How To Get Through This Christmas, I think

I will actually do a little pre-ramble, where I just make the most important announcement.

 

TONIGHT. 9pm. Special Christmas Hangout Online Comedy Show. We'll drink hot chocolate and have a chat. I'll tell some stories and I'll open the chat so we can all spend the evening together. Hank will be with us too. It can be our Christmas Eve. And of course, since you're Such Good Folks, you get a discount code.

 

 

It gives you 30% off, so the tickets are only £4.20 (I believe). The show will be up till New Year's. But you can only buy tickets till tonight - so buy them if you want to watch it later on.

 

 

 

 Now, for the ramble.

 

It breaks my heart to think about how many are going to be depressed this Christmas. This doesn't just include the people who now have to spend it alone, away from loved ones, it also includes the people who lost someone this year. And people who would have been depressed even if Covid hadn't happened. Let's be honest, this Christmas is going to be different than we'd like for it to be.

 

I spent Saturday on Zoom with two family members. I cooked and ate my food in front of my computer. It wasn't bad. Because we didn't trust the Danish postal service, no one sent presents abroad. Instead, they bought for each other and I bought for myself. Which, honestly, I actually recommend. Weighted blanket review coming your way.

 

But now it's the 21st of December and I'm done. Someone in my bubble was exposed to Covid, so now they have to self-isolate for at least two weeks, just in case. So the 25th is also going to be empty. I *want* to offer you that I can go on Instagram Live all day or something - but if I end up doing that, I'll have to wait till the actual day. Because I don't know how it'll affect me. I might just have to sleep the whole day.

 

Which leads me to the first Christmas Survival Tool I Think Might Help. Remember that I am not a therapist so if any of this doesn't feel right, just don't do it. It's just that I have a loooooooot of mental health issues and I've often, throughout time, had to figure out how to handle bad feelings. And these are the things I am going to be doing, if it gets hard.

 

1) Stay in bed, if that's what you need and want. Get the word 'lazy' out of your head - it's a capitalist word that basically means 'you are not being a good worker, so no boss is making money' which is nothing to be ashamed of. I highly recommend all bed activities. Sleeping, scrolling social media or reading on your Kindle, watching TV or Netflix on your computer, texting good friends, having a nice little me-time (I'd use the grown-up word but I think that would just send this email into a very hidden folder to protect you), and did I mention sleeping? Oh, and eating. Eating in bed is underrated. You can change your bedding at some other point.

 

2) It's part of a bigger thing: Consider this as being a mental health emergency situation. As in, whatever you'd usually tell yourself or demand of yourself, might not be possible. Imagine your house is on fire - you wouldn't tell yourself, 'Hey but you should also shower and cook a delicious meal'. No, it's 'run, do whatever you can to save yourself'. If this includes ordering takeaway, using a face wipe to wash your face, not opening a single window or curtain, staying off social media, not texting a friend back, whatever it is that feels 'too much', it's fine. You only have one job and that's to put out the fire: meaning, be kind to yourself and get through the day.

 

3) For me, when my anxiety peaks, it's because I either 1) feel childhood feelings (as in, my brain tells me that I am still unsafe and things are scary) or 2) fear the future (as in, my brain tells me that something horrible is about to happen). When this happens, I need to try and ground myself. I put my feet on the ground and take very deep breaths. I focus on my surroundings. The smells, the colours, the temperature, the walls around me. I say 'I am safe now' to myself. I listen to the sounds from my neighbours. I try to do all of this instead of *thinking*. 

 

Once, I was having a really bad reaction during a therapy session. My therapist said, 'Okay, right - open the window.' and I closed my eyes and imagined the window. But when I tried to open it, I couldn't. So I said, 'I'm trying but I can't open it. What does the window represent?' and she said, 'No, open an ACTUAL window.'

 

...Oh.

 

So I opened a real-life window. She said, 'Get up.' so I stood up. She said, 'Deep breaths!' and I took deep breaths. She said, 'Is it cold?' and I said, 'YES.' and she said, 'You can choose how you feel.'

 

And whilst that's a complicated sentence - in most cases we can't choose how we feel (that's the whole point of therapy) - it temporarily took the power away from whatever inner 'force' that was making the bad feelings happen and gave me some autonomy, however fragile. I *decided* to snap out of it. (Something I've not been able to do since, but that one time, it worked.)

 

Since then, I've gone outside to sit by myself more. As in, not to walk the dog, just to go outside and sit down. In the cold. With my bathrobe on and slippers. And I let the cold sort of... shock me back to life. No phone, no anything. I let the thoughts do whatever they have to do. If it rains, it rains. I'm just there, trying to be as present as possible. And it's been an absolute godsend. I don't know why, but it helps. Just bring me back to life, from the past and the future. I am here and I am safe.

 

4) Spring Christmas! Listen, we're all about not following the normal social conventions when it comes to most things like gender and stuff - so honestly, who says that Christmas has to be on the 24/25th? No one! When all of this virus stuff is over, we celebrate Christmas. 2020 was bad, so we deserve two Christmasses in 2021. Nothing is stopping us. Especially in the UK. You eat Christmas food every Sunday anyways. Whack a tree into the corner and buy some socks for each other and there you go - Christmas in April. That's what we're doing and I'm actually excited. No, it's not the same thing, of course. But it's something to look forward to. It's not a Christmas lost, it's a Christmas postponed.

 

5) It's going to suck and then it'll be okay again. It will. These days are so dark and so wet and cold. The government sucks. A lot of it all sucks. But then it's suddenly the 26th. Then the 27th. Then New Year's (which, thank GOD, we finally have a great excuse to stay home instead of spending the night with too-drunk people with explosives in their pockets) and then it's January. The days will start getting longer, the vaccine will start being distributed properly. January Sales, if you're into that sort of thing. The relief of being in 2021, finally. Biden becomes the president. Then it's February, which is like, onyl a few weeks long. Then March. Trees start turning green. We see the sun again. The country will start opening up again. April - it's Christmas time! Remember April? God, what a great month. Still fresh air but with a hint of warmth. Soon, the sun. No more winter coats. Probably still masks, still leftovers of the horrid winter. But it'll be summer. And we will have survived this. And it'll be so great.

 

Okay?

 

Deep breaths.

 

I am sending you so much love. I am hoping to be able to go on Instagram Live on the 24/25th, but we'll see.

 

I hope to see you tonight at the Christmas Special, though. 

 

Now, some 'hey, gotta pay my rent' shameless plugging:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I've named you the Dorks. Because knowing what I know about people who are into what I do, you're all dorks. This is obviously a term of endearment. I am also a dork. Head Dork.

 

The idea of the Patreon is this: You like what I do. You want to support me, financially, because 1) you can 2) Covid has royally f*cked my industry and the government sure isn't doing anything to help 3) you appreciate that I put out a lot of free content - I do this because I love to do it and I always try to find a good balance between paid and free content. I love podcasts for this very reason - you can listen to over 300 hours of free stuff and that's okay. Or you can pay for it, however much you can. However much you want. It feels fair. Those of you who have the income support - so that those who do not can still enjoy free stuff. That's sort of socialism, in a way, sort of? Ish?

 

I will add to the Patreon when I can - so far there are lots of saved Instagram Live Cooking shows that will be up indefinitely, there's a tour of my flat, a video from Mark Watson that I forced him to do, an option to get a signed photo sent to you, discounts for my live shows and much more.

I want to do ASMR videos, read you goodnight stories, give you special discounts and give you early access to stuff. Sometimes I will get things #gifted that I don't want and I might send it to you. Or, some months I might not post at all, because of busy'ness or mental health stuff. You support the Patreon because you want to. Not because you're expecting things, necessarily. It's meant to be fun and every little extra thing is just a fun bonus.

 

It's a monthly payment. As little as £5 a month to join. But I think you can set a limit that's even lower, when you do sign up. So if you've ever gotten anything out of my work, if you've ever appreciated my existence and if £5 won't make a dent in your finances, I highly suggest you join my magnificent fan club.

 

(At the same time, if you're broke - because capitalism is a b i t c h and this government is letting us all down - please don't feel guilty. This is meant to just be a nice, fun thing. I'll keep doing what I have always done, for free.)

 

 

.....

 

 

My September show 'Let's Talk About Therapy' is now up for SALE. It's £5 (but you can, as always, pay whatever you want above that) and it's a whoooole two hour show...!

It's everything I know about trauma, CPTSD, OCD, anxiety... Finding therapists and finding the right therapist and all of that. Lots of stories of weird mental health experiences I've had. It was a lot of fun to do. I really, really like it.

 

 

...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 I released a new show for download and stream!

 

It's called 'But What About Health?' - it's a 90 minute 'funny chat' - 'comedy talk' - talkedy? - about fatness and health. It's full of stories and jokes and most importantly, SCIENCE, to back it all up. Is it unhealthy being fat? I will answer this question. Nuanced and accessible. Funnily. I'm really, really proud of it. I had so much fun researching it and performing it. I really hope you'll buy it and watch it. And if you like it: tell your friends.

 

But first - buy it here for just £5 - and you can, as always, pay more, if you're rich or if you think it's worth it. It has subtitles and it's there in both low res and high res. You can stream it or download it. I'm really, really excited about it.

 

 

 

My podcast Made of Human Podcast is finally being transcribed! In the beginning, we are just transcribing the new episodes, but with time (and money), I will start having the old episodes transcribed too. On the website, you can find all the ones that are already transcribed. I feel like I'm saying the word 'transcribed' too much now, it's losing all its meaning.

 

- Jameela Jamil: I don't need to tell you who this is.

- Payzee Mahmoud: She was a 'child bride' and an amazing person

- Pixie Turner: You know her from Instagram - a fat positive nutritionist!

- Emily Gorcenski: an actual nazi-hunter.

- J./ComfyFat: Super-fat nonbinary activist. And a Scorpio. Dangerous mix.

- Dr. Julia Shaw: Criminal Psychologist.

- Jamie Windust: Nonbinary writer and campaigner.

 

Go listen here!

 

 

 

 

Sofie.