to learn and expand my views, so I very much allow people in my social media (and regular) life who can do that. I am often called in by people that I know or who follow me in my DMs and it's always useful and welcome. If I really blocked anyone that 'disagreed' with me, I'd block everyone who told me I was wrong. I don't. I block the people that are wrong, when they tell me I am wrong. I block people who are wrong and unwilling to accept that. I welcome people who can tell me that I am wrong because I like being right; I'm mostly right and I would like to be more right always, please and thank you.
Thank you for being at my party. Don't worry, there's no loud music (there is a separate room where we can listen to loud music if we want, but it's all musical theatre soundtracks) and there's loads of food. There are plenty of corners and space and many smaller rooms with comfortable couches where you can just hang out with fewer people, if you want. The alchohol only makes you feel a bit giddy and cheerful, it doesn't make you super loud nor does it make you ignore people's feelings around you. And most importantly, there are dogs everywhere. So many dogs.
Now, let's play a fun party game called 'Support Sofie's Career In These Unprecedented Times'. Here is all the stuff I am upto. I will try and make it brief.
New Podcast
First episode of our new podcast 'Bad People' is out. It's a true crime podcast with me and Dr. Julia Shaw who is a criminal psychologist where we explore 'evil' people. Or well, we discuss whether or not anyone is evil. We realise quite early on that I (comedian) enourmously disagree with Julia (professional psychologist) about the very basics of true crime. I believe that 100% of people who commit terrible crimes on purpose have got some kind of trauma in their past. Julia does not think so. This becomes a (I think) very interested through-line in the series. I hope you like it. It's quite dark, so you'd have to be into that sort of thing.
New Recording For Sale
A 45 minute funny/amusing comedy talk about how to love your fat body is up now for sale, for just £5. It is a edited-down version of the online show I did in June - the first one. You can now own it yourself and watch it as much and whenever you want.
New Online Show Tickets For Sale
On August 20th, I am doing a live show on the internet. Like in the olden days, except, on the internet. Where we can give or get Covid19. I am so incredibly excited about this, I think it's going to be very funny. I am going to talk about fatness & health. As you may know, nothing makes me feel more fighty than this topic because it's so bloody misunderstood always. Especially now the government is shitting all over fat people again. I want to talk about it. Live. To all of you. Go through all of the stuff I know, maybe include interviews, SONGS (why not), fun stories and as always, recommend a bunch of resources. When you buy a ticket (£7) you can also ask a question that I can answer in the show. I'm very excited.
On September 17th, I am doing another show. This time, we are moving away from fatness and into therapy and mental health. Not to brag, but I'm fairly mentally ill. OCD, anxiety, CPTSD, depression, eating disorders, you name it. Traumatic childhood, psychiatric hospitals, ten different therapists over the course of 15 years. So whilst I am definitely NOT a therapist, I can definitely talk about the whole thing from a personal point of view. In a completely non-taboo way. I have learned little tricks from various therapists and I would like to think I also know how to make sure you find a good one. That's a big promise, so don't hold me to it. Either way, I'm very excited to talk about this. I really hope you'll watch.
That's it for now - here are some fun reminders of more fun stuff I do:
Reminder: I am on Cameo!
Cameo is this website where you can buy a personalised video message for yourself or a friend or family member. Or enemy - whatever you want. So far I've been booked to do peptalks, especially body positive or feminist pep talks, birthday greetings, anniversary messages - it's a lot of fun. I ramble a lot and the videos end up being much longer than the other people on Cameo (I've noticed).
So if you'd like to book a personalised message, book it here.
ALSO: I'm still selling my stand-up shows!
I am selling my two shows 'Dead Baby Frog' and 'Shimmer Shatter' on this link - they're £5 minimum, but if you're broke, you can use the code 'eattherich' to get 50% off. Now, if you are rich, you can also choose to give more than £5. You can give, say, £2000 per show. That'd be nice. Thank you, rich person.
Also a reminder: I'm on Patreon!
Some of you have asked me if I considered making a Patreon account for me - in general - instead of it being just for Made of Human Podcast. And no, I'd feel weird not having an actual "product" to give back to you. But what I will say is - the minimum amount to give per episode on my Patreon is one dollar. My podcast is weekly, meaning, at the most, there will be five episodes in a month (max!). That's five dollars. That's around £4 a month. And at the moment, it wouldn't just go towards the podcast - it would go towards me and all of my work. And I continue to be in awe of you all and your kindness and willingness to support. So here is my Patreon if you want to sign up - you will also get access to a bunch of extra special mini-interviews with most of my guests, like, Tim Minchin, Travis Alabanza, Grace Petrie, Ed Gamble, Suzi Ruffel and so on. They're for Patreon-supporters only.
Speaking of Made of Human Podcast - I hope it can bring you entertainment and comfort these days. I'm having some incredibly conversations with amazing people. Go listen here or wherever you listen to podcasts.
I am sending you much love. Thank you for being at my party.
Love you.
Stay safe.
Sofie.
